Self-Deprecate!

[Peach Wookiee]

Okay, mine has to do with cake failure...
A few years ago, I read a recipe for spongecake Genoise and thought it looked easy. So I got the ingredients and proceeded to make the batter. I clearly did not have the mixing procedure down because my first attempt was like omelet mix over memory foam!

 

[Green Shirt]

While driving to college one day, my car's engine began smoking. I got out of the car, locked the door (a reflex, I suppose) leaving my expensive books inside, and began walking to the nearest phone booth (pre cell phone era).

Halfway there, I heard the fire engines approaching and doubled back. The engine was now fully burning, with flames coming out from around the hood. A fireman asked if this was my car. I told him yes, and walked past him. With no sense of urgency, I unlocked the front door, reached in and grabbed my books and got out of the way.

The strangest part of this story is me walking up and reaching into a burning car (must have been in some kind of trance). But the firemen must have also been in a trance because they let me do it!

 

[thestrangequark]

I once took the time to do my nails and make up before going to the emergency room and subsequently spending three days in the Intensive Care Unit, because I am that vain.

 

[Mr Awe]

The strangest part of this story is me walking up and reaching into a burning car (must have been in some kind of trance).

That's called shock and is typical. It's just like the people in a plane crash who instead of exiting immediately will go and retrieve their carry on luggage!

Very normal.

Mr Awe

 

[RevdKathy]

My finest moment was probably trying to get the last chicken out of a supermarket deep freeze. It should be noted that I am a massive 4' 8" tall. Or short, depending on how you look at it.

I don't know the exact dimensions of a Tesco deep freeze, but I do know that the corner furthest away, diagonally, from the shopper is slightly further than what can best be described as the 'tipping point' of an individual 4' 8" tall.

It took two people to help me out from the ignominious position of face down in a deep freeze, legs in the air, skirt round my (frozen) shoulders.

I prefer fresh chicken these days.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

I once tried, against all logic, to make pudding from scratch. I somehow, inexplicably, ended up with this mutant slop that had little bits of SCRAMBLED EGG in it. Still scratching my head about that one.

Another time, I was playing softball and swung, missed the ball, and hit myself on the back of the head.

because I am that vain.

But are you so vain that you think this thread is about you?

 

[Toxteth O´Grady]

When I was younger I used to sprinkle sugar in my Cheerios, Chex, Kix; basically any cereal that didn't have marshmallows and crunchy, sugary cereal. One morning I decide to pour myself a nice, big bowl of Chex. I grab the..."sugar"...container from the pantry and proceed to sprinkle it in like I always do. After giving it a good stir, making sure the..."sugar"...is evenly spread around the entire bowl, I dunk my spoon in, pull out a generous amount of Chex mixed with..."sugar"...and shove it all in my mouth. As you've probably guessed by now, I accidentally mixed up the sugar and the salt containers. Within one second I knew something was wrong as it was the nastiest, most awful spoonful of cereal I had ever eaten in my life. I'm pretty sure my dad and one of my brothers were witness to this incident. I doubt that they remember it, but I still do.

 

[Green Shirt]

I accidentally mixed up the sugar and the salt containers. Within one second I knew something was wrong as it was the nastiest, most awful spoonful of cereal I had ever eaten in my life.

Reminds me of a childish incident that happened between my sister and me over a TV dinner. I heated up a dinner which I didn't know she had her eye on (back in the day before microwaves when it took 38 minutes in the oven). She got mad and dumped about a cup of salt on it. In my 10 year old dumbness, I tried to salvage it by pouring a cup of sugar on it, hoping they would cancel each other out. One bite convinced me it wasn't a good idea.

 

[Toxteth O´Grady]

Blech!! That sounds nasty! I actually do like some things that combine sweet and salty ingredients like pretzel M&Ms, but it needs to be done carefully.

 

[Green Shirt]

Blech!! That sounds nasty! I actually do like some things that combine sweet and salty ingredients like pretzel M&Ms, but it needs to be done carefully.

And in moderation.

 

[Captain Kathryn]

I've laughed so hard I peed myself a bit on numerous occasions.

Glad I got that off my chest.

 

[Toxteth O´Grady]

Blech!! That sounds nasty! I actually do like some things that combine sweet and salty ingredients like pretzel M&Ms, but it needs to be done carefully.

And in moderation.

Ain't that the truth. Pretzel M&Ms were an obsession of mine for a while.

 

[Mary Ann]

When I first started to learn to cook I could only make egg dishes, and I'd turn the heating element on my mother's electric hob/stove on the highest setting when cooking the eggs. I must have been 9 or 10 and my mother was away, so I decided to make Hamburger Helper for everyone's supper. That's when I learned that if you try to cook mince on the highest setting you start a grease fire. Thankfully I knew not to throw water on a grease fire but to put salt on it and put the pot lid on (I read that in a Bobbsey Twins book. Yes, really) There was no harm done, and it was only several years later that I realised the situation could have turned out far worse.

I'm a freestyle cook who generally uses recipes only as basic a guideline (apart from when I'm baking, because any real deviation results in either mushy goop or a brick), so there have been several occasions where I've spent three hours in the kitchen and ended up serving everyone cheese sandwiches because something went very, very wrong. That's all part of the fun of cooking, though, and I love spending time in the kitchen.

 

[thestrangequark]

^Coincidentally, I caught on fire cooking Hamburger Helper when I was eight. I leaned too far over the stove (I was standing on a stool to reach) and my shirt went up in flames. I just stood on the stool in shock, fortunately my older sister ran over, pulled the shirt off me (it was a loose, lacy vest thing), and stomped the fire out. The only injury was to my wardrobe.

 

[Mary Ann]

Wow, so we've both had close calls with Hamburger Helper. Spooky!

 

[thestrangequark]

We should start a support group.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Two days ago, I'm checking into my hotel here in Milwaukee, and I get STUCK ON THE DAMN ELEVATOR.

This is because I'm such a dumbass that I didn't realize I was supposed to scan my room key before hitting the button for the floor. (There were other people in the elevator and I'd ridden it to the level they were going to. That's when I got stuck.)

So what do I do then? I call for help and everything, THEN realize I could have just gone back to the lobby and got out.

Whoopsies.

 

[Leviathan]

I am not a fish.

 

[Mary Ann]

We should start a support group.

Or just avoid Hamburger Helper. That probably the better solution. I can't get it in England anyway.

 

[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

What IS hamburger helper?