Should I join a dating service?

[AstroSmurf]

Meeting quickly is a VERY good idea. I can't stress that enough either. The longer you wait the more both people will start to fill in the blanks. More than likely the the actual person is NOT going to live up to the made-up one.

And on another note, I heard that Yahoo was merging with Match.com.

Seconded. Strike while the iron is hot. I've spent a week before asking someone out. Within a week, I will know if I want to see this person or not.

Meeting as quickly as possible, eh? How about taking the next step and meet people in the real world and ask them out the moment you see them?

You are a little late to the party. We have already discussed the merits of doing both and the reasons why. Check the previous pages.


I am a very curious person who will try most anything at least once. So to that end, I signed up for okcupid.com this morning before I started working. So far, I have few hits and someone I have my eye on. At this point, I don't see the harm in putting myself out there in several different ways. I want babies and I am not getting any younger.

 

[Emher]

First of all, sorry guys that this thread seem to take up such strong emotions ^^;

Secondly, AstroSmurf if I was gay I'd be all over you as well. Unless Shameless captured me first. But thanks anyway

PKTrekGirl, thanks for thinking of me so highly. And I don't minder older women just so you know. To be honest, after the last girl being 5 years younger then me, I might prefer older.

Thirdly...

Well, there are nice guys who want to make nice girls happy. Someone has to notice. I think what burns out a lot of nice guys, and yes I do consider myself a nice guy, is that often, after a while, we realize that by the time a girl starts paying attention to us nice guys, she's already been wild and crazy with the bad boys. We start to feel like the sweet, cheerful dog you come home to after puking your guts out at a binge party with a bunch of football players.

That doesn't mean all women, not at all, but I think a lot of nice guys have had that experience happen to them and they expect it. We're the backup, the sure thing. It can be a bit unsettling.

...this. I feel the same really. I've always been the pereptual backup/friend, but it's never gone to the backup stage, sadly. Is this a bit of my own doing? Probably, but when it happened the last time last spring I wanted to scream at the girl "HOW THE FUCK CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND I'M CRAZY ABOUT YOU?!" when she gladly chirped on the phone about this new guy she'd met that weekend (btw, we where this damn close to being a thing, if she'd just chosen to go over to my place for some movies after we'd both had a rough week instead of goin out).

Sorry if that comes a bit bitter, but that took a while to get over seeing as it was the first time I'd dared again after my last failed relationship.


Back to more constructive matters. Simply it's like this. I too want to be loved, desired and wanted and I want to feel that in return for someone. Sure I'm a young guy so it needn't be too ultraserious, but it's needs to be meaningful. Also a lot of sex would be nice.

What I am going to do is that I do go the dating service route, I will try to do quick meetings. Simply because I didn't in my previous relationship because of geography, and I want to be able to learn from my mistakes.

Sadly right now I might not be able to at the moment to date in any form. Our business is a bit low on work right now and my dad informed me today that he and I are going to have to work fulltime to try and market ourselves more and make people more aware of us. And that will take up a lot of my time for a while. Hopefully not for too long. Might just be a temporary lull, but we don't plan so sit around waiting for stuff to happen.

Still I apprecatie the input and discussion in the thread, please keep it going. I will continue to participate, and who knows, maybe we'll get a big job ordered tomorrow?

 

[Emher]

So yeah no big job yet, but a bit of a thing on the love market. See there's this girl at the locla supermarket who's just....well spectularly cute and always happy and nice. And I saw her again today after not seeing her for a while, and I thought she had quit maybe. but today I saw her again, and wanted to say something, but got interrupted by my brother -.- So later on when I had to go back to the shop because we'd forgotten to buy some cream I decided to just tell her that I thought she was really cute and that I thought it was better to tell her that then just try and not stare at her too much.

But naturally she was nowhere to be seen, probably ended her shift a bit after we had finished the previous shopping. But now I've got this determination to do it all of a sudden. I'm going to tell her next time I see her. And we'll see how it goes. Mayber it will be that, but at least I've had my say.

 

[Amaris]

...this. I feel the same really. I've always been the perpetual backup/friend, but it's never gone to the backup stage, sadly. Is this a bit of my own doing? Probably, but when it happened the last time last spring I wanted to scream at the girl "HOW THE FUCK CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND I'M CRAZY ABOUT YOU?!" when she gladly chirped on the phone about this new guy she'd met that weekend (btw, we where this damn close to being a thing, if she'd just chosen to go over to my place for some movies after we'd both had a rough week instead of goin out).

