I guess there are worse flaws to have...
Pitch terrible ideas for episodes
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I guess there are worse flaws to have...
hellsgate
Commodore
"Star Trek: The Return"
Story by Jason K. Hauck
Based on "Star Trek" by Gene Roddenberry
Beta Quadrant, Romulan - Federation Neutral Zone.
Assignment: Peacekeeping Convoy
Two years after Kirk takes the center seat of the Legacy-Class Exeter (NCC 1706-C), he begins hearing the voices of The Borg again. Bereft at the loss of his sons & wife, he succumbs to the overtures. In doing so, alters the ship's heading on a strange course off the commercial lanes away from protecting the convoy. Commander Thomas Riker (Kirk's now-Executive Officer) returns Kirk to Starfleet Command, while risking Mutiny charges to forcibly take command of the U.S.S. Exeter.
Beta Quadrant
Aboard the U.S.S. Enterprise-E
Romulan - Federation Border
Admiral Katherine Janeway, while temporarily in command of the Enterprise-E, begins hearing the voices of The Collective as well. Annika, her Science Officer, begins hearing the subtle invitation of the Borg as well. She attempts the same course changes (unchallenged by her crew, taking a "wait-and-see-how-this-plays-out" strategy,) and heads straight for an anomaly that resembles the now-deceased Ambassador Spock's earlier scans of The V'Ger Cloud ---- headed straight into Federation Space.
Earth - Sector 001
While on Earth to answer for the loss of Commander Data & the decision to ram the Reman Schimitar, a newly-married Jean-Luc begins hearing the voices of the Collective. "Locutus..Locutus..."
U.S.S. Voyager
Gamma Quadrant - just outside the Idran Sector.
Captain Chakotay is informed of the loss of contact with the Enterprise-E and requested/required to pursue, capture or destroy Janeway (if necessary). Failing that, return to Earth & protect the Sol Sector at all costs.
U.S.S. Mandela
Alpha/Beta Quadrant Border, Cardassian "Andak Project".
Captain Morgan Bateson is asked to rendezvous with the U.S.S. Titan. To take aboard Captain Will Riker, as Will was the Enterprise's executive officer & intimately familiar with the Enterprise-E's classified vulnerabilities. They are to assist Voyager to apprehend Katherine Janeway, without destroying a valuable ship, if possible. In the meantime, Will has the opportunity to reunite with the Mandela's Chief Medical Officer Dr. Pulaski. And her beau -- Will father, Kyle.
U.S.S. Titan,
Standard Orbit of Romulus.
Deanna takes command of the Titan & required by Starfleet Command to hold her position until further notice. If notified of further instructions, to withdraw to Earth. The Legacy-Class Mandela rendezvouses with the Titan to take aboard Will Riker, to pursue & re-take control of the Enterprise-E.
Story by Jason K. Hauck
Based on "Star Trek" by Gene Roddenberry
Beta Quadrant, Romulan - Federation Neutral Zone.
Assignment: Peacekeeping Convoy
Two years after Kirk takes the center seat of the Legacy-Class Exeter (NCC 1706-C), he begins hearing the voices of The Borg again. Bereft at the loss of his sons & wife, he succumbs to the overtures. In doing so, alters the ship's heading on a strange course off the commercial lanes away from protecting the convoy. Commander Thomas Riker (Kirk's now-Executive Officer) returns Kirk to Starfleet Command, while risking Mutiny charges to forcibly take command of the U.S.S. Exeter.
Beta Quadrant
Aboard the U.S.S. Enterprise-E
Romulan - Federation Border
Admiral Katherine Janeway, while temporarily in command of the Enterprise-E, begins hearing the voices of The Collective as well. Annika, her Science Officer, begins hearing the subtle invitation of the Borg as well. She attempts the same course changes (unchallenged by her crew, taking a "wait-and-see-how-this-plays-out" strategy,) and heads straight for an anomaly that resembles the now-deceased Ambassador Spock's earlier scans of The V'Ger Cloud ---- headed straight into Federation Space.
