Movie Caption Contest #93: The Return of Special FX, Part One!

[Rat Boy]

Make sure to watch out for any sticky spots on the floor as you leave, because it's time for another caption contest. First up, let's throw popcorn at...

For implying later on that Kirk wasn't trying to save the president so much as tackle him for not bailing him out, our winner is...

TV ANNOUNCER: "Alright, Beta Quadrant, you've seen the prisoners and now it's time for you to vote! Who will get to plead their case further? Who will end up in the Bottom Two and face execution by beheading tomorrow? Will it be Kirk and McCoy of Starfleet? Selvrek and Tel'Avris of the Romulan Empire? Or Jheluna of the Orion Syndicate? Our operators are standing by -- call in your votes now! S'Krehst out!"

SAREK: "Mr. President, should we not call in to vote for the captain and the doctor?"

PRESIDENT: "At $3.75 a minute? Fuck that... Those two are on their own."

For proving that good help is hard to get, our winner is...

Picard: I demand you return my Chief Engineer Immediately! Tell them Will, Will? (Riker beams aboard Bird Of Prey) I now demand you return my Chief Engineer and kick my First Officer in the Crotch!

For making a few people head over to the IMDB, our winner is...

Doohan: Aye, lassie
Kim: Listen you fat bastard, that was one movie, I was young, I needed the money
Meyer: Kim, calm down, he's in character, he's supposed to be Scottish.

A special award for perhaps the only joke that didn't involve innuendo...

Picard: This is the Klingon version of Patty and Selma... Just when I thought they couldn't get uglier...

And, on a related note, our Photoshop winner...

Edited for a G-rated audience.

Congratulations to our winners and here's our updated totals:

Nerys Myk (Hall of Fame) 42
Candlelight (Hall of Fame) 40
cooleddie74 (Hall of Fame) 31
Gertch (Hall of Fame) 25
Shatmandu (Hall of Fame) 23
The Laughing Vulcan (Hall of Fame) 20
Outpost4 16
Triskelion 15
Turd Ferguson 15
Diesel Micky Dolenz 12
middyseafort 12
Nebusj 11
scottydog 11
EliyahuQeoni 10
DS9Sega 10
BriGuy 9
zephramc 9
Kegek 8
LeadHead 8
cultcross 7
Tharpdevenport 7
John_Picard 6
Atavachron 6
Herkimer Jitty 6
SciFi75 5
Finn 5
The Cutest of Borg 5
Alrik 5
CaptainJon 4
Haggis and Tatties 4
Skywalker 4
NCC-1701 4
Defcon 4
Kirby 4
jptrekker 4
Bad Atom 4
Peach Wookie 4
TheGallifreyanSith 4
Sisu 3
David_Leese 3
archerguy1701 3
Starpaul20 3
ancient 3
chancellorjake 3
J. Allen 2
Arthur Frelling Dent 2
Lloyd_Dobbler 2
nil_jones 2
OphaClyde 2
Gagarin 2
casey 2
Redshirts Widow 2
Cky 2
Mistral 2
captain crow 2
cardinal biggles 1
Vasquez Rocks 1
Valin 1
Nathan_Heller 1
Guartho 1
Alyssa 1
A beaker full of death 1
rmkwebdesign 1
Starlock 1
Admiral Garak 1
Broccoli 1
Mister.Woof 1
The Squire of Gothos 1
A Chimpanzee & 2 Trainees 1
battrekker 1
DrBob 1
Sector7 1
USS Mariner 1
hmbnimbus 1
S'Kai 1
H F Mudd 1
dukesman 1
Fire 1
Super Grover 1
Johnnyracefan 1
SciFi75 1
jongredic 1
BriGuy 1
26138 1
Toban Kal 1
trilbymonkey 1
Will 1
Captain Mike 1
Civil Shadow 1
Piper 1
T'Boggan 1
Daneel 1

Digging around the old caption contests, I found a few that had the theme of involving visual FX of one sort or another, so I decided to bring it back for the next couple of weeks. First up, we have a picture that a certain Star Trek author called a long, drawn out masturbation scene (you can only imagine where Shatmandu will go with this). Next, we have the residents of Bozeman, Montana wondering why the hell they built their town on top of a missile silo. Finally, we have a picture proving that J.J. Abrams wasn't the first to try inserting a little Star Wars into Star Trek; look right below the Akira-class ship, because it's none other than the Millenium Falcon. Chewie, get us out of here!

 

[Rat Boy]

Scotty: "Oh, for God's sakes, suh!"

