Pitch terrible ideas for episodes
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"Continuity XXX" (Any series)
There's no story whatsoever to be seen anywhere in this ep, it only consists of our heros sitting around making references to past episodes, tying up loose ends, explaining inconsistencies and so on. Just think, we could've found out why the f*ck they didn't use the shuttle in "The Enemy Within", why Lt. Leslie was all over the place, etc.
Best. Trek. Episode... Ever.
Robert
There's no story whatsoever to be seen anywhere in this ep, it only consists of our heros sitting around making references to past episodes, tying up loose ends, explaining inconsistencies and so on. Just think, we could've found out why the f*ck they didn't use the shuttle in "The Enemy Within", why Lt. Leslie was all over the place, etc.
Best. Trek. Episode... Ever.
Robert
MeanJoePhaser
Admiral
"FAT BOTTOM GORNS" (DS9)
A trio of obese reptillian ambassadors are visiting the station for talks of an alliance with the Federation, and Captain Sisko puts Quark, Rom and Nog in charge of entertaining them.
"FIRST PRIMATE" (TNG)
A transporter accident turns Riker into a talking chimp.
"QE2" (Enterprise)
The Enterprise from an alternate timeline returns, thanks to the aide of a mischeivious entity.
A trio of obese reptillian ambassadors are visiting the station for talks of an alliance with the Federation, and Captain Sisko puts Quark, Rom and Nog in charge of entertaining them.
"FIRST PRIMATE" (TNG)
A transporter accident turns Riker into a talking chimp.
"QE2" (Enterprise)
The Enterprise from an alternate timeline returns, thanks to the aide of a mischeivious entity.
I am laughing so hard... some of these are so bad that they are good.. in a bad way... LOL!
OK here goes:
Here We Go Again (VOY)
Voyager encounters an unknown anomaly, and even though it looks dangerous, Janeway decides to investigate, even though Chakotay throws her up against a wall and yells 'AGAIN? CANT WE JUST BLOODY WELL KEEP HEADING HOME LADY?". Of course, the anomaly turns out to be some angry sort of lifeform which drags the ship into its subspace web of poison gases blah blah blah. The crew mutiny on Janeway informing her that they are sick and tired of her needing to invesitgate every blip on the sensor and since she got them into this mess, she can get them out of it. They all retire to Holodeck to get drunk. Janeway stands alone on the bridge, putting her hands on her hips, then stroking her chin, then sitting down, the repeating it all again. She discovers that the Lifeform is capable of talking, and finds out that the lifeform wants her to revert back to her old Season 1 hairstyle. Once Katherine fixes her hair with a gallon of replicated hairspray, the lifeform lets them go and shoots them forward in their journey, saving them about ooh... 6 days. Tuvok looks unemotional, Harry is estatic to have saved 6 days off their journey, Paris makes a quip about how the lifeform 'was a nice enough guy', B'Elanna stares angrily into the Warpcore, and Seven raises her eyebrow at the precise moment the credits roll.
OK here goes:
Here We Go Again (VOY)
Voyager encounters an unknown anomaly, and even though it looks dangerous, Janeway decides to investigate, even though Chakotay throws her up against a wall and yells 'AGAIN? CANT WE JUST BLOODY WELL KEEP HEADING HOME LADY?". Of course, the anomaly turns out to be some angry sort of lifeform which drags the ship into its subspace web of poison gases blah blah blah. The crew mutiny on Janeway informing her that they are sick and tired of her needing to invesitgate every blip on the sensor and since she got them into this mess, she can get them out of it. They all retire to Holodeck to get drunk. Janeway stands alone on the bridge, putting her hands on her hips, then stroking her chin, then sitting down, the repeating it all again. She discovers that the Lifeform is capable of talking, and finds out that the lifeform wants her to revert back to her old Season 1 hairstyle. Once Katherine fixes her hair with a gallon of replicated hairspray, the lifeform lets them go and shoots them forward in their journey, saving them about ooh... 6 days. Tuvok looks unemotional, Harry is estatic to have saved 6 days off their journey, Paris makes a quip about how the lifeform 'was a nice enough guy', B'Elanna stares angrily into the Warpcore, and Seven raises her eyebrow at the precise moment the credits roll.
