My Sister is Dying
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digits, I'm so sorry that you and your family are going through this. I wish there was some way to save your sister. 
I've seen a lot of destruction caused by alcohol and drugs over the years, both in my career and my personal life, so I have some idea of what you're going through. The bottom line is that some people just can't be helped-- no matter what you do, they won't let you. I wish I could figure out the secret....
I've seen a lot of destruction caused by alcohol and drugs over the years, both in my career and my personal life, so I have some idea of what you're going through. The bottom line is that some people just can't be helped-- no matter what you do, they won't let you. I wish I could figure out the secret....
I've had some dealings with alcoholics.
When I was younger my mom used to drink and disappear for the prime time hours. Spending money for food and cloths on alcohol. She up-and-down denies it, but the family tells me my father died chocking on his own vomit while drunk on his back.
She still has not giving up drinking. It's cost her a visit to a place best not left to regular non drinkers, and a accident where she flipped a car over. It's also cost her the one guy who would have probably settled down with her.
The second is a friend of mine. His story is long, but the highlights are:
Waking up the wee hours of the morning to drink,
Drinking alone,
Getting so drunk he couldn't remember certain things,
Spending hundreds f dollars each month of beer until it was breaking him,
Buying things that put him in trouble or debt (even almost killing him),
Wife telling him so was going to leave him if he didn't stop,
Hiding empty beer bottle in the trash can, in the tool box, anywhere else,
Passing out (passed out one time whiel standing up, and fell forward, hitting his head into the wall -- he just stood that way),
Doctors telling him if he didn't stop drinking NOW, he was going to die (he kept drinking),
And one time going some place but came back and couldn't remember what he was doing.
Alcoholism, in fact alcohol in general, is a disgusting thing of life. I washed my hands of him and my mother. If someone wants to do themselves in like that, I say have fun -- I'll go on with my life.
For those curious, about a year and-a-half ago he checked himself in to rehab (Which involed driving drunk to another city, by the way). He completely turned his life around, his liver and everything cleared up un beleivably so nicely he's in remarkable health for what happened. He's lost all the weight, healthy, and he got back into the band (which is now owns).
My mom on the other hand...
When I was younger my mom used to drink and disappear for the prime time hours. Spending money for food and cloths on alcohol. She up-and-down denies it, but the family tells me my father died chocking on his own vomit while drunk on his back.
She still has not giving up drinking. It's cost her a visit to a place best not left to regular non drinkers, and a accident where she flipped a car over. It's also cost her the one guy who would have probably settled down with her.
The second is a friend of mine. His story is long, but the highlights are:
Waking up the wee hours of the morning to drink,
Drinking alone,
Getting so drunk he couldn't remember certain things,
Spending hundreds f dollars each month of beer until it was breaking him,
Buying things that put him in trouble or debt (even almost killing him),
Wife telling him so was going to leave him if he didn't stop,
Hiding empty beer bottle in the trash can, in the tool box, anywhere else,
Passing out (passed out one time whiel standing up, and fell forward, hitting his head into the wall -- he just stood that way),
Doctors telling him if he didn't stop drinking NOW, he was going to die (he kept drinking),
And one time going some place but came back and couldn't remember what he was doing.
Alcoholism, in fact alcohol in general, is a disgusting thing of life. I washed my hands of him and my mother. If someone wants to do themselves in like that, I say have fun -- I'll go on with my life.
For those curious, about a year and-a-half ago he checked himself in to rehab (Which involed driving drunk to another city, by the way). He completely turned his life around, his liver and everything cleared up un beleivably so nicely he's in remarkable health for what happened. He's lost all the weight, healthy, and he got back into the band (which is now owns).
My mom on the other hand...
digits, I'm sorry you're having to go through this. I understand about the family "electing" you. Mine did the same when my father passed a few years ago.
Hospice is an amazing group of people - make use of them. I cannot say enough about the grace of people that deal with death on a daily basis like they do.
Good luck - and remember to take some time for yourself as well.
Hospice is an amazing group of people - make use of them. I cannot say enough about the grace of people that deal with death on a daily basis like they do.
Good luck - and remember to take some time for yourself as well.
Thanks for the kind words everyone.
Yes it is bizarre to see someone so obviously ruining their life but unable/unwilling to stop. The last time she was in the hospital, the staff found an empty vodka bottle in her nightstand. I deal with it everyday at work. I understand the physical and psychological dynamics. Yet it still baffles me.
The hospice people have been fantastic. Dealing with my sister under any circumstances can be challenging. Under these circumstances, it is truly exhausting. They are trying to make her comfortable. Her body is shutting down now. She goes in and out of lucidity. She's confused and I'm sure quite scared.
Yes it is bizarre to see someone so obviously ruining their life but unable/unwilling to stop. The last time she was in the hospital, the staff found an empty vodka bottle in her nightstand. I deal with it everyday at work. I understand the physical and psychological dynamics. Yet it still baffles me.
The hospice people have been fantastic. Dealing with my sister under any circumstances can be challenging. Under these circumstances, it is truly exhausting. They are trying to make her comfortable. Her body is shutting down now. She goes in and out of lucidity. She's confused and I'm sure quite scared.
You have my deepest sympathies and condolences
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Damn.. Stay sane dude...
Amen. I would have gone insane without the hospice when my mother was at the end of her life.
Digits....you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. I lost my dad to alcoholism, so I can sympathize with what you're going through.
**Hugs**
*hugs* You're in my thoughts and prayers, digits.
My mothers younger brother committed suicide in 1989.
Alcoholism to this degree is basically the same.
My mom had to take the brunt of it. I watched what this did to our family and had to be the one to keep everyone together.
Don't be afraid to talk about it as this makes it easier.
If you want to read a book that will make a difference "The Last Lecture."
As a trek fan, you will definitely feel better after reading it. It is a small quick read and is available at any wal-mart book section.
It changed my life.
The best thing you can do is live your life to the fullest.
If you aren't, become a volunteer. Tell people what happened to your sis and maybe you will save a life somewhere down the road.
Alcoholism to this degree is basically the same.
My mom had to take the brunt of it. I watched what this did to our family and had to be the one to keep everyone together.
Don't be afraid to talk about it as this makes it easier.
If you want to read a book that will make a difference "The Last Lecture."
As a trek fan, you will definitely feel better after reading it. It is a small quick read and is available at any wal-mart book section.
It changed my life.
The best thing you can do is live your life to the fullest.
If you aren't, become a volunteer. Tell people what happened to your sis and maybe you will save a life somewhere down the road.
I wish you and your family the best Digits.
We're going through about the same thing with my next youngest brother who is a couple of years older than your sister. He's had quite a few operations and just recently diagnosed with pancreatitis. Last summer we lost my FIL to cirrhosis and liver cancer. Thankfully it all happened quickly and his (and our) suffering was minimized.
You all will be in my thoughts.
We're going through about the same thing with my next youngest brother who is a couple of years older than your sister. He's had quite a few operations and just recently diagnosed with pancreatitis. Last summer we lost my FIL to cirrhosis and liver cancer. Thankfully it all happened quickly and his (and our) suffering was minimized.
You all will be in my thoughts.
I'm so sorry, digits.
Sorry to hear this digits.
You know the score on this - it's easy to deal with this sort of stuff when it's advising someone else; much harder when it's your own family in the crosshairs. Make sure you have someone IRL to privately let off steam to.
Stay frosty. And good luck with it all.
You know the score on this - it's easy to deal with this sort of stuff when it's advising someone else; much harder when it's your own family in the crosshairs. Make sure you have someone IRL to privately let off steam to.
Stay frosty. And good luck with it all.
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