Searching for an ex gay therapist

[Gotham Central]

I'm usually very good at finding things on the internet, but this has proven illusive.

I've been trying to find an ex-gay (gay reparative) therapist or group for more than a year now with no success. They seem to be quite prolific in the South but in the Chicago metro area where I live, these groups seem to have either vanished or been driven so far underground as to be next to impossible to find. It seems odd to have this much difficulty to find a service when you need it, but this has proven quite challenging.

Thus I'm looking for suggestions of places where one could look for information.

For reference I snapped up the Exodus app (before it was removed from iTunes, and checked their website. Been to PFOX and People can change, but their resources seem virtually nonexistent in this area.

Am I missing something?

 

[RoJoHen]

I'm not even sure I understand what you're looking for, but I feel like I should be offended by it.

 

[Robert Maxwell]

I'm usually very good at finding things on the internet, but this has proven illusive.

I've been trying to find an ex-gay (gay reparative) therapist or group for more than a year now with no success. They seem to be quite prolific in the South but in the Chicago metro area where I live, these groups seem to have either vanished or been driven so far underground as to be next to impossible to find. It seems odd to have this much difficulty to find a service when you need it, but this has proven quite challenging.

Thus I'm looking for suggestions of places where one could look for information.

For reference I snapped up the Exodus app (before it was removed from iTunes, and checked their website. Been to PFOX and People can change, but their resources seem virtually nonexistent in this area.

Am I missing something?

It has been outlawed in some states and is in the process of being outlawed in others.

If you are insistent on finding such a resource, here you go.

If you are struggling with your own sexuality and looking for a "cure," however, there is no evidence that conversion therapy works, and in fact plenty of evidence to the contrary. Even attempting it psychologically damaging. Making peace with yourself and who you are is the only real "cure."

 

[Gotham Central]

I'm usually very good at finding things on the internet, but this has proven illusive.

I've been trying to find an ex-gay (gay reparative) therapist or group for more than a year now with no success. They seem to be quite prolific in the South but in the Chicago metro area where I live, these groups seem to have either vanished or been driven so far underground as to be next to impossible to find. It seems odd to have this much difficulty to find a service when you need it, but this has proven quite challenging.

Thus I'm looking for suggestions of places where one could look for information.

For reference I snapped up the Exodus app (before it was removed from iTunes, and checked their website. Been to PFOX and People can change, but their resources seem virtually nonexistent in this area.

Am I missing something?

It has been outlawed in some states and is in the process of being outlawed in others.

If you are insistent on finding such a resource, here you go.

If you are struggling with your own sexuality and looking for a "cure," however, there is no evidence that conversion therapy works, and in fact plenty of evidence to the contrary. Even attempting it psychologically damaging. Making peace with yourself and who you are is the only real "cure."

Thanks for the link

Ironically I actually went to living waters to try and join their group. I don't think I was religious enough for them and was not picked to join.

I need to try again. I was hoping to find something where one is more likely to be allowed to join. Ironically the fact that they have sufficient demand for their services that they actually have to turn folks away should be a sign that we need more resources in the area.

 

[Gotham Central]

I'm not even sure I understand what you're looking for, but I feel like I should be offended by it.

Why would you be offended by someone looking for information?

 

[Robert Maxwell]

I'm usually very good at finding things on the internet, but this has proven illusive.

I've been trying to find an ex-gay (gay reparative) therapist or group for more than a year now with no success. They seem to be quite prolific in the South but in the Chicago metro area where I live, these groups seem to have either vanished or been driven so far underground as to be next to impossible to find. It seems odd to have this much difficulty to find a service when you need it, but this has proven quite challenging.

Thus I'm looking for suggestions of places where one could look for information.

For reference I snapped up the Exodus app (before it was removed from iTunes, and checked their website. Been to PFOX and People can change, but their resources seem virtually nonexistent in this area.

Am I missing something?

It has been outlawed in some states and is in the process of being outlawed in others.

