Star Trek: Renegades

[Amaris]

Some spoilers below!


Complimentary Type Comments:

* The background music sounds good in most places. It was nicely done.

* There are some nice visuals in places.


Complainty Type Comments:
(Much of this is stream of consciousness as I watch the film)

* My first impression is that the film was written and edited by someone who normally produces action movie trailers.

* For some reason, there seems to be an overabundance of O-V-E-R-P-R-O-N-U-N-C-I-A-T-I-O-N. It reminds me of those scenes they shoot in the center of the ring on WWE, where everyone talks things out before the fighting starts? That.

* There's a lot of what I like to call "super coyness," where every return remark has all the earmarks of a witticism, without the content being anything approaching witty.

* The battle scenes don't hold my attention. It's a literal "pew pew," because you hear "fire at will!" and see one or two torpedoes slinging about.

* This film is in serious need of an editor. It's a mish mash of a hodgepodge of a pablum.

* "Hey! Hey! I'm a former Borg! Look at my bionic arm! I'll make sure to show you the cool SFX for this arm several times! LOOK AT IT I'M HOLDING IT OUT FOR YOU!"

* Sure, our daughters can be in the film. We'll even let one of them be the bomb, yo. Also, "poppy" sounds natural, so let's leave that in.

* GLOWING GREEN HULK HAND

* This isn't fumbling, it's fighting! Can't you tell the difference?!

* Lots... and lots... of mood silence... used... ... ... poorly.

* Inappropriate, pointless close-ups are inappropriate, and pointless.

* We'll gut stab this guy, throat slice that guy, but we'll kind of cut a little bit on Lexa. Just a little tap. A little taparoo.

* I often. Halt. My speech. In the middle. of sentences. Because. It. Adds. Weight. To. My. dialogue. At least that. Is the idea. Anyway.

* Slow motion frame by frame created for added effect!

* The touching moments would work so much better if I knew more about the character before they were in a scene that required a touching moment.

* Under-reaction seems to be a key element of Starfleet training. Also, non-Starfleet training. Also, random civilian training. Earth disappears, and the reaction seems to be along the lines of "Oh my, that seems rather inconvenient. Tea time will be delayed."

* I think the title should be changed to Star Trek: We Kind of Stand Around And Grunt About Things.

* SUPER SHAKY PSI POWERS! SUPER SHAKY PSI POWERS! SUPER SHAKY PSI POWERS!

* Oh god, there's still half an hour left.

* This film is in desperate need of a script editor.

* The music is all sad and weepy, and loud, as if we're experiencing a tragedy, even though that tragedy is ill-defined and there are just long moments of nothing.

* Fixer? Who the hell names someone Fixer? And what 1990s garage band did he escape from?

* "You humans." Oh, good, original dialogue.

* So Admiral Richard Herd is killed, by an assassin who responds with terrific original dialogue in a voice that so totally not copied from anything else, and then he is killed by Barbarella the Andorian, who responds to Admiral Chekov's half hearted objection with "sorry, old habits." When did this become a comedy?

* I keep a small picture on the wall of my old friends. Because... what?

* Contest to say "what the hell" with the least amount of emotion and conviction continues with no clear winner as of yet.

* I'll just conveniently read his mind with this mind reading sonic screwdriver that seems to do whatever I want it to do.

* I'm serious. How do you know I'm serious? I'm going to put on and then remove my glasses in a quick fashion. That's how serious I am.

* My blaster's not working! I'll gently tap on it while I'm being shot at.

* Slow motion frame by frame... now!

* Neck cracking super villain speaks as he punches. I have to admit, I was kind of waiting for The Undertaker to walk out and head toward the ring.

* Slow motion scene is slow and emotionless.

* Time for poetry!

* Surprised villain is surprised by hero's sudden punch stopping power!

* There's plenty of time for another witless witticism.

* Time for a momentary monologue by the villain who will inevitably be surprised by the plucky heroine's ingenuity.

* Surprise, villain. You didn't see that coming! But I did. A loooooong time ago.

* Ironic words about sacrifice used ironically.

