Movie Caption Contest #99: Blu-Ray Blues - The Motion Picture

[Rat Boy]

No need to bang your head against the wall, because it's time for another caption contest. First, as always, let's point and roll our eyes at...

For steal...I mean building, yes, building on an idea I had, our winner is...

Chekov (off screen): "Maybe you know other Wussian epic - Groin Rapunzel!"

*rips off Dax's trousers*

Spock (clears threat): "Er, Chekov..."

Uhura: "Oh God, I hate brazilians..."

For explaining why F. Murray Abraham really hated Picard, our winner is...

Ru'afo: Do you have to play Mozart during this discussion, captain?

The Photoshop award, or as I like to refer to this one, what each and every one of us do every day:

Ru'afo: "Captain, why do I get the feeling that I don't have your full attention?"

Picard: "I have no idea." <types: "LOL. Son'a dickbag thinks he's the shit.">

And finally, a special award out of pity...

[Removed per board rules]
God: "So I hope you like the gift, I found her in a little strip shop on Risa. Actually there's a funny story-"

McCoy: "Um, God, was there a reason you called us here?"

God: "Oh, yeah, ah,"

*clears throat*

God : "God wants to know why Mistral hasn't won the caption contests!"

At first, nobody wanted to say anything. It was God, after all. Then Spock insisted the communication officer step up.

Uhura: "Have you read what he wrote?"

Congratulations to the winners and here are our updated totals:

Candlelight (Hall of Fame) 43
Nerys Myk (Hall of Fame) 42
cooleddie74 (Hall of Fame) 32
Gertch (Hall of Fame) 25
Shatmandu (Hall of Fame) 25
The Laughing Vulcan (Hall of Fame) 22
Triskelion 18
Outpost4 16
Turd Ferguson 15
middyseafort 14
Diesel Micky Dolenz 14
Nebusj 11
scottydog 11
DS9Sega 11
EliyahuQeoni 10
BriGuy 9
zephramc 9
LeadHead 9
Kegek 8
cultcross 7
Tharpdevenport 7
John_Picard 6
Atavachron 6
Herkimer Jitty 6
Alrik 6
SciFi75 5
Finn 5
The Cutest of Borg 5
Skywalker 5
CaptainJon 4
Haggis and Tatties 4
NCC-1701 4
Defcon 4
Kirby 4
jptrekker 4
Bad Atom 4
Peach Wookie 4
TheGallifreyanSith 4
Sisu 3
David_Leese 3
archerguy1701 3
Starpaul20 3
ancient 3
chancellorjake 3
Mistral 3
J. Allen 2
Arthur Frelling Dent 2
Lloyd_Dobbler 2
nil_jones 2
OphaClyde 2
Gagarin 2
casey 2
Redshirts Widow 2
Cky 2
captain crow 2
thedude 2
cardinal biggles 1
Vasquez Rocks 1
Valin 1
Nathan_Heller 1
Guartho 1
Alyssa 1
A beaker full of death 1
rmkwebdesign 1
Starlock 1
Admiral Garak 1
Broccoli 1
Mister.Woof 1
The Squire of Gothos 1
A Chimpanzee & 2 Trainees 1
battrekker 1
DrBob 1
Sector7 1
USS Mariner 1
hmbnimbus 1
S'Kai 1
H F Mudd 1
dukesman 1
Fire 1
Super Grover 1
Johnnyracefan 1
SciFi75 1
jongredic 1
BriGuy 1
26138 1
Toban Kal 1
trilbymonkey 1
Will 1
Captain Mike 1
Civil Shadow 1
Piper 1
T'Boggan 1
Daneel 1
Dimesdan 1
shivkala 1
Deranged Nasat 1

This week, we kick off our commemoration of the first six Trek films being released on Blu-Ray with screen caps from The Motion Picture. Lacking a Blu-Ray drive on my computer, we call on our old friends from TrekCore for assistance. These pictures of course have been scaled down for your convience and you'll see a mix of new images and duplicates of ones done in previous contests. First up, you have the Klingon first officer trying to explain to his captain that the torpedo detonators won't arrive until Galak'Jor. Second, we have Sonak informing Admiral Kirk that he's created a perfect clone of the late Farrah Fawcett. Third, Kirk and Scotty share a laugh over how much Admiral Nogura tends to compensate for his shortcomings. Fourth, the crew struggles to hang their birthday decorations for Spock. Fifth, Kirk tells everyone about that time he was hiding under Uhura's roommates bed. Finally, Bones tries to insist that the disco era is not dead. Enjoy:

 

[Rat Boy]

Captain: "He just...he just said our heads look like fannys!"