Dusty Ayres
Commodore
There's nothing wrong with this episode at all, and it doesn't fit the mission of this thread, either! In fact, it could be a regular episode of the series as well. It's just a flashback episode, and those aren't bad.
"Taxalative" - VOY
Voyager has a near miss with a quantum singularity, leading Seven of Nine to rape Harry Kim. Harry cannot determine if he is violated or delighted.
Neelix creates a new kind of Talaxian souffle that acts as a mega laxative, no one on Voyager can properly digest food.
Seven and Harry must put aside their personal feelings to solve the digestive crisis, as The Doctor is preoccupied with replicating adult diapers.
I can't decide which is the A plot or the B plot.
Voyager has a near miss with a quantum singularity, leading Seven of Nine to rape Harry Kim. Harry cannot determine if he is violated or delighted.
Neelix creates a new kind of Talaxian souffle that acts as a mega laxative, no one on Voyager can properly digest food.
Seven and Harry must put aside their personal feelings to solve the digestive crisis, as The Doctor is preoccupied with replicating adult diapers.
I can't decide which is the A plot or the B plot.
There's nothing wrong with having two A plots. A couple of complications, maybe a brownshirt casualty, and you could have yourself a pretty good mini-arc...
"Daybreak" [VOY]
Chakotay is having a vision quest at the helm of a shuttle while returning to Voyager and crashes into the shuttlebay destroying all 47 shuttles and killing 4 never-before-seen important everybody-loved-them crewmen.
Janeway decides to court martial Chakotay in a makeshift trial. Chakotay manages to talk Harry into breaking him out of the brig, and kidnaps Seven. Using a cunning combination of a nearby gravity well, Seven's plentiful Borg nanoprobes and a conveniently nearby derelict Tactical Cube, he opens a temporal vortex into the past to stop himself from ending up in this situation.
He wakes up on the morning of the crash time and time again trying to prevent the crash, but each successive attempt results in some bad consequence, usually Harry's death. Eventually a protocystian photonic lifeform from an intersecting dimension at the flux matrix of the gravity well contacts Chakotay and resets the timeline. Chakotay wakes from his vision quest and safely lands the shuttle. The gravity well somehow propels Voyager 8,000 light years closer to home.
Chakotay is having a vision quest at the helm of a shuttle while returning to Voyager and crashes into the shuttlebay destroying all 47 shuttles and killing 4 never-before-seen important everybody-loved-them crewmen.
Janeway decides to court martial Chakotay in a makeshift trial. Chakotay manages to talk Harry into breaking him out of the brig, and kidnaps Seven. Using a cunning combination of a nearby gravity well, Seven's plentiful Borg nanoprobes and a conveniently nearby derelict Tactical Cube, he opens a temporal vortex into the past to stop himself from ending up in this situation.
He wakes up on the morning of the crash time and time again trying to prevent the crash, but each successive attempt results in some bad consequence, usually Harry's death. Eventually a protocystian photonic lifeform from an intersecting dimension at the flux matrix of the gravity well contacts Chakotay and resets the timeline. Chakotay wakes from his vision quest and safely lands the shuttle. The gravity well somehow propels Voyager 8,000 light years closer to home.
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"The Reality Syndrome" (TNG)
This ep could apply to any series but I'll pick on TNG.
Through an accidental time-warp, a Star Trek fan from early 21st century is transported to the 24th century Enterprise D. This fan is thrilled to death that the imaginary Trek universe has become reality. But the problem is that reality is not the same as the idealized universe we see onscreen where for instance scriptwriters make it so every line spoken is interesting or cool. In reality the Enterprise crew dialog is pretty dull, inane and about as interesting as listening to the noises your refrigerator makes.
Worse of all, the main cast heroes are just as dull. Picard doesn't even say "Engage!"; he just says in a monotone "warp 9" and the helmsman just does it with no further comment. The Star Trek fan settles on the bridge waiting for something to happen. But they're not orbiting a planet; they're on their way to some destination and it'll take a week to get there. After four hours of just staring at stars on the viewscreen, the fan is so bored she's ready to scream. (It doesn't matter but I'll make the fan female.)
She goes down to ten forward but again, Guinan isn't very interesting. She just gives the fan the drink and moves on without comment. Worf doesn't know what the hell the fan is talking about when she prattles on and on about 'honor'. The by-this-tme very unhappy Star Trek fan goes to Troi to talk about her problems. Troi says "It's reality. Deal with it. I'm busy." and kicks the fan out of her office.
