My Mother And Her Death Wish ...

[rhubarbodendron]

^quite likely. Or an attempt at living up to the custom title.

I don't see how spreading the worry is in any way a good thing.

It is a good thing because being given an early warning and plenty of time to prepare for the worst is much better than having the worst coming out of the blue and blowing your mind.
And being told a bad fact by a relative or friend hurts far less than being told the same fact by some complete stranger.

Imagine what happens if the kid doesn't get told:
There is a very high likeliness that one day he comes home from school and finds his mom dead.
Won't he completely panic? Will he be able to think clearly enough to take the neccessary steps (call relatives, police, doctor etc)? I think we can safely assume that he'll most literally be scared out of his wits and suffering from a deep shock. In such a state of mind he could even hurt himself or blindly run out into the street and get run over.

If, on the other hand, he gets told now, he can watch out for the telltale symptoms of immediate health problems and maybe get his mom to a doctor (or vice versa) before it is too late.
And even if the worst happens, he will have discussed the problem with his brother and father. He will know what to expect and how to deal with the situation.
There will still be the loss, but no panic, and only a mild shock instead of a huge one.

Not telling the kid doesn't mean doing him a favour. Quite the contrary. And as for the worry: that's being shared with all the family (and all of StarMan's friends) which makes it much easier to bear.

 

[Timby]

There's only one thing you can always, always count on from an addict who's in active usage, be it smoking, drinking, drugs, gambling, etc.: They lie. They will tell any lie necessary to get them closer to their next fix. (I know. Recovering alcoholic.)

And you can beg, cajole, encourage, do everything under the sun to get someone to quit, but it's all meaningless until they actually decide that they want to quit. Addiction is a nasty, nasty disease, and I'm a firm believer that it's a symptom of a larger, deeper problem (generally depression). Until your Mom decides that she wants to quit smoking, as opposed to just putting on a show of quitting ... she'll keep on smoking.

It sucks. I know. And, unfortunately, addiction is hard to beat. I don't know the numbers for smoking, but the long-term success rate for alcoholics who try to quit drinking, even if they get help like 12-step, inpatient treatment, outpatient treatment, some combination thereof, whatever, is only 10 - 12 percent. Everyone else ... well, we have a moment of silence for them at the beginning of every meeting.

I'm sorry for what you're going through. I wish I could say more.

 

[Trekker4747]

Your avatar is oddly hypnotic and annoying at the same time...

 

[Timby]

It represents arguments on the Internet.

 

[Trekker4747]

It represents arguments on the Internet.

Or a panel of pundits on Fox News.

 

[NebulaClassGuy]

Or Obama.

 

[Robert Maxwell]

Or Obama.

No.

 

[sidious618]

Or Obama.

No.

Yeah, his post doesn't even make sense. Is Obama arguing with himself or something?

Anyhow, to the OP, it's a tough situation and if I were you I'd probably be just as frustrated. I don't have any solid advice other than to hang in there and hope that she'll come to realize it's quit or die. If that happens then be there for her but don't use all of your energy trying to make her quit.

 

[Mary Ann]

It must be deeply satisfying to have such marvellousness. If only all addicts had someone to tell them they're being cavalier with their health, because of course they don't know that. They none of them care what their addiction is doing to them and their families. If only they all had someone to say "I told you so" every so often. The world would be free of addiction forever.

Once again, the key word is addiction.

 

[JarodRussell]

The more you beg, the more you drive them away from you. The realization that they need to stop might come too late, but unfortunately, that's how it is. You can't force someone into giving up, it just doesn't work that way.

 

[Australis]

Nicotine patches. Anyone suggested them? They'd be a start.

 

[Gaith]

The more you beg, the more you drive them away from you. The realization that they need to stop might come too late, but unfortunately, that's how it is. You can't force someone into giving up, it just doesn't work that way.

Not yet, anyway. Get on it, Science!

 

[CorporalCaptain]

Nicotine patches. Anyone suggested them? They'd be a start.

Patches, gum, e-cigarettes, whatever. They only work if the person in question wants them to. Nothing replicates the smoking experience in total, except smoking.