If you are insistent on finding such a resource, here you go.

If you are struggling with your own sexuality and looking for a "cure," however, there is no evidence that conversion therapy works, and in fact plenty of evidence to the contrary. Even attempting it psychologically damaging. Making peace with yourself and who you are is the only real "cure."

Thanks for the link

Ironically I actually went to living waters to try and join their group. I don't think I was religious enough for them and was not picked to join.

I need to try again. I was hoping to find something where one is more likely to be allowed to join. Ironically the fact that they have sufficient demand for their services that they actually have to turn folks away should be a sign that we need more resources in the area.

With the closure of Exodus International, Living Waters looks to be the only sizable one left in the US.

I am a little confused. You aren't very religious but you don't want to be gay?

 

[Gotham Central]

It has been outlawed in some states and is in the process of being outlawed in others.

If you are insistent on finding such a resource, here you go.

If you are struggling with your own sexuality and looking for a "cure," however, there is no evidence that conversion therapy works, and in fact plenty of evidence to the contrary. Even attempting it psychologically damaging. Making peace with yourself and who you are is the only real "cure."

Thanks for the link

Ironically I actually went to living waters to try and join their group. I don't think I was religious enough for them and was not picked to join.

I need to try again. I was hoping to find something where one is more likely to be allowed to join. Ironically the fact that they have sufficient demand for their services that they actually have to turn folks away should be a sign that we need more resources in the area.

With the closure of Exodus International, Living Waters looks to be the only sizable one left in the US.

I am a little confused. You aren't very religious but you don't want to be gay?

That kind of sucks. I was hoping that there might be more options

No Im not religious and am progressive on most issues for other people.

 

[BigJake]

I'm not even sure I understand what you're looking for, but I feel like I should be offended by it.

Why would you be offended by someone looking for information?

It's kind of like if someone African-American came on the boards looking for references to skin-bleaching services. There are some people to whom the whole premise will feel weird and unhealthy.

Incidentally, since you mentioned Exodus, it's worth mentioning that they shut down and issued an extraordinary apology for the immense damage they did to many people's lives. So, something to think about, though perhaps you're already aware.

 

[Robert Maxwell]

Thanks for the link

Ironically I actually went to living waters to try and join their group. I don't think I was religious enough for them and was not picked to join.

I need to try again. I was hoping to find something where one is more likely to be allowed to join. Ironically the fact that they have sufficient demand for their services that they actually have to turn folks away should be a sign that we need more resources in the area.

With the closure of Exodus International, Living Waters looks to be the only sizable one left in the US.

I am a little confused. You aren't very religious but you don't want to be gay?

That kind of sucks. I was hoping that there might be more options

No Im not religious and am progressive on most issues for other people.

But for yourself, you aren't comfortable with the attractions/feelings you have?

I admit I don't know you at all, but the best advice I could give you is to seek out a more mainstream therapist. That is, an actual clinical/counseling psychologist, or a licensed mental health counselor. They won't be able to "cure" you of whatever unwanted feelings you're having, but they should be able to help you come to terms with and accept them as part of yourself.

 

[Gotham Central]

I'm not even sure I understand what you're looking for, but I feel like I should be offended by it.

Why would you be offended by someone looking for information?

It's kind of like if someone African-American came on the boards looking for references to skin-bleaching services. There are some people to whom the whole premise will feel weird and unhealthy.

Incidentally, since you mentioned Exodus, it's worth mentioning that they shut down and issued an extraordinary apology for the immense damage they did to many people's lives. So, something to think about, though perhaps you're already aware.

I don't know…I'm African American. I would not be "offended" by someone seeking the information. But I guess I'm more libertarian on personal choices like that.

 

[Gotham Central]

With the closure of Exodus International, Living Waters looks to be the only sizable one left in the US.

I am a little confused. You aren't very religious but you don't want to be gay?

That kind of sucks. I was hoping that there might be more options

No Im not religious and am progressive on most issues for other people.