Sorry if that comes a bit bitter, but that took a while to get over seeing as it was the first time I'd dared again after my last failed relationship.

...

I sympathize. Strongly. However, while not knowing the details, all I can say is that make sure you speak up. Like men, women aren't telepathic and won't usually see the signs staring them right in the face. If you feel for a particular girl, and she's treating you solely as a friend, let her know how you feel. You may be concerned it will break a friendship, well, if you want something more than friendship, you'll have to risk it. If it does break a friendship, then a relationship would have never worked in the first place, and now you don't have to pine for years while you go unnoticed.

That's not meant to be at all harsh, by the way. Believe me, it took a long time for me to come to this realization.

 

[Mr Awe]

So later on when I had to go back to the shop because we'd forgotten to buy some cream

Good move "forgetting" something like that!

I decided to just tell her that I thought she was really cute and that I thought it was better to tell her that then just try and not stare at her too much.

Well, if you're going to do that (and you should!), you might as well ask her out!

I'm going to tell her next time I see her. And we'll see how it goes. Mayber it will be that, but at least I've had my say.

Let us know how it goes! I'll be cheering you on!

Mr Awe

 

[Kestra]

But now I've got this determination to do it all of a sudden. I'm going to tell her next time I see her. And we'll see how it goes. Mayber it will be that, but at least I've had my say.

Yay! Definitely tell her. Good luck!

...this. I feel the same really. I've always been the perpetual backup/friend, but it's never gone to the backup stage, sadly. Is this a bit of my own doing? Probably, but when it happened the last time last spring I wanted to scream at the girl "HOW THE FUCK CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND I'M CRAZY ABOUT YOU?!" when she gladly chirped on the phone about this new guy she'd met that weekend (btw, we where this damn close to being a thing, if she'd just chosen to go over to my place for some movies after we'd both had a rough week instead of goin out).

Sorry if that comes a bit bitter, but that took a while to get over seeing as it was the first time I'd dared again after my last failed relationship.

...

I sympathize. Strongly. However, while not knowing the details, all I can say is that make sure you speak up. Like men, women aren't telepathic and won't usually see the signs staring them right in the face. If you feel for a particular girl, and she's treating you solely as a friend, let her know how you feel. You may be concerned it will break a friendship, well, if you want something more than friendship, you'll have to risk it. If it does break a friendship, then a relationship would have never worked in the first place, and now you don't have to pine for years while you go unnoticed.

That's not meant to be at all harsh, by the way. Believe me, it took a long time for me to come to this realization.

Agreed very strongly. The majority of guys who have been into me have had to actually spell it out for me very clearly. Women can be very oblivious, or unwilling to make assumptions. The best way to find out is to actually speak up.

 

[Emher]

...this. I feel the same really. I've always been the perpetual backup/friend, but it's never gone to the backup stage, sadly. Is this a bit of my own doing? Probably, but when it happened the last time last spring I wanted to scream at the girl "HOW THE FUCK CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND I'M CRAZY ABOUT YOU?!" when she gladly chirped on the phone about this new guy she'd met that weekend (btw, we where this damn close to being a thing, if she'd just chosen to go over to my place for some movies after we'd both had a rough week instead of goin out).

Sorry if that comes a bit bitter, but that took a while to get over seeing as it was the first time I'd dared again after my last failed relationship.

...

I sympathize. Strongly. However, while not knowing the details, all I can say is that make sure you speak up. Like men, women aren't telepathic and won't usually see the signs staring them right in the face. If you feel for a particular girl, and she's treating you solely as a friend, let her know how you feel. You may be concerned it will break a friendship, well, if you want something more than friendship, you'll have to risk it. If it does break a friendship, then a relationship would have never worked in the first place, and now you don't have to pine for years while you go unnoticed.

That's not meant to be at all harsh, by the way. Believe me, it took a long time for me to come to this realization.

Yeah I learned from that to be very clear. I thought I had been quite clear, but apparantly not so. As it is it's turned out well and today I'm not sure that a relationship with her would've been such a good idea in any case, but it hurt a bit at the time.

So later on when I had to go back to the shop because we'd forgotten to buy some cream

Good move "forgetting" something like that!

I decided to just tell her that I thought she was really cute and that I thought it was better to tell her that then just try and not stare at her too much.

Well, if you're going to do that (and you should!), you might as well ask her out!

I'm going to tell her next time I see her. And we'll see how it goes. Mayber it will be that, but at least I've had my say.

Let us know how it goes! I'll be cheering you on!