Kirk: "Spock?"

Sonak: *sigh*

Kirk: "Shit, you're even wrinklier in high def."

Scotty: "Look who's talking, asshole."

Guy on platform: "Dwayne, stop taking pictures of my batch!"

Kirk: "Hello, everyone. I...I guess I'm your father."

Kirk was quite appreciative of the local space-time distortion device, which allowed him to fast-forward through McCoy's rants.

 

[Shatmandu]

Captain: "Yes, this whole movie will be overdubbed. BACK TO YOUR POST!"

Blonde in background, thinking: "And to think I only had to smoke that fat slob producer's pole thirty times to get my big break in movies ..."

Kirk: "I can't wait to get to the Enterprise, so I can change into something more bland."

Uhura: "Where's my pick?"

Kirk: "Greetings, assembled douchebags and hangers-on, ..."

McCoy: "I almost had a couple of disco skanks convinced I was a Bee-Gee descendant, god damn you."

Kirk: "I thought you had the keys."
Sonak: "No, you had them."

Not a caption, but notice that every female in the front row is shielding her camel toe while most of the men are oblivious?

 

[Diesel Micky Dolenz]

Thanks for the win!

Actor 1: "You know, I saw the series. I saw the Klingons. WTF is with this makeup?"

Actor 2: "I hear you. Union scale doesn't begin to cover this bullshit."

Kirk: "Commander Sonak, please report to the Enterprise immediately."

Sonak: "Just a moment, Admiral. I believe I smell my next ex-wife."

Shatner: "... so I convinced Weiss to cut George's part down to blankly staring at the viewer."

Doohan: "Yeah, hilarious" <under breath> "you pompous prick."

Ensign Mooseknuckle: "Here's your iPhone back. I kind of had it set to vibrate and then, well.... I disinfected it as well as I could."

Kirk: "... and for God's sake change out of those pajamas and into some proper uniforms. Don't you people have any self respect?"

McCoy: "Wait a minute! You were the one who made the nude jumping jacks mandatory!"

 

[Deranged Nasat]

Klingon one: "Er...sir? There's a giant millipede on your head, sir"

Klingon two: "Moron! That's just my forehead ridges, my honoured family crest."

Klingon one: "But Klingons don't have forehead ridges"

Klingon two: "What the f**k are you on about?"

Klingon one: "we didn't have them last time, on the TV show, the episodes..."

Klingon two: "we did".

Klingon one: "but I distinctly remember..."

Klingon two: "nope. Now shut up and get back to work".

Klingon one: *is freaked out*.

Shatner: "Good god, it's...it's a Vulcan. A real Vulcan. I...I thought this was just a film. It was just a show we did. Why...what...how?"

Vulcan: "You didn't see anything, Earth-man. Resume your standard activities".

Man standing in foreground: "See, I told you, tickets to the fourth annual Uranus Orion rock concert. Now let's get going before Kirk and the officers catch us".

Woman behind chair on right: "I'm winding up Navigator Deep Sat Nav as we speak"

Kirk: "...and I'm afraid to report blue-skinned Betelgeusian agents have apparently infiltrated the crew. If the bald blue guy lurking at the back could please cut it out; you're not fooling anyone".

McCoy: "On your mission against V'Ger accompany you? Jedi knight I am, not Knight Templar" *force-choke*

 

[Turd Ferguson]

"As the great Kahless once said during battle, 'He who smelt it, dealt it.'"