Earth - Sector 001
While on Earth to answer for the loss of Commander Data & the decision to ram the Reman Schimitar, a newly-married Jean-Luc begins hearing the voices of the Collective. "Locutus..Locutus..."
U.S.S. Voyager
Gamma Quadrant - just outside the Idran Sector.
Captain Chakotay is informed of the loss of contact with the Enterprise-E and requested/required to pursue, capture or destroy Janeway (if necessary). Failing that, return to Earth & protect the Sol Sector at all costs.
U.S.S. Mandela
Alpha/Beta Quadrant Border, Cardassian "Andak Project".
Captain Morgan Bateson is asked to rendezvous with the U.S.S. Titan. To take aboard Captain Will Riker, as Will was the Enterprise's executive officer & intimately familiar with the Enterprise-E's classified vulnerabilities. They are to assist Voyager to apprehend Katherine Janeway, without destroying a valuable ship, if possible. In the meantime, Will has the opportunity to reunite with the Mandela's Chief Medical Officer Dr. Pulaski. And her beau -- Will father, Kyle.
U.S.S. Titan,
Standard Orbit of Romulus.
Deanna takes command of the Titan & required by Starfleet Command to hold her position until further notice. If notified of further instructions, to withdraw to Earth. The Legacy-Class Mandela rendezvouses with the Titan to take aboard Will Riker, to pursue & re-take control of the Enterprise-E.
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Tuvok's Balls (VOY)
While on an away mission, Tuvok has his testicles stolen by Vidiian organ harvesters. Paris says that the Vulcan never uses them anyway, but Tuvok replies that he is going through the early stages of pon farr, so if his balls aren't recovered in 24 hours they will explode from Massive Sperm Buildup, saturating the entire Vidiian planet in cum. Voyager pursues the Vidiian vessel only to find it is a massively-armed battlecruiser, and their Tactical Officer is now a craven coward due to his lack of balls. Neelix confides to Tuvok that he too lacks balls, which explains why he became a draft-dodger who only hits on three year-old girls. Rallied by this inspiring confidence, Tuvok comes up with a new method of lurching/console detonation (which he dubs Attack Pattern Beta Alpha Lima Lima Sierra) that destroys the Vidiians' weapons array, forcing their surrender. The Doctor manages to surgically reattach the balls, but unfortunately Seven enters sickbay in her spray-on catsuit and the resulting ejaculation takes out three whole decks. It takes seven days of frantic activity by the entire crew to replicate new decks and clean the cum out of the EPS relays, but no-one mentions the incident ever again (for once, this is entirely understandable).
Let's not forget the scene where Odo faces a humiliating fate -- being forced to morph into a laser beam which is then run up the inside of a lecherous Scotsman's leg, or the bit where he battles unstoppable henchman Headjob (Odo defeats him by morphing into a spinning razor-sharp bowler hat), and encounters Latinumfinger's lesbian shuttle pilot from the Evil Mirror Universe (there not being any gay people in the normal universe) and converts her to hetrosexuality by shapeshifting an enormous tongue-shaped 'organ'.
From Romulus With Love (DS9)
Sloan informs Bashir that a hot Romulan doctor suffering from holodeck addiction has fallen in love with his medical simulation, and sends Bashir to Romulus to convince her to defect with a download of the latest Romulan medical software. Unknown to Bashir the whole thing is a conspiracy by the Orion Syndicate, led by a Persian cat genetically-engineered for superior intelligence by the same lab that modified Bashir. It turns out the girl is actually a hologram; the Orion Sydicate plans to sell the software back to the Romulans while discrediting Bashir by making it look as if he suffers from holodeck addiction. Fortunately Bashir is able to defeat both the Orion assassin and a butch Romulan double-agent codenamed 'Dancer Man' who has a lethal high kick. The episode ends with Bashir and O'Brien creating a holodeck world where the Romulan hologram and the Bashir hologram can live happily ever after.
