Yep, in the past people were so much more polite... unless you were a minority, or a woman, or gay, or a hippie, or did something which might remotely make some paranoid people think you were a communist.
Old Fashioned Good Manners
- Thread starter Jan
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Yep, in the past people were so much more polite... unless you were a minority, or a woman, or gay, or a hippie, or did something which might remotely make some paranoid people think you were a communist.
Unfortunately, the word "madam" has taken on a certain connotation in English, if you get my drift.
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I much prefer "you're welcome." "My pleasure" sounds obsequious.
LOL!
Who was the standup comic who said a woman shouldn't be addressed as "ma'am" until she's had her first mammogram?
That does seem a bit odd. For some reason it reminds me of that Monty Python routine: "May I call you Edward? . . . "May I call you Eddie-baby?" . . . "May I call you Pussycat?". . . The customer service person at the other end of the line asked me if she could address me by my first name. Let's call it Geraldine. I said that I didn't like to be called by that name. "Call me Gerry," I said. She said that she wouldn't but she would call me "Geraldine". I replied that she could do that if she wanted, but she'd really piss me off. I was more surprised than anything. Why should she insist on calling me by a name that I had asked her not to?
I think it's presumptuous and bad form to call someone who isn't a friend or relative by their first name unless invited to do so. And children should be taught always to address adults as Mr., Mrs., Miss or Ms. So-and-So -- unless the adult is a camp counselor or a clown.
I'm very well mannered (so I'm told), but, as usual, I both agree and disagree with Heinlein. Manners, in his definition, often amount to nothing more than insincere posturing. The thing that counts is sincerity. A "no problem, buddy," can frequently be a much better-mannered reply than a "you're welcome, sir." I tend to treat people with a sort of retro civility-- sort of a cross between Jeeves and Kwai Chang Caine-- but with a touch of rakish informality. And if anybody ever calls me "Mister Hutchins," they get corrected immediately. 
I'm guilty of substituting 'no problem' for 'you're welcome' in service situations, but I find rigid 'manners' uncomfortable at best and stumble over the niceties more often than not. It's easier on me and you if I go with what flows.
And as a service worker, it pisses me off when I'm addressed by my name before my correct title. Yes, my name is on my shirt. Yes, you could in theory use that as an opportunity to complain to management if you don't like my service, but honestly? I don't give a fuck. I'm going to provide you the same service whether you point out that you know my name or not. My level of niceness depends on only one thing, your level of niceness.
Calling me 'Miss' is an excellent start on that front.
And as a service worker, it pisses me off when I'm addressed by my name before my correct title. Yes, my name is on my shirt. Yes, you could in theory use that as an opportunity to complain to management if you don't like my service, but honestly? I don't give a fuck. I'm going to provide you the same service whether you point out that you know my name or not. My level of niceness depends on only one thing, your level of niceness.
Calling me 'Miss' is an excellent start on that front.
I've realised (after a brief analysis of my own politeness levels, reading this thread) that I say "you're welcome" when I don't care either way if someone thanks me. I say "my pleasure" when it genuinely has been. For me, when I say "you're welcome" I'm often being insincere.
I've realised (after a brief analysis of my own politeness levels, reading this thread) that I say "you're welcome" when I don't care either way if someone thanks me. I say "my pleasure" when it genuinely has been. For me, when I say "you're welcome" I'm often being insincere.
I've actually thought about it too and realized that my typical response to "Thank you" is "Yep."
^ Mine too, really. I say things like "Yep" or "Cool!" or "Later".
Guess I'd make a decent Tellarite.
Guess I'd make a decent Tellarite.
I would actually find that cute!
Working in the service industry, cafe/bar ~ I'd rather that than 'cheers love', 'thanks sweetheart' Yuck, both get my back up. I did get a 'thank you sweetpea' the other day, but it was said in a cockney accent and accompanied by a wink ~ it made me smile
I work in a golf club so it's pretty much older people. So it's usually 'sir', 'gents', 'chaps', 'ladies' for me ~ haven't actually got around to Madam yet
I did get my first 'I do beg your pardon' today by an old chap I had a 'door wrestle' with, I was so astounded I think I managed to stumble out an 'I'm sorry'.
What I really want to do is deliver a confident 'How do you do?' or 'How nice to meet you' when introduced to someone, but I usually end up with just a 'Hi'.
In this part of Texas, it is entirely normal to address people as "Ma'am" or "Sir"--- at least to anyone over thirty. But the younger generation don't even seem to understand "Thank you" or even making eye contact. That really bothers me. Going to the grocery store is a good example as hubby and I now make it a game to see if we can get the clerk to a) smile b)make eye contact and c) say "Thanks for coming," "Have a nice day" or---well, ANYTHING--other than "Sign here."
