I walked into the grocery store today. It was different than I remembered.
I made my way through the produce section - roma tomatoes, on sale! and found myself in the main concourse. Already the decorations for Halloween were stocked in the candy aisle. The faint aroma of cinnamon glittering in the air, infusing the atmosphere with autumnal glory.
That's when I noticed the change. That's when I realized what had happened.
We thought we knew. We thought it was just something that happened every October.
We were wrong. We were so, so wrong.
I quietly passed each aisle, taking note of the scandalous inventory, their peppery demeanor, all at once cheerful, festive and hued in golden oranges and light browns.
They mocked me as I took each pensive step, hoping to not incur their wrath. I knew they were judging me, sizing me up, and scoffing at my hubris.
The agony of it all was unbearable. The shame. The agony!
They did everything they could. Look at them! Forcing themselves on me! Forcing their spectre, their visages upon my virgin eyes! How dare they!
The societal guilt complex I normally can ignore was magnified to eleven. The spiced air about me signaled that the battle's end was near. No longer was I traveling this river of blood to simply pass through from one point to another. Now I was in a struggle for my very life, my hopes and aspirations now squashed behind me.
No longer the free man I was when I entered the store, I desperately bid for my salvation. "Spare me!" I begged. "I knew not what I was doing! Forgive me my tresspasses!"
But their eyes were cold. Their ears, unhearing. It was all too late. Far, far too late.
No man is an island. The sheer umbrage of their disquiet and the weight of the influence of their flavor overwhelmed me. Defeated, I gave in to their oppressing magnitude and everpresent shadow.
The umbella of the taste pervading my very being. As if with one voice, they spoke out to me, first in hushed, honeyed tones and then louder and with ferocity unlike any other, two words. The horror! The pain! The cruel, cold indifference of this world! The same two words. Over and over again.
"We're everywhere."
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DEAR LORD! ALLAH! BUDDHA! JESUS! HOMER SIMPSON! SPARE US THIS INDIGNITY! SPARE US FROM THIS PUMPKINSANITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
