• Welcome! The TrekBBS is the number one place to chat about Star Trek with like-minded fans.
    If you are not already a member then please register an account and join in the discussion!

Should I join a dating service?

Whatever happened to just having REAL friends that you picked with an eye NOT toward what they could DO for you, but toward genuine common interests and compatible personalities and just plain 'ole LIKING THEM? Whatever happened to just helping someone because it's the RIGHT THING TO DO? And not something you do in order to GET something from them? Does anyone out there even GET that anymore?

Nothing happened. People still have real friends, and people still help each other out of compassion. I'm not sure what that has to do with dating services though.
 
Whatever happened to just having REAL friends that you picked with an eye NOT toward what they could DO for you, but toward genuine common interests and compatible personalities and just plain 'ole LIKING THEM? Whatever happened to just helping someone because it's the RIGHT THING TO DO? And not something you do in order to GET something from them? Does anyone out there even GET that anymore?

Nothing happened. People still have real friends, and people still help each other out of compassion. I'm not sure what that has to do with dating services though.

Apparently she just felt like writing a book length rant.
 
Not in my experience. What, in your opinion, is wrong with bars?
Because with an online dating service you have a better chance of meeting somebody compatible. If you go to bars, you just meet random people. My life revolves around the Arts & Sciences-- and this is true at least to some degree of the people on this Board-- and the odds of meeting somebody like that by walking into a bar is much lower than doing a specialized search.

I like random people and I like surprises. I could think I'm into something, and then be totally shocked to find out I like something completely different that I didn't even know about myself.
Well, then you should give up all your worldly possessions and move to Amish country to become a farmer. You might be totally shocked that this is what you always wanted. ;)

There's something to be said about fancying up your hair, putting on nice clothes for a night out where other people are doing the same.
There is something to be said for it: "It's boring." :rommie:

And why wouldn't you be able to find someone who enjoys the "Arts and Sciences" at a bar?
Because a minority of people are, and they are less likely to hang out in bars. If you go to bars to meet people, you are more likely to meet people who enjoy hanging out in bars. Or football. Or whatever. Bars are fine for mainstream people; I'm not a mainstream person.

I stopped being "nice" when I was 17, I wised up fast.
Then you did the exact opposite of "wising up."

I've never understood the term "boys' locker room" chat.
"Locker room chat" is what women call it when men talk about women the same way that women talk about men. :rommie:

This. Listen to the man. :techman:
No, I don't think so. :rommie:

My experience is that when people don't like to go to bars then they simply are uncomfortable with people, and "hide" in the anonymity of the Interweb where they feel safe and in control.
Your experience is limited then.

You don't have to go to bars to meet people. If you are an Art & Sciences person, and think you wouldn't find someone in a bar (but I assure you that you certainly would), then go to museums as well... and meet people.
This is a much better idea. Still a longshot, but a far better idea than bars.
 
There is something to be said for it: "It's boring." :rommie:

That sort of thing is disappointing from you, RJDiogenes. I mean I get that maybe it's not your scene, but JW is explaining what he likes about it and you're just kind of insulting it.

I think the "bar scene" is actually something that varies a lot and people have this view of it that's not always accurate. I dunno, it seems like people in general have these strict ideas of what kind of people are where and although there are general trends, I don't think the world works like that at all. You can find me in a bar, club, museum, class, coffee shop, park, gym, or on the internet. I'd hate to be stereotyped because of a single place I frequent.

And while I do think dating services are good for certain types of people, there's something to be said for stretching your own comfort zone and trying other things as well.
 
There is something to be said for it: "It's boring." :rommie:

That sort of thing is disappointing from you, RJDiogenes. I mean I get that maybe it's not your scene, but JW is explaining what he likes about it and you're just kind of insulting it.
No, I was just joking. I've done it myself, back in the early 80s. It was good for meeting people to go to a concert with or something, but it was not my scene. And getting out of your comfort zone is fine, but at this point I'm old enough to know that I won't meet anybody compatible in a bar any more than I would at one of those Church functions that my Mother would like me to go to. ;)
 
I have been able to determine over the years is simply this - a nice guy.

