THE CATS by “Nick Sharman”
This took a while to go at, and a longer while to decide whether to actually include in this kind of post, because I only made it half way. I wasn’t expecting James Herbert stuff here (despite the blurb citing it “in the tradition of The Rats”) but was more expecting the hokey and amusing pulp laughs on offer why Guy N Smith gave us all The Crabs and assorted sequels. (Smith was NEL’s prime purveyor of animal-themed pulp, and this book is one of their attempts to cash in on their own cash-in.) Where Smith always seemed to have tongue firmly in cheek, this pseudonymous crap is all over the place- there are hilarious bits, then there are choppy bits where what should be important for tension or excitement is glossed over, and total irrelevancies (e.g. the personal backstory of a guard dog) waste the limited word count, and some of it is just bizarre (why does a schoolboy surrounded by cats overheat and strip off – WTF? If it’s meant to be a puberty/pussy thing it doesn’t show, it’s just bizarre).
So eventually I gave up cos it was so shit, and just skipped through looking for random comedy scenes suitable for turkey readings (and there are some). It now takes over my current holder of the “worst book I’ve ever (half) read” award – and bear in mind I’ve read Paul Darrow’s and Tony Attwood’s Blake’s 7 novels.
MRS BROWN’S A-Y OF EVERYTHINGby Brendan O’Carroll etc.
Well, does what it says on the tin – a big hadback full of occasionally moderately amusing one liners on a variety of subjects in alphabetical order. Sadly it’s also unnecessarily illustrated throughout, and the endless pictures of the cast (mainly Mrs Brown herself) are unflattering and pointless. The background colours on the pages also make some of the text hard to read. OK to dip into briefly when sat on the bog.
THE FORGOTTEN ARMY by Brian Minchin.
A fairly unremarkable 11th Doctor and Amy book, neither particularly great nor bad, though it’s more amusing once the army in question turns up. Prior to that, it seems to rely on references to “poo” and a Doctor/Amy relationship that seems weird and off – probably because it was writtenearly during their era’s production, and so didn’t have so much of the screen chemistry to play off. Compared to The Cats, though, it’s fucking Shakespeare.