 

[Deckerd]

^quite likely. Or an attempt at living up to the custom title.

I don't see how spreading the worry is in any way a good thing.

It is a good thing because being given an early warning and plenty of time to prepare for the worst is much better than having the worst coming out of the blue and blowing your mind.
And being told a bad fact by a relative or friend hurts far less than being told the same fact by some complete stranger.

Imagine what happens if the kid doesn't get told:
There is a very high likeliness that one day he comes home from school and finds his mom dead.
Won't he completely panic? Will he be able to think clearly enough to take the neccessary steps (call relatives, police, doctor etc)? I think we can safely assume that he'll most literally be scared out of his wits and suffering from a deep shock. In such a state of mind he could even hurt himself or blindly run out into the street and get run over.

If, on the other hand, he gets told now, he can watch out for the telltale symptoms of immediate health problems and maybe get his mom to a doctor (or vice versa) before it is too late.
And even if the worst happens, he will have discussed the problem with his brother and father. He will know what to expect and how to deal with the situation.
There will still be the loss, but no panic, and only a mild shock instead of a huge one.

Not telling the kid doesn't mean doing him a favour. Quite the contrary. And as for the worry: that's being shared with all the family (and all of StarMan's friends) which makes it much easier to bear.

This is all horsefeathers. Why give someone the burden of misery and worry when they absolutely don't need it? You clearly don't have any children.

 

[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

How old IS the kid?

 

[rhubarbodendron]

Deckerd, I explained twice in great detail. After #1 I preferred to think you were just a little dense (in dubio pro reo), but after #2 it is obvious that you don't want to get it. I give you a 1.1 for this lame attempt at baiting me (the .1 is for correct spelling and grammar).

@ Australis and CorporalCaptain: while nicotene plasters and the like seem a good idea at first glance, they are no option in this case, as the problem is not impending lung cancer but an aneurysm which can break when the blood pressure rises. And Nicotene does exactly that.
The only nicotene-free substitute I can think of atm is a pacifier and I guess we can assume she wouldn't accept that alternative.

 

[Deckerd]

No idea what you're on about.

 

[Tora Ziyal]

^quite likely. Or an attempt at living up to the custom title.

I don't see how spreading the worry is in any way a good thing.

It is a good thing because being given an early warning and plenty of time to prepare for the worst is much better than having the worst coming out of the blue and blowing your mind.
And being told a bad fact by a relative or friend hurts far less than being told the same fact by some complete stranger.

Imagine what happens if the kid doesn't get told:
There is a very high likeliness that one day he comes home from school and finds his mom dead.
Won't he completely panic? Will he be able to think clearly enough to take the neccessary steps (call relatives, police, doctor etc)? I think we can safely assume that he'll most literally be scared out of his wits and suffering from a deep shock. In such a state of mind he could even hurt himself or blindly run out into the street and get run over.

If, on the other hand, he gets told now, he can watch out for the telltale symptoms of immediate health problems and maybe get his mom to a doctor (or vice versa) before it is too late.
And even if the worst happens, he will have discussed the problem with his brother and father. He will know what to expect and how to deal with the situation.
There will still be the loss, but no panic, and only a mild shock instead of a huge one.

Not telling the kid doesn't mean doing him a favour. Quite the contrary. And as for the worry: that's being shared with all the family (and all of StarMan's friends) which makes it much easier to bear.

This is all horsefeathers. Why give someone the burden of misery and worry when they absolutely don't need it? You clearly don't have any children.

Rhubarbodendron doesn't need to have children in order to be right. I've been on the receiving end of family health secrets, both as a small child and as an adult. Someone thought they were protecting me, but what they were really doing was setting me up to be far more upset than I ever would have been if I'd understood what was happening all along.

 

[Deckerd]

We'll have to disagree on that then. I don't think you can know if you would have been less upset if you had known what was happening when you were a child. As an adult, that's another matter and not one I can comment on.

 

[Shaytan]

I was raised by a ill mother. That was not a secret.
When you're a kid, even if you know, you think that you have the time to think about that. Telling the truth or not don't change a thing.
The idea that it's less a shock when you have the time to be prepared is ridiculous.