You have NO IDEA what a premium women place on 'being a nice guy'. Most of us (especially those of us who have been around a bit and have learned from our mistakes in picking men) would sell our souls for a guy who is kind, considerate, caring, honest, intelligent, and simply decent. Throw in the ability to support himself and live within his means (a non-freeloader) and a bit of ambition (doesn't have to want to be Donald Trump...but at least aspire to something he enjoys doing that is more challenging than your basic minimum wage work - this shows a guy to be willing to take charge of his own life - something we like to see) and you have a winning combination.


It's funny in an ironic, cruel sense, in that by the time girls start to learn from their mistakes, guys are so burned from being a "nice guy" and getting stepped on that we've hung up our nice guy attitudes.

I stopped being "nice" when I was 17, I wised up fast.

Yeah...I can appreciate that.:lol:

I won't deny it. Many of us girls (including myself) were STUPID in our younger days. I mean, we could not have BEEN any more blind, deaf and DUMB as a box of frakkin' ROCKS.

Seriously.

The high school quarterback? :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

*facepalm*


Man...I SO coulda' had a V-8! :lol:

All the girls wanted to go out with that guy. And you know what? Most of the time, that guy was a major douchebag who wanted nothing more than to get in our pants as quickly as possible and yell 'NEXT!".

Now...I have absolutely NO idea what we were thinking back then, and why we were so frakkin' DUMB. But we do change later...or most of us do, anyway.

However, to add another layer of miscommunication to this circle-fuck of the sexes....in truth, I think the really beautiful girls (ie - the girls men chase the hardest for the rest of their lives) have a SMALLER chance of changing than those of us who were merely 'cute' (I was in this category) or a 'regular girl'. Because the really beautiful girls are very similar to the high school quarterbacks of the world - they are used to getting whatever they want, and they are used to not having to care about anyone else's feelings. For a lot of these girls, the message they have been given their entire lives is that it IS, in fact, 'All About Them'. And generally, people who think this way are NOT the sort who are very kind, considerate, or generous in a relationship.

However, the DIFFERENCE is that women, for the most part (unless they are Too Stupid To Live) grow out of this fascination with the douchebag high school quarterback kind of guy (or his equivalent in the adult life of corporate America) by their late 20's to early 30's...whereas men NEVER seem to get past their utter and complete fixation with The Hottest Girl In The Room.

And they stumble and drool after these women (who oftentimes could not BE any more bitchy, demanding and selfish) while the rest of us girls look on in utter disbelief and wonder why the heck these guys chase after these women who a) they have no possibiity of getting; and who b) would make them MISERABLE, even if they DID get them....when they could have US - girls who would knock ourselves out trying to make them happy. :lol:

Bottom line - it's a miracle anyone ever manages to find anyone else. Because as best I can determine, we spend most of our lives at cross-purposes....and crossed lines of communication.
 
I have been able to determine over the years is simply this - a nice guy.

You have NO IDEA what a premium women place on 'being a nice guy'. Most of us (especially those of us who have been around a bit and have learned from our mistakes in picking men) would sell our souls for a guy who is kind, considerate, caring, honest, intelligent, and simply decent. Throw in the ability to support himself and live within his means (a non-freeloader) and a bit of ambition (doesn't have to want to be Donald Trump...but at least aspire to something he enjoys doing that is more challenging than your basic minimum wage work - this shows a guy to be willing to take charge of his own life - something we like to see) and you have a winning combination.


It's funny in an ironic, cruel sense, in that by the time girls start to learn from their mistakes, guys are so burned from being a "nice guy" and getting stepped on that we've hung up our nice guy attitudes.

I stopped being "nice" when I was 17, I wised up fast.

Yeah...I can appreciate that.:lol:

I won't deny it. Many of us girls (including myself) were STUPID in our younger days. I mean, we could not have BEEN any more blind, deaf and DUMB as a box of frakkin' ROCKS.

Seriously.

The high school quarterback? :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

*facepalm*


Man...I SO coulda' had a V-8! :lol:

All the girls wanted to go out with that guy. And you know what? Most of the time, that guy was a major douchebag who wanted nothing more than to get in our pants as quickly as possible and yell 'NEXT!".

Now...I have absolutely NO idea what we were thinking back then, and why we were so frakkin' DUMB. But we do change later...or most of us do, anyway.