And to top it off, the real ship, well... kinda stinks. So the Star Trek fan asks if they can transport her back to her own time. The happy ending is when we see her settling down on the couch with remote and huge bowl of popcorn, ready to enjoy a Star Trek DVD marathon.
Robert
This ep could apply to any series but I'll pick on TNG.
Through an accidental time-warp, a Star Trek fan from early 21st century is transported to the 24th century Enterprise D. This fan is thrilled to death that the imaginary Trek universe has become reality. But the problem is that reality is not the same as the idealized universe we see onscreen where for instance scriptwriters make it so every line spoken is interesting or cool. In reality the Enterprise crew dialog is pretty dull, inane and about as interesting as listening to the noises your refrigerator makes.
Worse of all, the main cast heroes are just as dull. Picard doesn't even say "Engage!"; he just says in a monotone "warp 9" and the helmsman just does it with no further comment. The Star Trek fan settles on the bridge waiting for something to happen. But they're not orbiting a planet; they're on their way to some destination and it'll take a week to get there. After four hours of just staring at stars on the viewscreen, the fan is so bored she's ready to scream. (It doesn't matter but I'll make the fan female.)
She goes down to ten forward but again, Guinan isn't very interesting. She just gives the fan the drink and moves on without comment. Worf doesn't know what the hell the fan is talking about when she prattles on and on about 'honor'. The by-this-tme very unhappy Star Trek fan goes to Troi to talk about her problems. Troi says "It's reality. Deal with it. I'm busy." and kicks the fan out of her office.
And to top it off, the real ship, well... kinda stinks. So the Star Trek fan asks if they can transport her back to her own time. The happy ending is when we see her settling down on the couch with remote and huge bowl of popcorn, ready to enjoy a Star Trek DVD marathon.
Robert
MeanJoePhaser
Admiral
"SEVEN, LUCKY SEVEN" (VOY)
Seven of Nine learns to gamble with some help from Vic Fontaine (James Darren), and discovers it to be an addiction.
"FUTURE TENTS" (VOY)
The crew finds an abandoned alien campsite that allows them glimpses into tomorrow.
"SWAP" (VOY)
A transporter accident places Janeway's head on Seven's body and Seven's head on Janeway's body. The captain notices that none of the male crewmen actually look at her eyes when she's talking to them.
"BE WED OR BE DEAD" (VOY)
A powerful and morally rigid alien race won't allow Voyager to continue its mission unless the entire crew gets married.
"THE BROOD" (VOY)
Mysterious amphibian creatures claim to be the offspring of Janeway and Paris, but are they after more than maternity and paternity tests?
Seven of Nine learns to gamble with some help from Vic Fontaine (James Darren), and discovers it to be an addiction.
"FUTURE TENTS" (VOY)
The crew finds an abandoned alien campsite that allows them glimpses into tomorrow.
"SWAP" (VOY)
A transporter accident places Janeway's head on Seven's body and Seven's head on Janeway's body. The captain notices that none of the male crewmen actually look at her eyes when she's talking to them.
"BE WED OR BE DEAD" (VOY)
A powerful and morally rigid alien race won't allow Voyager to continue its mission unless the entire crew gets married.
"THE BROOD" (VOY)
Mysterious amphibian creatures claim to be the offspring of Janeway and Paris, but are they after more than maternity and paternity tests?
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"Water In The Closet" (DS9)
With the Jem'hadar bearing down on the station, DS9 is brought to full combat readiness. Meanwhile, Worf, dealing with a crippling bladder control issue must remain at his post at all costs. Will he be able to leave for the bathroom, or will this be the red alert that never ends?
"The Haunting of Deck 29" (TNG)
While cleaning out the bathrooms on deck 29 on the Enterprise-E, Data and Geordi realise there is no deck 29 and suffer total catastrophic existence failure.
With the Jem'hadar bearing down on the station, DS9 is brought to full combat readiness. Meanwhile, Worf, dealing with a crippling bladder control issue must remain at his post at all costs. Will he be able to leave for the bathroom, or will this be the red alert that never ends?
