Question for Introverts

[plynch]

Another reason I dislike the two opposite-nouns paradigm (one is either an introvert or extarvert), this is a false dichotomy. Like most (all?) traits, it is a bell-curved spectrum. I've even heard the term "ambivert" which means, like "average," someone who's pretty social, but needs some down time. That's the trouble with the whole Myers-Briggs thing: you can answer 20 questions, be slightly more into, say "feeling" and wha-bam, you're an "F"! People like having names and labels and answers.

Two of my kids, one a boy, one a girl, would always bring a book to family reunions and the like, and sit on a swing and read. Some family members found that off-putting. Oh well.

Life tip: Many people really dislike introversion, especially on the job. They think non-team-player; as nicely described above, that isn't true. But: To self-describe as such in a job interview would be very unwise. Like saying you're an atheist (no offense to readers who are, I'm just saying, it's very disliked).

My wife and I have a scintillating marriage, by the way. She does larger socializing with friend groups at work. We do lots of small moments together. Now in the summer we have coffee every morning on the porch before she goes to the gym. I take a solitary bike ride, ha! Just realized that. Viva la difference. But you gotta make allowances for each other.

 

[Spot's Meow]

Two of my kids, one a boy, one a girl, would always bring a book to family reunions and the like, and sit on a swing and read. Some family members found that off-putting. Oh well.

This is a good point. I don't remember ever really being a victim of bullying at school; I found that my extended family were the ones to really watch out for. One side of the family in particular were very judgmental about my introversion. My grandma and aunt would regularly make snide comments about why I was sitting off on my own, or they would get really offended when I didn't come to an event or if I left early. When we would have events at my house I would often go to my room to be alone for a few minutes before coming back to the party, and she HATED that. Thought it was so disrespectful.

Whatever. As an adult now, when she sends me invites I throw them in the trash. I'm not wasting precious social energy on someone who doesn't appreciate it.

 

[Velocity]

Yeah, family can be more harsh. I had an uncle who used to call me Windy Cindy because he didn't think I was talkative enough. I don't think he meant to be mean, but it did make me uncomfortable when I was young.

 

[Refuge]

But, if not, I want to help him be more extroverted.

In part if he needs to concentrate on having a 'voice' it does make a difference. What may be effortless for others is not for him. I would be tempted to let him find a natural niche. Like a hobby group or interest he can share with like-minded peers so his enthusiasm and achievements can speak for him. People will listen and care. Just a little self-esteem goes a long way. That being said he may not tend ever to being extroverted. Or perhaps he will but for now is just processing working things out.

As for whether being introverted holds people back. It can but I love introspection in people, when they quietly share their insights. There is nothing wrong with being a listener. I remember thinking my brother was introspective. Yet there he was, Professor of Anatomy giving lectures! Like where did that come from??

 

[Avro Arrow]

Since a lot of you have identified as introverts in various threads, I thought I would ask here. Were you always introverted? Do you feel it held you back?

Yes, and yes. Definitely socially, but also in the workplace too. The business world, at least where I work anyway, seems completely geared towards extroverts, and rewards more extroverted behaviour.

Nothing wrong with being an introvert. I have a college degree, job, car, i pay my bills and enjoy my life. If your kid is naturally an introvert just let him be. Trying to make an introvert be more extroverted is horrible for us.

All the likes!

 

[MacLeod]

Life tip: Many people really dislike introversion, especially on the job. They think non-team-player; as nicely described above, that isn't true. But: To self-describe as such in a job interview would be very unwise. Like saying you're an atheist (no offense to readers who are, I'm just saying, it's very disliked).

As someone who has conducted interviews, a person's religious beliefs or lack there of are not relevant to the job and as such have no weight on their suitability for the role. Though as someone who leans to the shy side I loathe interviews for jobs.

But back to the topic at hand, there is nothing wrong with being an introvert and one shouldn't try and force an introvert to change to better suit them. Perhaps some of the issues between introvert and extraverts is that unless you have read up on the differing traits between them many people don't understand the differences between them which can create conflict.