I worked retail for YEARS, and a few of those were in management, so I know the HELL that is customer service. I don't expect much. Just look up, make eye contact, smile and say something. But, most of the time, I can't even get that.
I worked retail for YEARS, and a few of those were in management, so I know the HELL that is customer service. I don't expect much. Just look up, make eye contact, smile and say something. But, most of the time, I can't even get that.
Heh! It's funny, because people think I hate younger folks when I chastise them for not using manners, yet the younger cashiers love it when I interact with them. A simple "Hello" makes their day, and you know what they hate? CUSTOMERS WHO CAN'T PRY THAT DAMNED CELL PHONE OUT OF THEIR EAR!!!!
One young cashier at Target thanked me for acknowledging her existence by actually talking to her. It seems a majority of customers yap on their phones, swipe the debit card, and then abruptly leave, as was exhibited by the person ahead of me in line.
You're so right, unfortunately! We went to a pub recently and were served by a happy, smiling barmaid. We spent the rest of the drink discussing how unusual that is.
Yeah, she probably went out back and moaned but she did a bloody good front of house
That's terrible. I always make a habit of smiling at anyone I meet, engaging them in friendly converstion (in fact, they usually start engaging me. There's something about me in person that seems to make people feel welcome
), and the like. In fact, I know most of the shopkeepers and cashiers in several of the towns I frequent. I always make a point of happily acknowledging them, and they seem to respond well.
That reminds me of my last doctor's visit. I was sitting in the waiting room, getting the "pre-exam" stuff done---the nurse checking blood pressure, etc.---and I look up and see this bright little sign on the wall: Please turn off your cell phone during your exam.
I look at the nurse, stunned, and ask, "Is that really a problem?"
She held her head in dismay and said, "You have no idea." Apparently, there were patients who wouldn't even stop talking on their phone while getting physically examined by the doctor. I can even IMAGINE the amount of self-involvement that requires.
No, they're not. They're the lazy things to do these days.
I thought "no problem" is substituted for "You're welcome", not "thank you."
It's been my experience that most young people I've encountered don't know how to use either "you're welcome" or "thank you."
Or "please", for that matter...
Some women wish this, as well. It's frustrating not to know just which form of address to use.
I feel the same way. It was drilled into me very thoroughly when I was a child that children never call an adult by their first name. Ever. So even when my dad's girlfriend wanted me to call her by her first name, I could never make myself do so. Interestingly, she felt insulted by this - by the fact that in two years I managed to never call her anything.scotpens said:
Since I didn't like her, that worked out fine.
And I do find it incredibly rude when people like City workers and cops address me by my first name but expect me to address them by their titles. They give the excuse that they don't know my married status - cow pies, since they address men in this disrespectful manner, too. One particular nasty encounter had me telling the City worker to address my father properly. The worker asked if he had the wrong name - "Isn't his name "Ed"? What should I use - Ted?"
"His name is Mr. ______," I answered.
Unless you were married in which case some women would prefer to be called Mrs. and would take a small measure of offence at "Miss".
Either way people can't win, and I'm sorry but if you work in a job where you have your first name on your shirt I'd say you're going to have to suck it up and deal with people using it.
iguana_tonante said:
My parents were friends for a while with a couple who were the parents of a classmate. They asked us (me and Hubby) to call them by their first names. Couldn't do it. So they suggested "Auntie Barbra" and "Uncle Henry." Doable. First name but some respect for people who were my parents' ages and not really friends of mine.
I went back to school and never had a problem calling an instructor "Mr/Mrs," even if I was older than them--or a professor "Professor" when I was an undergrad even when we were near in age. They hadn't invited me to call them by their first names and it was showing respect for their position.
As it is, when Hubby and I are the only ones entering a small shop and we're greeted by the owner/employee, we'll say "Thank you" on our way out--particularly if all we did was look around.
It just seems polite to acknowledge someone's existence and presence.
Same here, except that one instructor did say we could call him by his first name. He stated that we could call him Doctor _____, or call him by his first name (since that was his name, after all)... but never, EVER address him as "Mr. _____."
Most of the PhD-type of instructors at my college were fairly okay with being addressed by their first names. There was one who we would never consider calling anything but "Dr. _____" simply because he was at least two generations older than the oldest person in the class (ie. my grandmother's age). Another simply made it clear that although she felt comfortable in calling a student "Hon," she expected to be addressed as "Dr. _____."
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