Signing up to Starfleet means you're forever alone?

[{ Emilia }]

One of the things that have always bothered me about Star Trek is the way relationships and families are portrayed. Most characters we meet in Trek are eternal singles, we hardly see any long-term relationships. No partners, few children. And these are people in their 30s to 50s in the Berman era.

We obviously only ever see them on duty but it seems they really don't get to spend a lot of time off the ship. Do we know how long their assignments are and how often they can return home? It seems to be even worse than in present-day Navy (and many people say Starfleet isn't really comparable to present-day military anyway because it does so many other things).

This is why, despite all the obvious problems with it, I still liked the concept that the Enterprise-D had family members on board. Now I think it's completely out of the question that they'll do something like that again but is being a Starfleet officer really such a sad job from a family point of view?
How many characters have romantic partners off the ship, really? Janeway stands out and we know Phlox has family but all things considered they really are the exception.

Seeing Sulu's family in ST Beyond was a nice change but I'm re-watching TNG right now and damn... all those eternal singles without children.

Do you think this is coincidence and only affects the ships we've seen? I get that one of the reasons these people don't have families is that the producers would've needed to hire a much bigger cast of regular guest stars. Are these ships really away from Earth (or other possible home planets) for most of the year or longer?

Honestly, it seems to be kind of a shit job if you want to have a family. Unless of course you're Miles O'Brien and are lucky enough to be on the Enterprise (ship with family members!) and DS9.

 

[dahj]

And these are people in their 30s to 50s in the Berman era.

In the TNG era humans live to be well over a 100 years old, so technically they're still young by future terms. Just a few decades ago people usually started families in their 20s, now the 30s are becoming the norm, maybe in the future they won't start thinking about that till they're in their 60s?

 

[MadeIndescribable]

I was just floundering around Memory Alpha the other day, and it wasn't until it was pointed out to me that Jake only appeared in 71 out of 173 DS9 episodes. I get that part of this is restrictions on how much child actors can work, but even for those members of Starfleet who did have families, it's not like they're around all the time...

 

[{ Emilia }]

I was just floundering around Memory Alpha the other day, and it wasn't until it was pointed out to me that Jake only appeared in 71 out of 173 DS9 episodes. I get that part of this is restrictions on how much child actors can work, but even for those members of Starfleet who did have families, it's not like they're around all the time...

Just like Keiko is on Bajor most of the time, huh? I think the only reason their relationship was somewhat strained was the production issue of not wanting to hire Chao all the time.

 

[fireproof78]

Just like Keiko is on Bajor most of the time, huh? I think the only reason their relationship was somewhat strained was the production issue of not wanting to hire Chao all the time.

Money and careers can certainly can strain a relationship.

 

[The Wormhole]

It is strange that so many of the main cast are unmarried and without children. It definitely isn't the norm for Starfleet in general, several guest character Starfleet officers have families. I get that sometimes it's an effort to cut down on cast for the shows, but even then there are ways around it. Even having a divorced character would be a step in the right direction. But no, everyone in the main cast of the Trek shows has apparently put their career first at the expense of a personal life or has some form of personal hang-ups which means they are single and likely meant to be always. To be honest, must be a dreary life everyone lives. I actually spent a few years putting my job first and shutting out friends and family and damn near drove myself insane. And this apparently is a way of life for the main cast. This is also one of the things about Jellico I found made him more realistic as a captain: he had a personal life, he was a family man with at least one child. There was something to him other than the job, and yet he's considered an antagonist.