While on an away mission, Tuvok has his testicles stolen by Vidiian organ harvesters. Paris says that the Vulcan never uses them anyway, but Tuvok replies that he is going through the early stages of pon farr, so if his balls aren't recovered in 24 hours they will explode from Massive Sperm Buildup, saturating the entire Vidiian planet in cum. Voyager pursues the Vidiian vessel only to find it is a massively-armed battlecruiser, and their Tactical Officer is now a craven coward due to his lack of balls. Neelix confides to Tuvok that he too lacks balls, which explains why he became a draft-dodger who only hits on three year-old girls. Rallied by this inspiring confidence, Tuvok comes up with a new method of lurching/console detonation (which he dubs Attack Pattern Beta Alpha Lima Lima Sierra) that destroys the Vidiians' weapons array, forcing their surrender. The Doctor manages to surgically reattach the balls, but unfortunately Seven enters sickbay in her spray-on catsuit and the resulting ejaculation takes out three whole decks. It takes seven days of frantic activity by the entire crew to replicate new decks and clean the cum out of the EPS relays, but no-one mentions the incident ever again (for once, this is entirely understandable).
Let's not forget the scene where Odo faces a humiliating fate -- being forced to morph into a laser beam which is then run up the inside of a lecherous Scotsman's leg, or the bit where he battles unstoppable henchman Headjob (Odo defeats him by morphing into a spinning razor-sharp bowler hat), and encounters Latinumfinger's lesbian shuttle pilot from the Evil Mirror Universe (there not being any gay people in the normal universe) and converts her to hetrosexuality by shapeshifting an enormous tongue-shaped 'organ'.
From Romulus With Love (DS9)
Sloan informs Bashir that a hot Romulan doctor suffering from holodeck addiction has fallen in love with his medical simulation, and sends Bashir to Romulus to convince her to defect with a download of the latest Romulan medical software. Unknown to Bashir the whole thing is a conspiracy by the Orion Syndicate, led by a Persian cat genetically-engineered for superior intelligence by the same lab that modified Bashir. It turns out the girl is actually a hologram; the Orion Sydicate plans to sell the software back to the Romulans while discrediting Bashir by making it look as if he suffers from holodeck addiction. Fortunately Bashir is able to defeat both the Orion assassin and a butch Romulan double-agent codenamed 'Dancer Man' who has a lethal high kick. The episode ends with Bashir and O'Brien creating a holodeck world where the Romulan hologram and the Bashir hologram can live happily ever after.
"Captain Merrill Zuback (Ian Holm) an old friend of Picard's and required reading at the academy, has taken the starship Gloria Steinem and is destroying Romulan bases along the neutral zone. Picard MUST stop him, but there's only one catch---Wesley Crusher is Zuback's first officer! Picard has to make the toughest choice of his life. His life!"
The Curious Case of Bolian Buttons (TNG) - A mysterious disease is affecting all Bolians causing their blue skin to split down the middle revealing a bright pink sub dermal layer. Doctor Crusher must find the cure that will keep the Bolians buttoned up, but a certain Bolian faction refuses saying, "Who wants to be blue forever?"
Wesley Crusher's Day Off
Wesley decides to spend the day off, without Picard and his mother knowing about it, by doing all kinds of crazy things around the ship such as taking the shuttlecraft out for a spin around the port nacelle, watching porn in the holodeck and dancing in Ten Forward.
Wesley decides to spend the day off, without Picard and his mother knowing about it, by doing all kinds of crazy things around the ship such as taking the shuttlecraft out for a spin around the port nacelle, watching porn in the holodeck and dancing in Ten Forward.
That actually sounds pretty good.
Well it would be if just about every action-adventure TV show hadn't already ripped off ''The Most Dangerous Game''.
"Star Trek XII: Oh The Tellaranity" - Tellar is threatened by a hyper-evolved, hyper-powerful force that makes the Whale Probe and V'ger look like little worms. Nobody cares that Tellar is in danger because it's not Earth.
LMAO!