However, to add another layer of miscommunication to this circle-fuck of the sexes....in truth, I think the really beautiful girls (ie - the girls men chase the hardest for the rest of their lives) have a SMALLER chance of changing than those of us who were merely 'cute' (I was in this category) or a 'regular girl'. Because the really beautiful girls are very similar to the high school quarterbacks of the world - they are used to getting whatever they want, and they are used to not having to care about anyone else's feelings. For a lot of these girls, the message they have been given their entire lives is that it IS, in fact, 'All About Them'. And generally, people who think this way are NOT the sort who are very kind, considerate, or generous in a relationship.

However, the DIFFERENCE is that women, for the most part (unless they are Too Stupid To Live) grow out of this fascination with the douchebag high school quarterback kind of guy (or his equivalent in the adult life of corporate America) by their late 20's to early 30's...whereas men NEVER seem to get past their utter and complete fixation with The Hottest Girl In The Room.

And they stumble and drool after these women (who oftentimes could not BE any more bitchy, demanding and selfish) while the rest of us girls look on in utter disbelief and wonder why the heck these guys chase after these women who a) they have no possibiity of getting; and who b) would make them MISERABLE, even if they DID get them....when they could have US - girls who would knock ourselves out trying to make them happy. :lol:

Bottom line - it's a miracle anyone ever manages to find anyone else. Because as best I can determine, we spend most of our lives at cross-purposes....and crossed lines of communication.

Well, there are nice guys who want to make nice girls happy. Someone has to notice. I think what burns out a lot of nice guys, and yes I do consider myself a nice guy, is that often, after a while, we realize that by the time a girl starts paying attention to us nice guys, she's already been wild and crazy with the bad boys. We start to feel like the sweet, cheerful dog you come home to after puking your guts out at a binge party with a bunch of football players.

That doesn't mean all women, not at all, but I think a lot of nice guys have had that experience happen to them and they expect it. We're the backup, the sure thing. It can be a bit unsettling.
 
You don't have to go to bars to meet people. If you are an Art & Sciences person, and think you wouldn't find someone in a bar (but I assure you that you certainly would), then go to museums as well... and meet people.
This is a much better idea. Still a longshot, but a far better idea than bars.

A longshot? How do you think people met other people before Internet Dating sites were invented?
 
You don't have to go to bars to meet people. If you are an Art & Sciences person, and think you wouldn't find someone in a bar (but I assure you that you certainly would), then go to museums as well... and meet people.
This is a much better idea. Still a longshot, but a far better idea than bars.

A longshot? How do you think people met other people before Internet Dating sites were invented?

Most couples I know got together during high school, college, or at work. It's rare in my experience that anybody meets outside of those conditions.
 
Exactly. And those outside the mainstream generally needed to settle for someone more ordinary if they wanted a long-term relationship.
 
This is a much better idea. Still a longshot, but a far better idea than bars.

A longshot? How do you think people met other people before Internet Dating sites were invented?

Most couples I know got together during high school, college, or at work. It's rare in my experience that anybody meets outside of those conditions.

Then your experience is limited. ;)

Exactly. And those outside the mainstream generally needed to settle for someone more ordinary if they wanted a long-term relationship.

Why are those outside the mainstream outside to begin with?
 
That doesn't even mean anything. My experience is what it is. I know a lot of couples, some young, some old, and none of them met anywhere other than school or work.
 
JarodRussell said:
My experience is that when people don't like to go to bars then they simply are uncomfortable with people, and "hide" in the anonymity of the Interweb where they feel safe and in control.
Your experience is limited then.

That doesn't even mean anything. My experience is what it is.

Thank you, RoJoHen, for defending my point against RJDiogenes non-argument. ;)
 

Yep. Happened to me. For more info, read my initial post on page one.

What sites did you use? Stealmymoneyforhotness.com? :lol:

The point is, once they have access to your credit card number (or ATM card), they can take money out of your account above and beyond the sign up fee. And twice, after signing onto those dating sites, I noticed charges on my bank account for things I never bought, and in one case, never heard of. Those dating sites were discovered to be the source of these unauthorized charges, which is why I am leery of them.

I just thank god they are no longer necessary.
 
If you are not already a member then please register an account and join in the discussion!

Sign up / Register


Back
Top