Actually, for fun let's review things for a moment. In TOS we know Kirk, McCoy and Sulu had children, though Kirk wasn't a part of his son's life until he was grown up. Also, Spock was sort of engaged in an arranged marriage, though he was released from that.
In TNG, Riker and Troi's relationship ended exactly so Riker could focus on his career, Worf had a son who he eventually ended up raising, Beverly of course had a son, and Data briefly had a daughter.
In DS9 Sisko was married with a child, his wife was killed later re-married and impregnated Kassidy. Kira did have a few relationships with Bareil and Shakaar and ultimately Odo. O'Brien of course was married with children. Worf and Jadzia eventually marry, Bashir and Ezri are starting a relationship at the end of the series.
In Voyager, Janeway and Harry left fiancées behind, at the start of the series Chakotay was in a relationship with Seska, Neelix and Kes were together, Tuvok was married and had children, Tom and B'Ellana were single and eventually ended up together.
On Enterprise, T'Pol was involved with an arranged marriage, which she was later released from, and in spite of both having feelings for each other, nothing serious ever develops between her and Trip. Phlox is involved in a traditional Denobulan marriage with three wives who each have two other husbands. And Hoshi eventually married, according to her file on the Defiant.
So looking at this, it seems the casts of DS9 and Voyager do have a somewhat healthy personal life, and that those who serve on Enterprises neglect their personal life. Well, I guess being among Starfleet's elite requires sacrifice.

 

[USS Triumphant]

Reading all of that, it seems like that if anything, there's actually too many relationships and too much hanky panky going on among the main cast members. It's almost as though there wasn't anyone else around except *extras*.

"And she hears him say, 'Brandy, you're a fine girl. What a good wife you would be. But my life, my love, and my lady... is the sea.'"

Starfleet is a relatively small part of the population, and an all volunteer service with a great deal of flexibility in what jobs each person can do. These people are *dedicated*, maybe to a degree that has very little parallel in our present time, because they have no concerns about making a living and no real consequences if they decide to leave. So it comes down to a belief in the mission and a real interest in their chosen fields. And if they want to go do something else, like O'Brien talking about taking a civilian position or even Worf resigning his commission to go fight with Klingons, then they do. Which means the people you see in Starfleet uniforms are pretty much all in. At least in that phase of their lives.

 

[Shawnster]

It's generally accepted (and made canon in ST09) that McCoy was divorced. So, in regards a step in the right direction, they took that step way back in the beginning.

Kirk had a number of romances and some semi-long-term relationships. A child with Carol Marcus and he knew David was his (yet David did not know that).
Spock was betrothed. And had a prior relationship with Leila Kalomi at some point in his adult life prior to "This Side of Paradise"
McCoy, as I stated above, was divorced.
Chapel had a relationship prior to signing on to the Enterprise. That doesn't mean prior to Starfleet.
None of the rest of the original cast seemed to have any long-term relationships prior to or during their time under Kirks command.

Picard had past relationships but nothing long-lasting.
Riker had a relationship with Troi that was on and off and on
Crusher was a widow and both were in Starfleet
Worf had a relationship with K'Ehleyr prior to serving on the Enterprise. Again, does not preclude his time in Starfleet. Worf wanted to have a longer relationship.
Nobody else (LaForge or Data) seemed to have any long-term relationships prior to or during their time on the Enterprise.

Janeway was engaged to someone not in Starfleet and she was a Starfleet captain.
Paris and Torres developed a marriage during their time on Voyager.
Kes and Neelix were a couple, although that was never really fleshed out too much.
Kim had a girlfriend back home.
I don't recall Chakotay having much of any relationship except with Seska. Seven was in the collective. The Doctor tried to have a family for all of one episode.

Sisko had a son and was a widower. He was married and in Starfleet.
Kira developed two (three counting Odo) long-term relationships during her time on DS9
O'Brien had a wife and daughter
Dax was Dax, Odo was Odo.
Quark was never in any relationship but Rom married Leeta. They had their Moogie, though.
Bashir was love lorn until he finally got a relationship with Ezri Dax there at the end of the show.

I don't think any of the NX-01 crew had anything long-term. T'Pol was betrothed but that was barely a blip in the 4 years. Phlox was married or had been married in the past.

Come to think about it, how many of the main cast had siblings?

 

[sojourner]

I worked as an employee on cruise ships for seven years and from my experience there were a lot of short term relationships on board. Most employees with spouses met them "back home".

The big unrealistic thing with Star trek is crew being assigned to the same ship for years at a time. We were lucky to get assigned to the same ship from one "contract" to another. It made relationships difficult on board.

 

[Voth commando1]

I think it's mentioned Janeway and Sisko both have siblings?