This is nothing by comparison, but here goes:
"Who am I?" VGR
The entire crew are knocked unconscious and wake up in another crew members body. Hilarity ensues.
"Who's Your Daddy?"
A child comes on the ship claiming to be Tasha Yar's kid. However, the kid doesn't know who his father is, but has it narrowed down to Dada, Worf, and Riker. In the end, just as it is about to be revealed, Data wakes up and learns the entire episode was just a dream...one that Riker created as a pratical joke on Data.
A child comes on the ship claiming to be Tasha Yar's kid. However, the kid doesn't know who his father is, but has it narrowed down to Dada, Worf, and Riker. In the end, just as it is about to be revealed, Data wakes up and learns the entire episode was just a dream...one that Riker created as a pratical joke on Data.
hellsgate
Commodore
"Star Trek: Mandela"
"We'll Always Have The Holosuite"
Three days after launching the Legacy-Class U.S.S. Mandela, the U.S.S. Titan's about to part ways with the Mandela on the edge of Federation space, as the Titan performs final coordinated (long range) sensor sweeps to assure Starfleet Command, Morgan Bateson & his crew that they're going to be absolutely safe on their outward-bound arc of their first mission.
Will beams aboard the Mandela for a spontaneous courtesy call and lunch with his father. Only to saunter down the corridor to encounter (while quite emotionally & physically unprepared,) to see his dad Kyle walking out of Chief Medical Officer Katherine Pulaski's quarters. The Elder Riker leaves the Doctor's quarters (located conveniently across the hall from Kyle's guest quarters,) with an obvious post-Booty Call swagger in his step as she cups/caresses him quite intimately before slinking back inside (without noticing the younger Riker approaching.)
"We'll Always Have The Holosuite"
Three days after launching the Legacy-Class U.S.S. Mandela, the U.S.S. Titan's about to part ways with the Mandela on the edge of Federation space, as the Titan performs final coordinated (long range) sensor sweeps to assure Starfleet Command, Morgan Bateson & his crew that they're going to be absolutely safe on their outward-bound arc of their first mission.
Will beams aboard the Mandela for a spontaneous courtesy call and lunch with his father. Only to saunter down the corridor to encounter (while quite emotionally & physically unprepared,) to see his dad Kyle walking out of Chief Medical Officer Katherine Pulaski's quarters. The Elder Riker leaves the Doctor's quarters (located conveniently across the hall from Kyle's guest quarters,) with an obvious post-Booty Call swagger in his step as she cups/caresses him quite intimately before slinking back inside (without noticing the younger Riker approaching.)
I have thoroughly enjoyed reading everyones terrible ideas!
TNG :"The Naked Realm" The enterprise enters a realm where all clothing material appears invisible, and the enterprise, overwhelmed with embarrassment when seeing eachother naked, spend the episode trying to get out of the realm, where they appear to be stuck. Some of the crew cleverly craft metal suits, but they are a bit uncomfortable.
TNG :"The Naked Realm" The enterprise enters a realm where all clothing material appears invisible, and the enterprise, overwhelmed with embarrassment when seeing eachother naked, spend the episode trying to get out of the realm, where they appear to be stuck. Some of the crew cleverly craft metal suits, but they are a bit uncomfortable.
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"Live by the phaser"
The Enterprise time-travels back to medieval England and the crew are subsequently burnt at the stake for witchcraft.
The Enterprise time-travels back to medieval England and the crew are subsequently burnt at the stake for witchcraft.
"The Referee's A PetaQ" (TNG)
Worf decides to use the Holodeck to improve his fitness through association football, in the process making amends over his childhood trauma during a soccer match with humans. However, when a group of Nausicaan pirates takes over the Enterprise with Worf still on the Holodeck, he must use his new-found soccer skills and a specially-replicated spiked Klingon ball to thwart the pirates and regain control of the ship.
"Arabesque, Parts 1 & 2" (VOY)
The Doctor continues his exploration of humanity by taking up holodeck ballet lessons. That's all that happens. For a whole two hours.