But for yourself, you aren't comfortable with the attractions/feelings you have?

I admit I don't know you at all, but the best advice I could give you is to seek out a more mainstream therapist. That is, an actual clinical/counseling psychologist, or a licensed mental health counselor. They won't be able to "cure" you of whatever unwanted feelings you're having, but they should be able to help you come to terms with and accept them as part of yourself.

Its…complicated. But the information should help

 

[BigJake]

I don't know…I'm African American. I would not be "offended" by someone seeking the information.

I'm not saying you would. But you can probably work out why many would find the premise of the question disturbing. Right?

 

[Locutus of Bored]

Why would you be offended by someone looking for information?

It's saying that a huge part of one's identity, something they're born with and have possibly suffered bigotry and family strife for, is nothing more than a disorder that can be or needs to be cured with some destructive "therapy". I'm not going to begrudge you your decision; I'll just hope that you change your mind, but it should be understandable that someone who is gay might find this offensive or upsetting given how many gay people have been emotionally scarred by these "treatments," and the implication that they have a disorder that needs to be cured.

Anyway, I do hope you don't go through with it, because these ex-gay programs have been shown to be immensely damaging. I can't for a minute imagine what you must have gone through to come to such a drastic decision, but I would just ask you to look at how much progress has been made in the country over the past decade alone and realize that being gay is not something that needs to be "cured" to live a happy and fulfilling life, nor was it ever.

Best wishes to you.

 

[Gotham Central]

Why would you be offended by someone looking for information?

It's saying that a huge part of one's identity, something they're born with and have possibly suffered bigotry and family strife for, is nothing more than a disorder that can be or needs to be cured with some destructive "therapy". I'm not going to begrudge you your decision; I'll just hope that you change your mind, but it should be understandable that someone who is gay might find this offensive or upsetting given how many gay people have been emotionally scarred by these "treatments," and the implication that they have a disorder that needs to be cured.

Anyway, I do hope you don't go through with it, because these ex-gay programs have been shown to be immensely damaging. I can't for a minute imagine what you must have gone through to come to such a drastic decision, but I would just ask you to look at how much progress has been made in the country over the past decade alone and realize that being gay is not something that needs to be "cured" to live a happy and fulfilling life, nor was it ever.

Best wishes to you.

I guess I look at it differently. There is a difference between someone saying "I want/choose to do X" vs "everyone who is Y has to do X."

I think that's why I've had an issue with those that seek to ban this therapy. Just because one or several people would make a choice that best suits them but is different from and in opposition to what others would do does not mean that one should be offended by or denied the choice.

 

[Robert Maxwell]

Why would you be offended by someone looking for information?

It's saying that a huge part of one's identity, something they're born with and have possibly suffered bigotry and family strife for, is nothing more than a disorder that can be or needs to be cured with some destructive "therapy". I'm not going to begrudge you your decision; I'll just hope that you change your mind, but it should be understandable that someone who is gay might find this offensive or upsetting given how many gay people have been emotionally scarred by these "treatments," and the implication that they have a disorder that needs to be cured.

Anyway, I do hope you don't go through with it, because these ex-gay programs have been shown to be immensely damaging. I can't for a minute imagine what you must have gone through to come to such a drastic decision, but I would just ask you to look at how much progress has been made in the country over the past decade alone and realize that being gay is not something that needs to be "cured" to live a happy and fulfilling life, nor was it ever.

Best wishes to you.

I guess I look at it differently. There is a difference between someone saying "I want/choose to do X" vs "everyone who is Y has to do X."

I think that's why I've had an issue with those that seek to ban this therapy. Just because one or several people would make a choice that best suits them but is different from and in opposition to what others would do does not mean that one should be offended by or denied the choice.

Things that are demonstrably harmful to people do get banned, though. Even Exodus International, as BigJake said, came out and apologized for all the damage they'd caused--and they were one the greatest boosters of gay conversion therapy.