 

[Sparkle Fabulosa]

I think it's mentioned Janeway and Sisko both have siblings?

She had a younger sister named Phoebe.

 

[Nerys Myk]

I think it means to writers single people have more plot potential than married ones when it comes to romantic situations

 

[MacLeod]

Come to think about it, how many of the main cast had siblings?

Krik had a brother as did Spock.

 

[CorporalCaptain]

The 64-dollar question, did Chekov have a brother or not?

Which was the delusion: Chekov's belief in his brother or Sulu's assurance that Chekov had no brother?

My money would go on Chekov not having a brother, at least at that time, but, you know....

 

[Nerys Myk]

Come to think about it, how many of the main cast had siblings

Kirk-One brother
Spock-One brother
Scotty-One sibling (Peter Preston's parent)

Picard-One brother
Troi- One sister
Worf- Two brothers
Yar-One sister
Data-Two "brothers"
Geordi- One sister

Sisko-One sister. Two brothers
Jadzia- One sister
Ezri-Two brothers
Quark-One brother
Rom-One brother
Kira-Two brothers
O'Brien-Two brothers

Janeway-One sister
Chakotay-One sister
Neelix- Several siblings

Trip- One bother. One Sister
Reed- One sister
Mayweather- One brother. One sister
Hoshi- Two siblings.

 

[cultcross]

The big unrealistic thing with Star trek is crew being assigned to the same ship for years at a time. We were lucky to get assigned to the same ship from one "contract" to another. It made relationships difficult on board.

Indeed - in a 'real life' Starfleet, without the TV conceit that the same characters stay on the same assignment for 7 years or more, it would be even harder to maintain a relationship. You could literally be the other end of the galaxy from your partner for years at a time if you were on different vessels. Friendships could certainly be maintained by subspace, and perhaps in the era of holocommunicators even something more (there's an explanation for that tech I hadn't thought of before. Hmm.) but it can't be easy to maintain a proper intimate relationship, especially shared parenting, across that sort of distance and time. We don't really know how common O'Brien's scenario was, that you could take your family with you as you went - we know Sisko did so, and Worf could have Alexander with him until the writers got bored of him. Perhaps Starfleet take this aspect into account when making assignments, although that doesn't address how one would come by a family in the first place.

 

[MadeIndescribable]

The big unrealistic thing with Star trek is crew being assigned to the same ship for years at a time. We were lucky to get assigned to the same ship from one "contract" to another. It made relationships difficult on board.

If you factor in the distances starships would travel, specifically those on exploration missions, it would make sense for crew members to stay onboard the same ship for long periods. Which would make relationships on board easier, but then long distance ones harder. Swings and roundabouts, I guess.

 

[{ Emilia }]

You could literally be the other end of the galaxy from your partner for years at a time if you were on different vessels. Friendships could certainly be maintained by subspace, and perhaps in the era of holocommunicators even something more (there's an explanation for that tech I hadn't thought of before. Hmm.)

That might just be the most useful use of holodeck technology I've ever heard of!

We don't really know how common O'Brien's scenario was, that you could take your family with you as you went - we know Sisko did so, and Worf could have Alexander with him until the writers got bored of him. Perhaps Starfleet take this aspect into account when making assignments, although that doesn't address how one would come by a family in the first place.

I guess the question is how rare it really is for starships to carry family members, too. I suppose we only get a very limited view of what starships do because the Enterprise is the flagship that gets sent to dangerous missions, too. We know Starfleet also has primarily science-focused vessels so they'd be rather safe for families. And the Enterprise itself did lots of science stuff, too. This is going to sound weird but in "in the real world" I doubt the flagship would be in mortal danger every week.

 

[MadeIndescribable]

I guess the question is how rare it really for starships to carry family members, too.

I'm trying to remember if the Ent E has families on board? I seem to remember reading that it did (probably from one of the novels), and trying to figure out how they'd react during First Contact...

 

[{ Emilia }]

I'm trying to remember if the Ent E has families on board? I seem to remember reading that it did (probably from one of the novels), and trying to figure out how they'd react during First Contact...

It's not a problem, they signed the waiver.