"Commander Sonak. I've read your reports, and I must say, I see you having a great, bright, long future in Starfleet! Now, if you would be so kind as to transport up to the Enterprise at 0800..."

Kirk tells Scotty all the "extracurricular" activities he had to resort to to persuade Admiral Nagura to give him back the Enterprise.

"This is never going to work! Lower yourself about two feet and pivot 180 degrees."

"My fellow crew, I won't mince words. Chances are, a few of you won't make it back to Earth. In fact, with the exception of myself, Dr. McCoy, Mr. Spock, Scotty, Uhura, Chekov and Sulu, all of you are almost certain to die. Nothing personal, just my experience."

 

[Rat Boy]

"My fellow crew, I won't mince words. Chances are, a few of you won't make it back to Earth. In fact, with the exception of myself, Dr. McCoy, Mr. Spock, Scotty, Uhura, Chekov and Sulu, all of you are almost certain to die. Nothing personal, just my experience."

Guy in crowd: "But Spock isn't even here yet!"

Kirk: "Oh, shut up!"

 

[Mistral]

Thanks for the pity party!

"These new crotchless uniforms are great! I give'em a 9.5!"

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "No, Bones, that isn't the 'Thing' I'm talking about."

 

[Turd Ferguson]

Kirk: "No, Bones, that isn't the 'Thing' I'm talking about."

"...or IS it?"

 

[Shatmandu]

Kirk: "If you'd shaken your doodle with the same effort, your pants wouldn't look like that ..."

Captain: "I do not fart, like a commoner. I 'break wind.' And, yes, I broke wind."

Sonak: "Yes, I fixed the Enterprise's transporter. Your Mr. Scott is lacking skill and mental capasity."

Scotty: "Yep, Uhura's been passed around more than a joint at a Phish concert."

Ensign Mooseknuckle: "So, Bob, I see you're Jewish ... How's that working out for you?"

Kirk: "... and since banning the color red, at my suggestion, we've somehow continued to have deaths on away missions."

Guy in balcony: "YOU SUCK!"

 

[Rat Boy]

Guy in white: "Do we really need to install this anti-wormhole thingamajig?"

Guy on platform: "No, you're right. Let's knock off early and play those homoerotic crystal things in the rec room."

Guy in white: "Deal!"

 

[KirkusOveractus]

Kirk: "And, due to no one owning up to the prank pulled on Mr. Spock, I am forced to cancel liberty for all crew until further notice."

Crewman: "Give me liberty or give me death!"

Kirk: "Who said that?"

Crewman: "Patrick Henry!"

 

[Shatmandu]

Kirk: "Damn. Soooooo many white people ..."

Kirk: "... and now I'll turn this over to Commander Manny Bignutz ... <gestures to his left>"

 

[Rat Boy]

Chris Doohan: "Why's Dad laughing so much?"

Montgomery Doohan: "Because Shatner's fly is open."

 

[Shatmandu]

Kirk: "Your belt monitors will record how many times you have sex with me. The contest is over in one solar year. BEGIN."

 

[Shatmandu]

A cut line from the first draft of TMP:

Kirk: "Actually, it wasn't difficult: I just told Nogura I've been porking his wife and daughter. Showed him pictures. Bing-bang-boom, here we are."

 

[KirkusOveractus]

Shatner: "So, once I told Gene, and you'll love this, that Jimmy was a bit player, and shouldn't have that many lines...crap, sorry, I didn't know it was you with the moustache..."

 

[KirkusOveractus]

Kirk: "As I look out into this crew, I see...Native Americans with their...keen...sense of honor and ability that I...hope that this...cloud...with regards to what it has absorbed...will be an Indian giver and...DAMN!"

 

[Firebird]

Klingon Captain: What's a "Ass-Master," and why did we order six dozen?

Kirk: *laughs* You know Dr. Chapel's going to kill us when she finds out we stole the *giggles* medical-grade weed.

Scotty: *giggles uncontrollably* Eh, up 'er shaft!

While the meeting had gone smoothly, Kirk was completely unaware that the Viagra hadn't worn off yet.