Mr Awe

Well the cream was for a mushroom sauce thingy my cousin wanted to make, and he didn't remember it when we shopped the first time around

And what? No, I can't do that! I can tell her, but I can't ask her out! Can I? I mean is that okay? Or is it just creepy? Yeah like the telling her she's cute bit isn't...Hm. This has me a bit confounded.

 

[RJDiogenes]

^^ It's a pick up. Nothing wrong with that. Whether it's 'creepy' or not depends on what kind of a person she is. You just have to decide, based on how well you know her, how fast you think it's okay to move.

 

[Mr Awe]

In terms of creepiness, it only gets that way if someone continues to persue after any signs that the other person is not interested. I can't see Emher doing that!

Here's a plan. Go ahead and tell her how cute she is, just as you mentioned. Then, see what her reaction is. If it's positive, go ahead and ask her out!

Mr Awe

 

[Emher]

^Yeah I'm man enough to get that no means no. And yeah that's a pretty good idea actually. Gonna struggle like hell on the wording, but still good.

 

[Colonel Green]

^ Does she know your name yet? If not, work in into conversation, build up to asking her out by providing a few detail about yourself. Mention where you work, if you live nearby etc, it will increase her comfort level. If you feel like you;ve established a rapport, then ask her (esp if she remembers your name) if she'd like to go for coffee. I'd steer clear of telling her how cute she is. Strikes me as a little creepy, and asking her to coffee will express the same message.

 

[Holdfast]

I'd steer clear of telling her how cute she is. Strikes me as a little creepy, and asking her to coffee will express the same message.

Especially if he writes it on the foam of her cappucino.

 

[CorporalClegg]

Emher, I was in a very similar situation this past week. Like you I've seen this uber-cute checkout girl several times and she does recognize me. Anyhoo, on Monday she was there and she ask me, "So did you find everything?" (As they tend to do.) And I smiled and said, "Well, I came seeking perfect clarity, enlightenment and beauty; I'm still looking for the clarity and enlightenment." She turned bright red.

I probably should have asked her out right then, but it was really busy and didn't want to be a bother to others (Excuses, I know.)

Besides, I made some bad quip about how the broken stylus fro the credit card machine "Didn't get the point." and probably ruined any chance I had.

 

[Marten]

Asking workers in supermarkets out is more creepy than anything else.

 

[Emher]

I thought putting girls in wholes in the ground in the cellar and asking them to put lotion on their skin would take the cake though.

 

[doubleohfive]

The one thing I've learned when approaching women who catch my interest but happen to be working at their jobs when they catch my interest, (i.e. bartenders, waitresses, etc.) is you REALLY need to know how to read the signals. Or at least be honest with yourself and not hope you're interpreting a signal the way you want to. Be aware, essentially.

Does she touch you? Go out of her way to neglect other customers so she can spend more time talking to you? Or is she just making eye contact and being polite?

It may seem like a minor thing but it can be a world of difference between the two.

 

[CorporalClegg]

Asking workers in supermarkets out is more creepy than anything else.

 

[Marten]

In Swedish, that sentence actually makes more sense. Emher can testify; Att bjuda ut någon från en matbutik är mer läskigt, än något annat. I added a comma as well.

The point is that creepy is the first thing that comes to mind about this, not that there aren't more creepy activities. Which of course there are.

 

[Emher]

In Swedish, that sentence actually makes more sense. Emher can testify; Att bjuda ut någon från en matbutik är mer läskigt, än något annat. I added a comma as well.

The point is that creepy is the first thing that comes to mind about this, not that there aren't more creepy activities. Which of course there are.

Wait, so are you saying that I'm the creepy one if asking that in such a place, or are you saying that it would be a frightening thing to do?

The one thing I've learned when approaching women who catch my interest but happen to be working at their jobs when they catch my interest, (i.e. bartenders, waitresses, etc.) is you REALLY need to know how to read the signals. Or at least be honest with yourself and not hope you're interpreting a signal the way you want to. Be aware, essentially.

Does she touch you? Go out of her way to neglect other customers so she can spend more time talking to you? Or is she just making eye contact and being polite?

It may seem like a minor thing but it can be a world of difference between the two.

Well she's looked at me once in a while when I approach the checkout area, and she's always nice to me... But I'm crap at reading signals, which is what this thread originates in.

 

[RandyS]

Asking workers in supermarkets out is more creepy than anything else.

Bullshit. When I was a young man, I did that all the time. Got laughed at alot, but hey.....