Kirk: "I'm not jerking off; I can't get my package to sit right in these new uniforms."

Villager #1: "There goes Old Man Cochrane's still again."

Han Solo: "This is why we take a few moments to get the coordinates from the navicomputer!"

 

[SeerSGB]

Good starship porn, just like real porn, is always ruined when some middle aged fat dude shows up in the scene and covers up the hot girl.

The war between Abrams-Trek supporters and Original-Trek supporters reached at whole new level when Voyager II accidentally downloaded TrekBBS.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Scott: "Borgus frat! I hate it when the damned fanboys borrow the shuttle."

Kirk: "Why's that."

Scott: "They never remember to wipe the cum of the console."

Villager #1: "Is it just me, or does Cochrane's ship look like a shiny metal..."
Villager #2: "... Dick! Hey Dick, take a look at this, it looks just like a..."
Villager #3: "... Weiner! Get your piping hot weiner's here, special launch day rates. What the, what is that...
Villager #4: "Schlong, and thanks for all the fish. I love that Douglas Adams novel, say doesn't that look just like..."

Han Solo: "Sphere, cube, don't look at me, I failed elementary geometry!"

 

[Shatmandu]

Scotty: "You blew Nogura, didn't ye, ye pansy?"
Kirk, in arch accent: "Aye."

Villager #1: "Ah, shit: that's where I kept my porno mags."

Borg Voice: "Yeah! Suck it, Starfleet bitches!!"

 

[Triskelion]

Scotty: Next stop, Enterprise.
<Kirk pulls cord>

 

[Mistral]

Kirk: "Ok, Scotty, guide us in."

Scotty: "Ah, Admiral, um, somone's taken the steering wheel!"

 

[Rat Boy]

Leia: "You're not actually going in to a Star Trek movie?"

Han: "They'd be crazy to follow us, wouldn't they?"

C-3P0: "Sir, the odds of successfully navigating a Star Trek movie is 3,720 to 1!"

Han: "Never tell me the odds!"

 

[cooleddie74]

SCOTTY:"Aye, Admiral...

she's even more incredible when you're trippin' on Jamaican Lamb's Wool."

 

[cooleddie74]

KIRK:"NO STARBOARD CUP HOLDER?!

You're fired."

THE DAY AFTER 2:

TEMPORAL BOOGALOO

BORG QUEEN:"Blast.

That was our last working MP3 port."

 

[Shatmandu]

Kirk: "You Scots always do like to come in from behind ..."
Scotty, proud, getting joke: "Aye."
Kirk: "... but the Enterprise is no sheep; remember that."

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "You Scots always do like to come in from behind ..."
Scotty, proud, getting joke: "Aye."
Kirk: "... but the Enterprise is no sheep; remember that."

Scotty: "Watch it, farm boy. Uhura told me everything."

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRK: I thought the nacelles would be bigger.

 

[cooleddie74]

SCOTTY:"Mind you, sir...she's not done yet. We still have to add the mudflaps with silhouettes of Orion slave girls."

 

[Plecostomus]

SCOTTY: *sigh* They took off all ah me chrome.
KIRK: And the neck is way too far forward.

 

[cooleddie74]

SCOTTY:"Admirals Abrams and Orci wanted WAY bigger nacelles."

 

[Captain Crow]

Kirk: Hurry up Mr. Scott they've left without us.

 

[Nebusj]

``Wait a minute, Scotty. E-N-T-I-R-P-R-I-Z-E?''
``This canna be ... we're somehow in the Asian bootleg DVD o'this film.''

``And the beauty of this scheme, Riker,'' said Cochrane, ``Is that by using the Ren Faire as my rocket's flame trench we solve both problems at once!''

``Hey, guys? Guys? If you look round back there's this great big red button marked `OFF', do you ... guys? Do you think we should press it? Guys? I'm just wondering if ... well, you'd probably say something if I should.''

 

[Mistral]

The Borg collectively sneeze.

 

[Peach Wookiee]

Thank you very much! Now, my next dreadful attempts! ^^;;

Kirk: Dude, where's my... Oh there it is!

Scotty (thinking): That's the last time I let him watch, "Dude, Where's Me Starship..." He's bloody annoying...

The settlers of New Bozeman found out what Zef Cochrane meant by a Magic Carpet ride, and it wasn't what they thought it meant...

RUN! THE BORG QUEEN HAS PMS!!! NO ONE IS SAFE!!

Borg Queen: YOU WILL GIVE ME CHOCOLATE! RESISTENCE IS FUTILE!!!