"Q-riouser and Q-riouser" (TNG)
Q appears and plays a trick on the Enterprise crew by trapping them in a fantasy world based entirely on the insane musings of Picard's lionfish. Notable for a scene where Troi grapples with the lionfish's sexuality complex... literally.
"Tribbles Ain't Nothin' But 'Hos And Tricks" (VOY)
The Tribbles have made their way into the Delta Quadrant, this time as prisoners on a renegade alien colony that has adopted Earth gangsta rap as a culture, and Janeway must negotiate for their release by taking part in a human beatbox contest. Guest starring Coolio and Chuck D.
"What Would Zefram Cochrane Do?" (TNG)
Geordi is a contestant on a holodeck quiz show designed by Riker as part of a birthday present, which turns nasty when the Bynars return and reprogram the quiz into a knowledge-gathering program in order to extract engineering secrets from his mind and build their very own warp-capable weapon of mass desruction. Or something.
"Get Your Ass To Qo'noS" (DS9)
Ezri Dax is suddenly possessed by the spirit of Curzon and is compelled to return to the Klingon Empire's homeworld, as she suddenly remembered that Curzon had left the gas cooker on in his old ambassadorial home.
"If You Buy This Record Your Children Will Be Next" (TOS)
While off duty, Uhura sings a new composition of her own, which is accidentally broadcast throughout the ship and beamed over a hailing frequency, where it is picked up by an alien listening post. Flash forward several weeks later, when an armada of screaming alien fans is in pursuit of the Enterprise, all wanting to get Uhura's autograph and sign her up for a record deal.
"(I'm Gonna Be) 500 Miles" (DS9)
A mysterious artefact from the Gamma Quadrant clones Chief O'Brien 500 times. With hilarious consequences.
Worf decides to use the Holodeck to improve his fitness through association football, in the process making amends over his childhood trauma during a soccer match with humans. However, when a group of Nausicaan pirates takes over the Enterprise with Worf still on the Holodeck, he must use his new-found soccer skills and a specially-replicated spiked Klingon ball to thwart the pirates and regain control of the ship.
"Arabesque, Parts 1 & 2" (VOY)
The Doctor continues his exploration of humanity by taking up holodeck ballet lessons. That's all that happens. For a whole two hours.
"Q-riouser and Q-riouser" (TNG)
Q appears and plays a trick on the Enterprise crew by trapping them in a fantasy world based entirely on the insane musings of Picard's lionfish. Notable for a scene where Troi grapples with the lionfish's sexuality complex... literally.
"Tribbles Ain't Nothin' But 'Hos And Tricks" (VOY)
The Tribbles have made their way into the Delta Quadrant, this time as prisoners on a renegade alien colony that has adopted Earth gangsta rap as a culture, and Janeway must negotiate for their release by taking part in a human beatbox contest. Guest starring Coolio and Chuck D.
"What Would Zefram Cochrane Do?" (TNG)
Geordi is a contestant on a holodeck quiz show designed by Riker as part of a birthday present, which turns nasty when the Bynars return and reprogram the quiz into a knowledge-gathering program in order to extract engineering secrets from his mind and build their very own warp-capable weapon of mass desruction. Or something.
"Get Your Ass To Qo'noS" (DS9)
Ezri Dax is suddenly possessed by the spirit of Curzon and is compelled to return to the Klingon Empire's homeworld, as she suddenly remembered that Curzon had left the gas cooker on in his old ambassadorial home.
"If You Buy This Record Your Children Will Be Next" (TOS)
While off duty, Uhura sings a new composition of her own, which is accidentally broadcast throughout the ship and beamed over a hailing frequency, where it is picked up by an alien listening post. Flash forward several weeks later, when an armada of screaming alien fans is in pursuit of the Enterprise, all wanting to get Uhura's autograph and sign her up for a record deal.
"(I'm Gonna Be) 500 Miles" (DS9)
A mysterious artefact from the Gamma Quadrant clones Chief O'Brien 500 times. With hilarious consequences.