The script was flawed in too fundamental a sense to work, so more polishing wouldn't have fixed it. It's not even clear what the story is about. What hard decisions does anyone make? What is the point? What's the theme?
The script is a collection of ideas none of which are developed or play through from start to finish. It's amateur hour screenwriting, and it required what's known as a page one rewrite.
I don't necessarily think that the fundamental premise of the Enterprise being hijacked by a powerful Vulcan fundamentalist / religious zealot to pursue his delusional goal of achieving an audience with the "supreme being" is an unworkable one. In fact, I think it has massive potential for a very good Star Trek story and has the makings of all the allegory, all the big questions, and all the "inner conflict" stuff that made TOS great (especially if you maintain the Vulcan character's ability to convert / brainwash people telepathically).
The problems (
as are tremendously well documented at this point) were studio interference, bad cohesiveness within the writing team (Shatner, Lowrey, Bennett), terrible SFX, and a crappy script that needed 3-4 more revisions and polishes EASILY.
But, there were some really great elements in the fundamental story that, if fleshed-out and expanded upon, would / would have made a great Trek movie or television arc:
1. The Planet of Galactic Peace concept- the failed development of a world that was supposed to be governed by 3 major superpowers, its failure, and why it was the prefect place for Sybok to prey on the weak
2. Sybok's backstory...in far greater detail (who is he, why did he reject the Vulcan disciplines, how did he acquire the powers he possesses, what motivates him / has him in contact / believing in this "God" idea, how does his supposed brilliance come into play?)
3. The concept of The Great Barrier and what it represents
4. The "turning" of the crew via this false technique of relieving pain
5. Faith, fundamentalism, and science
6. Spock's relationship with Sybok
7. The Klingon element (assuming you keep it at all...expand upon the motives here...not just "Kirk is a great warrior who would be cool to defeat" crap...but dive into what Kirk represents to the Klingons, particularly after the Genesis Incident)
8. Flesh-out the idea of Sha Ka Ree. It's not a literal heaven where God lives, but perhaps it is believed by Sybok to be a destination, achieved only through great trial, where a worthy traveler is granted an audience with "God"
9. Provide a little more meat on the bones to what the backstory and motivation of the entity they discover is. How did it come to be in that situation? How did it reach Sybok's mind (similar to V'Ger finding Spock??) What are it's goals / motives?
If you could hack a great deal of the non-value-added stuff from the film and expand upon these other items with clarity and consistency, it could very easily work. Save time and energy by cutting the Uhura fan-dance, the turboshaft escape, a great deal of the Klingon stuff, some of the useless exposition dialogue on Nimbus III, "haha" scenes of Uhura/Scotty flirting or Chekov/Sulu lost, etc etc. and get some meat on these bones...
If you could take all that good material (IMHO it's good, anyway) and
"Nick Meyer" it-- meaning take all the elements that are "good" and just re-process them into a completely different script
a la Star Trek II...I honestly think this could have been a great Star Trek movie, filled with adventure, discovery, mystery, tension, and deep conflict. Perhaps one of the best.
But, as they say, if "
ifs and
buts were candy and nuts, we'd all have a Merry Christmas"...