Perhaps it has held me back in terms of relationships but I suspect that is more down to me being shy than introvert. In terms of the workplace I can't really say for sure.

 

[Herbert]

My husband has a hard time understanding my need for "me time".

I have the same problem with my wife. She tolerates it but I don't think she understands my need for it at all. I've often questioned whether I should have gotten married. It's not that I don't love my wife but I have struggled with the loss of my freedom/personal time/whatever you want to call it. Some people just don't need the same amount of human interaction and I definitely am one of those. I like being alone.

As far as being an introvert is concerned, I've been one all my life and although I'm not painfully shy like I was as a kid, I still can't just go up to people I don't know and shoot the shit. I have no problem being in crowds but I despise going to events/parties where I don't know anyone and I'm expected to interact with people.

 

[Steven P Bastien]

Perhaps it has held me back in terms of relationships but I suspect that is more down to me being shy than introvert.

As someone who used to be shy and introverted, and is now only introverted, my experience is that introversion can be worse than shyness in terms of relationships. Even a shy person will quickly overcome shyness when interacting with a lover. But, an introvert has to actively guard against alienating a love-interest over the longer term.

In terms of the workplace I can't really say for sure.

Someone above mentioned that extroverts have the advantage in the workplace. My comment above expressed that it helped me to be an introvert in the workplace. My guess is that it depends on what job you do. For example, I'm an engineer that works on technical projects. In this setting, the introverts run circles around the extroverts. But, I would imagine (I'm guessing) that perhaps in a marketing company, the opposite would be true. Although, in both settings it is still good to have a mix of both types.

By the way, when you work with 100 introverts, even one extrovert can turn the place from a morgue into a discotech.

 

[Spot's Meow]

Someone above mentioned that extroverts have the advantage in the workplace. My comment above expressed that it helped me to be an introvert in the workplace. My guess is that it depends on what job you do. For example, I'm an engineer that works on technical projects. In this setting, the introverts run circles around the extroverts. But, I would imagine (I'm guessing) that perhaps in a marketing company, the opposite would be true. Although, in both settings it is still good to have a mix of both types.

By the way, when you work with 100 introverts, even one extrovert can turn the place from a morgue into a discotech.

I agree that it will depend on the job and setting. My work is very analytical and focused heavily on problem-solving that involves research and setting new policies. The introverted among us seem to be more naturally inclined towards this. However, having extroverted individuals in the office is crucial, not just because it vastly improves the mood of the office but because a lot of the work also involves working with other people to solve the problems. I feel that the introverts and extroverts complement each other quite nicely where I work.

 

[Asbo Zaprudder]

In my experience, some extroverts in the workplace can be braggarts and bullshitters. Eventually, they are exposed when they fail to fulfill their unrealistic promises but not before causing a lot of disruption and incurring great cost to the company. Even when functioning as salesmen, which seems like a natural role, they can make the mistake of lying to customers about the capabilities of a product and cause damage to a company's reputation that way. They have their role but sometimes they need to be monitored.

 

[cosmic mouse]

I've often questioned whether I should have gotten married. It's not that I don't love my wife but I have struggled with the loss of my freedom/personal time/whatever you want to call it. Some people just don't need the same amount of human interaction and I definitely am one of those. I like being alone.

We are exactly the same, Herbert. And this is one of the main reasons why I am not married today. I've had 3-4 guys propose to me over the years (one was a complete stranger on the street- he just approached me and asked if I wanted to marry him, lol). But I love being alone, love my recharge time and my numerous hobbies that really involve no one but me. I love it to the point that I really don't want to reconfigure my existence for another person... but maybe I would if the right guy came along.