* Let's cut the door because... why are we cutting the door? Oh yeah, it's locked. Too bad this is Starfleet headquarters, where there's no one who can help. Oh, if only there were security personnel, or Admiralty who could unlock a door.

* LOOK AT MY GLOWING BIONIC ARM!

* The good old Lefty/Righty strategy. That oughta do it.

* I'm going to send a message through dilated wave particles. Of course! I have the solution! Something a first year cadet would have known! And now I know it!

* "We end this now." Oh, Lexa, you lie. There's still 16 minutes left. 16 agonizing minutes.

* RIDE THE LIGHTNING, FIXER! OOH... YEAH! /James Hetfield

* Playstation 3 presents... Earth Starbase.

* I just described the entire plot for those of you who faded out about 15 minutes in! You should let us go just for that alone!

* We've left this scene open in order to threaten you with the prospect of more episodes. Let the Sword of Damocles hang over your head.

* Coy smiles at the end mean everything's okay.

* Why the hell does this scene exist? I love Robert Picardo, but what is this uselessly tacked on scene that completes one other uselessly tacked on scene? Hey, Jeanine Melnitz and the Holographic Doctor are kissing!

* Can we cram one more scene with your daughter in it? Why not?

* Oh, her name's Doc. I just assumed her purpose was to explain the Deus Ex Machina as she took her glasses off and put them back on.

* Remember that experiment that went bad? The one that has no context at all for the viewer? Yeah, that happened, and stuff. Hear the music? This is a weepy moment. Weep. Weep for the sweetness.

* "Do I have something on my shirt or something?" Cracking dialogue that is the last spoken line of dialogue in the film. After that it's a line from a poem that is unconnected to anything at all in the film.


Final thoughts:
LOOK AT MY BIONIC ARM! LOOK AT IT!

 

[Kemaiku]

Oh yes and about that Cardassian. Having his throat slashed by the villains super cheap Wolverine boneclaw ripoff, has his corpse be the first close up of their imprisonment scene exposed by a v-neck uniform (wut) with this throat now fine.

No blood, no cut, he's still dead though. Okay then.

 

[BillJ]

I'm still going to watch, but I'm not exactly pumped at the prospect.

 

[Amaris]

Oh yes and about that Cardassian. Having his throat slashed by the villains super cheap Wolverine boneclaw ripoff, has his corpse be the first close up of their imprisonment scene exposed by a v-neck uniform (wut) with this throat now fine.

No blood, no cut, he's still dead though. Okay then.

Maybe that is the Cardassian neck trick we've heard so much about!

I'm still going to watch, but I'm not exactly pumped at the prospect.

Prepare to weep openly, my friend. From what, I'm not sure, but prepare.

 

[BillJ]

Prepare to weep openly, my friend. From what, I'm not sure, but prepare.

I'm really concerned after reading your stream-of-conscious post. You're usually so positive about things.

 

[Amaris]

Prepare to weep openly, my friend. From what, I'm not sure, but prepare.

I'm really concerned after reading your stream-of-conscious post. You're usually so positive about things.

I went in with the hope that it would be good. I certainly had my reservations (having seen ST:OGAM), but I was sincere in my desire for it to be a quality production. As I'm sure you've seen above, I was profoundly disappointed.

 

[CRM-114]

I'm three minutes in, and I've already had to pause to break from the cheese. This is going to be a LOOONNGG watch.

 

[Squiggy]

I want to know what Starfleet has a 150 year old man heading security. They don't have mandatory retirement?

 

[CRM-114]

Star Trek Renegades, you have defeated me. I can give you no more of my time.

I made it nine minutes, and forty-four seconds. I just don't think I can do anymore.

 

[BillJ]

I want to know what Starfleet has a 150 year old man heading security. They don't have mandatory retirement?

Gotta jerk-off the fan base.

 

[Amaris]

I want to know what Starfleet has a 150 year old man heading security. They don't have mandatory retirement?

Hey, he has a name, it's Poppy! Oh, and it's Admiral Poppy to you!

Star Trek Renegades, you have defeated me. I can give you no more of my time.

I made it nine minutes, and forty-four seconds. I just don't think I can do anymore.

Come on, you have to at least make it to Hulk Hand. That's only about an hour into the film! Actually, it's roughly 41 minutes into the film. Go check out Hulk Hand.

