Product Tie-Ins That Never Happened

[HIjol]

For Example:

"Commodore Crunch; Ships of the Line"

From the makers of "Cap'n Crunch," "Commodore Crunch; Ships of the Line" features the same yummy (?) cereal you have come to love, now with the crunchy goodness in the shape of the various vessels of the Beloved "Star Trek" series...yes, how you loved them all!...but in each box, a genuine Lincoln Enterprises approved plastic-cast model of one of the "Ships of the Line"...and, for the lucky finder, a select few boxes will hold your very own "Enterprise 1701" Starship...will it be "A?"..."D?"...or the coveted, technically non-existent "C"???...the more you get Mom to buy, the better your chances...and, read all about your favorite Sci-Fi series on the back of the box!!!...

 

[Kevman7987]

Star Trek brand toilet paper; What the Entterprise crew would wipe their butts with, if the Enterprise had any toilets...

 

[Push The Button]

Cardassian Fried Chicken

 

[T'Girl]

Star Trek Communicator brand cellular phones.

Voice only.

Doesn't not include; e-mail, instant messaging, text messaging, voice mail, music player, video player, GPS, camera, or apps of any kind.

Get one today.

 

[Captain Ice]

Star Trek brand seat belts. So comfortable that you'll never realize that they aren't really there...

 

[Richard Baker]

Janeway Finish Restorer- no matter what happens to you, it will be just as good as new the next episode.
From the makers of Shuttle Replacement Skin Care

 

[C.E. Evans]

Star Trek Raktajino Coffee
Made from the finest roasted beans on Boreth.

 

[Bad Thoughts]

iPADD

Hasperats (Lebanese and Mexican style sandwich wraps)

Elim Garak Strategic Consultants

 

[Silvercrest]

Worf Brand Prune Juice
A warrior's drink!

 

[Armored Saint]

Risian massage oil
Tellarite ham

Romulan "windex" to cloak your windows, so powerful it should be illegal.

 

[Melakon]

Marie Callender's Rokeg Blood Pies. For a taste like home made.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Star Trek Raktajino Coffee
Made from the finest roasted beans on Boreth.

I wonder what Raktajino tastes like. Seriously.

I mean, it must be relatively palatable to humans, because we see a lot of them drink it...

 

[Melakon]

It probably tastes like scorched Starbucks, and bitter.

Says me, with another Frappuccino Mocha.

 

[HIjol]

Well, you can have your wish;
Raktajino is a hot, strong black Klingon coffee. Feddies and terrans like it with cream and sugar. There is a coffee company in Las Vegas called Starbase 1 Coffees that sells an officially licenced blend called Raktajino. It is made of Arabica coffee. Esspresso and Arabic coffee without cream and sugar, are excellent examples of what Raktajino would taste like. (Source: Klingon.org).

 

[sojourner]

Romulan "windex" to cloak your windows, so powerful it should be illegal.

Do not Drink. Non-alcoholic. NOT An Ale despite the resemblance.

 

[T'Girl]

Janeway Finish Restorer

Not to be confused with the novel-verse's Janeway temporary death restorer.

 

[C.E. Evans]

Star Trek Raktajino Coffee
Made from the finest roasted beans on Boreth.

I wonder what Raktajino tastes like. Seriously.

I mean, it must be relatively palatable to humans, because we see a lot of them drink it...

There's probably nothing on Earth that's like it.

Accept no Earth-made substitutions.

 

[scotpens]

KirkWear Men's Shirts. Guaranteed to rip at the slightest touch!

I wonder what Raktajino tastes like. Seriously.

I mean, it must be relatively palatable to humans, because we see a lot of them drink it...

For humans, it's probably an acquired taste. Like wine or raw oysters. Or Vegemite.

 

[Melakon]

What was that product that was popular some years ago-- a type of coffee substitute made by harvesting partially digested beans excreted by a particular breed of cat. Probably tastes like that.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Janeway's Hair Salon. You too can have a Bun of Steel!