Contest: ENTER Movies Caption Contest #269: Back to the Beginning

[bolak]

Kirk: Captain's Log supplemental. I have found an area of slight coloration onboard the refitted Enterprise. So far I have not revealed this to the crew. I hope that smart-arse Decker doesn't know it's here. Perhaps I can...

Decker, over tannoy: All hands all hands, report to the Green Patch for Non-Pastel Hour.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Kirk: "I wish I could quit you."

Chekov: "I change my mind about the promotion request."

 

[Finn]

Captain's Log; Things didn't go well when I attended the Halloween party at Star Station Curtis. People apparently don't respond well when they see me in my white face makeup.

 

[IMC Headquarters]

KIRK: A cloaked light saber! Those Klingon bastards won't know what hit them...

 

[IMC Headquarters]

KIRK: There's a man on the wing of the ship! Oh. Wait. It's just Spock...

 

[IMC Headquarters]

KIRK: "Carbon Units"? That's racist!

 

[IMC Headquarters]

ILIA: You made a clawical error, Mr Chekov...

 

[CuriousCaitian]

Kirk, over comm: Attention, all crew members. If I ever discover who randomly reordered my mini-Monolith collection I'll have them reassigned to security and ordered to beam down with me to the Planet of the Giant Carnivorous Plants That Take Decades to Eat You. Kirk out.

 

[IMC Headquarters]

CHEKOV: You are not going to put a bug in my ear, are you? No? Oh. That's a relief. If there's one thing that absolutely terror forms me is a wriggling bug inside my ear burrowing its way to my brain...

 

[IMC Headquarters]

KIRK: Man, it's as hot as a Borg cube in here. Oh. Wait. It's just me.

 

[IMC Headquarters]

CHEKOV: Dr Phlox at Starfleet Medical was always putting bugs on me, you see. You won't do the same, right?

 

[IMC Headquarters]

KIRK: The hairpiece mannequin! IT'S ALIVE!!!

 

[IMC Headquarters]

KIRK: Is that what they're wearing on Talos IV these days?

 

[IMC Headquarters]

CHEKOV: There's an osmotic eel on me where?

 

[CuriousCaitian]

Ilia Probe: Initial scans indicate not all of that hair is your own.
Kirk: I assure you it is. Your scan must be faulty.
Ilia Probe: My scans are 100% accurate.
Kirk: Are you calling me a liar?!
McCoy: Jim, your pants just caught fire.

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Kirk (into communicator): Bones, what's Chekov's locker number again? I wanna swipe that bottle of whiskey he stashed away.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Kirk: "GUH! I thought we eliminated baldness!"

Ilia: "No. And by my calculations it will exist well into the 24th century."

 

[Tenacity]

KIRK: kirk to all hands, anyone aboard better looking than me report.

(sound of crickets)

KIRK: i didn't think so.

 

[IMC Headquarters]

KIRK: Never mind the Salt Vampire, Bones--this one drains color from Starfleet uniforms!!!

 

[IMC Headquarters]

KIRK: She's blocking the way to the head. And I haven't gone since Stardate 3413.6!