 

[BillJ]

I made it nine minutes, and forty-four seconds. I just don't think I can do anymore.

I only made it about forty minutes in on their first fan film.

 

[Kemaiku]

Oh and Tuvok's condition in Endgame. Did they imply getting him to the Alpha quadrant sooner would mean being able to stop his mental deterioration, or just treat it? Because he seems remarkably coherent for someone with a major brain disorder.

Oh and why does he look nearly as old as human half his age?

Chekov is 143 in this movie, Tuvok is 117 and Vulcan.

The condition affected his brain, not appearance, in Endgame (2401) he looked younger after the horrors of 16 more years in the DQ and going crazy than he did here.

(I know, real world aging, but a proper movie could afford better makeup).

 

[Amaris]

I made it nine minutes, and forty-four seconds. I just don't think I can do anymore.

I only made it about forty minutes in on their first fan film.

I remember making it about 15 minutes the first time, then about 35 minutes the second, and was able to complete it on the last push.

Oh and Tuvok's condition in Endgame. Did they imply getting him to the Alpha quadrant sooner would mean being able to stop his mental deterioration, or just treat it? Because he seems remarkably coherent for someone with a major brain disorder.

Oh and why does he look nearly as old as human half his age?

Chekov is 143 in this movie, Tuvok is 117 and Vulcan.

Oh, well the answer to that is quite clear. See, um... everybody run, I'll hold off his questions!

 

[CRM-114]

I can't do it. I'm at a point in my life where I'd honestly rather have no new Star Trek than slog through mediocre to bad Star Trek.

I say this fully realizing that in some quarters, this is tantamount to blasphemy.

 

[BillJ]

I can't do it. I'm at a point in my life where I'd honestly rather have no new Star Trek than slog through mediocre to bad Star Trek.

I say this fully realizing that in some quarters, this is tantamount to blasphemy.

I agree. I don't regard Star Trek as a binkie designed to make me feel better when I'm down.

 

[Amaris]

I can't do it. I'm at a point in my life where I'd honestly rather have no new Star Trek than slog through mediocre to bad Star Trek.

I say this fully realizing that in some quarters, this is tantamount to blasphemy.

Well, then I went ahead and posted a picture of Hulk Hand above, just so you could see it. Hulk Hand is what got me through the rest of the film.

 

[Kemaiku]

Oh, well the answer to that is quite clear. See, um... everybody run, I'll hold off his questions!

"What does Jonas Quinn need with a starship?"
"Shields failing!"

 

[Amaris]

Oh, well the answer to that is quite clear. See, um... everybody run, I'll hold off his questions!

"What does Jonas Quinn need with a starship?"
"Shields failing!"

 

[wamdue]

if we are talking ages, isnt the bigger problem that Owen Paris looks at least as old as Pavel Chekov. (Richard being 4 years old than Walter)

Whilst its feesable that due to advanced medical tech of Star Trek, and of course the improved diet the universe provides, people can easily live to be 140, 100 is not uncommon now.

My first thought is that Owen Paris should look younger than Chekov. Based on the fact he was Toms Dad, not his grand Dad

Of course the loop hole on this, is that Owen is as old as Chekov, and he just had Tom really late in his life.

It is a nit pick you can work around, and it might explain why they even know each other, certainly (and with good reason) there was nothing on screen to suggest Chekov would know Owen Paris. If Renegades were to spend time on screen saying that Chekov and Owen worked together previously (or were at the academy together), it would seem like useless information.

Of course the TV show did plenty of this kind of thing, see "Flashback" (Voyager) for one.

Of course this nitpicking, but this and the Archers bridge being that of Enterprise D, is why this is more of a fan film than a pilot for a TV show. In a fanfilm fans will be more forgiving of that, because its an actor from the TV show, or a fun "nod" to another series, which is more acceptable in a fan film, but would not be in a professional pilot.

This is not to say fan films should seek to get away with this stuff, smaller stuff like the picture of the TOS crew in the office, and model of the Enterprise is fine (heck Picard had lots of model ships) but reusing an entire set which is out of totally out of context should be viewed as wrong in a fan film a well.