It just doesn't work. Worse than that, it's actively harmful.

Generally speaking, the government does outlaw supposed medical treatments that either don't produce the results they are supposed to, or that actually harm people. Gay conversion therapy is guilty of both.

That may not be what you want to hear, but no matter how much you may want to believe it works, the facts show that it doesn't.

No one is saying you have to do anything. Whatever you are feeling, how you act on it is up to you. Some of us are just trying to caution you against something that just doesn't work and would likely just cause you more pain.

 

[Gotham Central]

It's saying that a huge part of one's identity, something they're born with and have possibly suffered bigotry and family strife for, is nothing more than a disorder that can be or needs to be cured with some destructive "therapy". I'm not going to begrudge you your decision; I'll just hope that you change your mind, but it should be understandable that someone who is gay might find this offensive or upsetting given how many gay people have been emotionally scarred by these "treatments," and the implication that they have a disorder that needs to be cured.

Anyway, I do hope you don't go through with it, because these ex-gay programs have been shown to be immensely damaging. I can't for a minute imagine what you must have gone through to come to such a drastic decision, but I would just ask you to look at how much progress has been made in the country over the past decade alone and realize that being gay is not something that needs to be "cured" to live a happy and fulfilling life, nor was it ever.

Best wishes to you.

I guess I look at it differently. There is a difference between someone saying "I want/choose to do X" vs "everyone who is Y has to do X."

I think that's why I've had an issue with those that seek to ban this therapy. Just because one or several people would make a choice that best suits them but is different from and in opposition to what others would do does not mean that one should be offended by or denied the choice.

Things that are demonstrably harmful to people do get banned, though. Even Exodus International, as BigJake said, came out and apologized for all the damage they'd caused--and they were one the greatest boosters of gay conversion therapy.

It just doesn't work. Worse than that, it's actively harmful.

Generally speaking, the government does outlaw supposed medical treatments that either don't produce the results they are supposed to, or that actually harm people. Gay conversion therapy is guilty of both.

That may not be what you want to hear, but no matter how much you may want to believe it works, the facts show that it doesn't.

No one is saying you have to do anything. Whatever you are feeling, how you act on it is up to you. Some of us are just trying to caution you against something that just doesn't work and would likely just cause you more pain.

I can guarantee that not finding this is proving much more painful than going through with it ever could be. Sometimes circumstances compels one to make choices that others would never dream of.

Such is life.

 

[JarodRussell]

This might come off as a joke (but it's not), but can you sue a doctor performing gay conversion therapy for malpractice/fraud if you are still gay after spending heaps of money on it? In the states where it isn't outlawed already that is.

 

[BigJake]

I can guarantee that not finding this is proving much more painful than going through with it ever could be.

Undergoing a therapy extensively proven to be charlatanry that doesn't work, often causes pyschological damage in the process of not working and has been publicly abandoned as immoral by many of its leading proponents would be less painful than not doing so?

If you say, I guess. I'm not really seeing why just checking in with a mainstream therapist first wouldn't work, but I'm not going to ask for details. If there is any kind of semi-reputable form of what you're looking for, at least they could presumably point you in that direction more reliably than any of us could.

 

[Robert Maxwell]

This might come off as a joke (but it's not), but can you sue a doctor performing gay conversion therapy for malpractice/fraud if you are still gay after spending heaps of money on it? In the states where it isn't outlawed already that is.

I don't think licensed physicians actually perform it, do they? I thought it was something only "Christian counselors" did--basically people with only religious credentials, not any kind of state medical board licensing.

I would imagine any bona fide doctor found to be practicing gay conversion therapy would have their license revoked pretty damn fast because it's ineffective and unethical.

 

[Roger Wilco]

This might come off as a joke (but it's not), but can you sue a doctor performing gay conversion therapy for malpractice/fraud if you are still gay after spending heaps of money on it? In the states where it isn't outlawed already that is.

I don't think you can deduce malpractice simply from lack of success necessarily.