 

[Sophie74656]

We are exactly the same, Herbert. And this is one of the main reasons why I am not married today. I've had 3-4 guys propose to me over the years (one was a complete stranger on the street- he just approached me and asked if I wanted to marry him, lol). But I love being alone, love my recharge time and my numerous hobbies that really involve no one but me. I love it to the point that I really don't want to reconfigure my existence for another person... but maybe I would if the right guy came along.

I'm the same way. Most of my hobbies are single person oriented. But being in a relationship has not interfered at all once i found someone who was understanding.

 

[Steven P Bastien]

In my experience, some extroverts in the workplace can be braggarts and bullshitters. Eventually, they are exposed when they fail to fulfill their unrealistic promises but not before causing a lot of disruption and incurring great cost to the company. Even when functioning as salesmen, which seems like a natural role, they can make the mistake of lying to customers about the capabilities of a product and cause damage to a company's reputation that way. They have their role but sometime they need to be monitored.

I'm glad you said "some" because this is a false stereotype. I've known many extroverts with good ethics and in no need of monitoring. I've also known introverts with bad ethics, and introverts are a little better at hiding their crimes, by the way.

 

[cosmic mouse]

I'm the same way. Most of my hobbies are single person oriented. But being in a relationship has not interfered at all once i found someone who was understanding.

Yeah, I think the main issue is I just haven't found someone compatible enough...fair enough!

 

[Sophie74656]

Yeah, I think the main issue is I just haven't found someone compatible enough...fair enough!

Yeah not everyone will be understanding. My ex husband always gave me a hard time about my introverted ways. "I would invite you along but you'll just sit there like a lump and want to go home after a few hours"

 

[Kor]

...
As for whether being introverted holds people back. It can but I love introspection in people, when they quietly share their insights. There is nothing wrong with being a listener. I remember thinking my brother was introspective. Yet there he was, Professor of Anatomy giving lectures! Like where did that come from??

I would have loved to become a professor. I am quite comfortable in a setting where I am a voice of authority that others must listen to.

Hopefully that didn't come across as conceited or something.

Kor

 

[auntiehill]

.......
As for whether being introverted holds people back. It can but I love introspection in people, when they quietly share their insights. There is nothing wrong with being a listener. I remember thinking my brother was introspective. Yet there he was, Professor of Anatomy giving lectures! Like where did that come from??

Actually, lecturing is perfect for an introvert because it's mostly a one-way conversation. I'm very happy training in my job, and pretty good at it (or so they tell me) because it's a structured interaction -- they ask, I answer. They do, I correct. I enjoy doing it-- but I will admit I still break out in a sweat every time, even though it's over the phone.

 

[Sophie74656]

Actually, lecturing is perfect for an introvert because it's mostly a one-way conversation. I'm very happy training in my job, and pretty good at it (or so they tell me) because it's a structured interaction -- they ask, I answer. They do, I correct. I enjoy doing it-- but I will admit I still break out in a sweat every time, even though it's over the phone.

Yeah ive trained people at work and I enjoyed it

 

[cosmic mouse]

Actually, lecturing is perfect for an introvert because it's mostly a one-way conversation. I'm very happy training in my job, and pretty good at it (or so they tell me) because it's a structured interaction -- they ask, I answer. They do, I correct. I enjoy doing it-- but I will admit I still break out in a sweat every time, even though it's over the phone.

My main function at work is actually training and teaching, plus I manage other people (which I loathe). The teaching part is great though and I'm quite talkative when it comes to work. It's if/when the convo turns personal that I tend to clam up or am otherwise resistant.

 

[Steven P Bastien]

Yeah not everyone will be understanding. My ex husband always gave me a hard time about my introverted ways. "I would invite you along but you'll just sit there like a lump and want to go home after a few hours"

It can be frustrating when someone you love sees that bad and not the good. I had the same problem with my ex-wife. She thought we were not compatible because we had totally different interests and ways, while I liked our differences. But, in the end I had to agree that we were incompatible, not because of our interests, or natures, but because one of us liked to celebrate the good, and the other criticize the bad.