"The Haunting of Deck 29" (TNG)
While cleaning out the bathrooms on deck 29 on the Enterprise-E, Data and Geordi realise there is no deck 29 and suffer total catastrophic existence failure.
"Responsibility" (TNG)
Starfleet stages a coup and takes over the Federation. Several surviving members of the Federation Council arrive on the Enterprise, only to demand that Picard "answer for what he did". It turns out that the aliens from "Conspiracy" had infiltrated Starfleet under the Council's orders in order to prevent the coup.
Starfleet stages a coup and takes over the Federation. Several surviving members of the Federation Council arrive on the Enterprise, only to demand that Picard "answer for what he did". It turns out that the aliens from "Conspiracy" had infiltrated Starfleet under the Council's orders in order to prevent the coup.
"The Canon" (TOS)
The Enterprise is attacked by a Klingon battlecruiser. She is subdued and boarded... by an angry group of Star Trek fanatic androids, who sentence Scotty to the death for referring to lithium crystals instead of dilithium. Can Kirk beat them at their own game? Or will the crew be decanonized into oblivion. (Obviously in the end, Kirk manages to pull off a logic loop or somethign and make the androids' heads explode or somethin)
The Enterprise is attacked by a Klingon battlecruiser. She is subdued and boarded... by an angry group of Star Trek fanatic androids, who sentence Scotty to the death for referring to lithium crystals instead of dilithium. Can Kirk beat them at their own game? Or will the crew be decanonized into oblivion. (Obviously in the end, Kirk manages to pull off a logic loop or somethign and make the androids' heads explode or somethin)
Though if the fan were male, I think it would have a happier ending as they would lock themselves into the holodeck and use it for the purpose that everybody knows about but doesn't talk about:
"Computer: Deanna Troi, Tasha Yar, Beverly Crusher, Ezri Dax, Jadzia Dax, Leeta, Nyota Uhura, Helen Noel, Saavik (both versions), Hoshi Sato, T'Pol, Seven of Nine, Belanna Torres....and the biggest damn tub of Jell-O you can make."
take out Tasha, add Kes, Kamala and BG Robinson and we're good to go!
I like that one. Love the scene where the fan is waiting for Picard's "engage" and is left hanging.
Ok what have I got.
"Because Space is Alive" (TNG)
A light opera/musical theater day in the life of the Enterprise-D, complete with Q and Borg encounters.
(Actually I suspect the cast would have taken this up with gusto which is why I picked TNG)
The Fanboy Paradox - Kirk and crew discover a dying civilization whose bizarre religion makes them unable to reproduce.
Well, in the case the Star Trek fan is male, he makes a beeline for the nearest holodeck only to find they're only programmed for G-rated programs...
Man, I sura know how to kill THAT happy ending.
Robert
"Attack of the Temporal Terrors"
ENT
A Federation time fleet from the year 3099 travels to the 22nd century to protect Archer and his crew from the forces of a Susu, a race of time travellers from the 28th century who have journeyed back in time to destroy Enterprise in order to prevent the formation of the Federation. The Federation Time Fleet is destroyed but Daniels manages to beam Enterprise to the 24th century before his ship is destroyed, where the crew learn all about the Federation of 200 years into the future and take this knowledge back with them, enabling them to develop far greater technology. Armed with this new technology, they travel back to the 22nd century, tear a hole in the fabric of our dimension to make contact with Species 8479, and avail of Species 8479's assistance in defeating the evil Susu from the 28th century. Unfortunately, Species 8479 now wants to conquer our dimension and the rest of Season 5 focusses on the Trans-Dimensional War Saga.
ENT
A Federation time fleet from the year 3099 travels to the 22nd century to protect Archer and his crew from the forces of a Susu, a race of time travellers from the 28th century who have journeyed back in time to destroy Enterprise in order to prevent the formation of the Federation. The Federation Time Fleet is destroyed but Daniels manages to beam Enterprise to the 24th century before his ship is destroyed, where the crew learn all about the Federation of 200 years into the future and take this knowledge back with them, enabling them to develop far greater technology. Armed with this new technology, they travel back to the 22nd century, tear a hole in the fabric of our dimension to make contact with Species 8479, and avail of Species 8479's assistance in defeating the evil Susu from the 28th century. Unfortunately, Species 8479 now wants to conquer our dimension and the rest of Season 5 focusses on the Trans-Dimensional War Saga.