Movie Caption Contest # 33: In the Navy

[Rat Boy]

Wow. Here I was thinking we wouldn't get much out of last week's four pictures, but somehow you guys managed to crack nine pages of insanity. We also, thanks to Shatmandu, had two new characters added to the pantheon of Caption Contest running gags. Yes, Grignak the fish-looking coffee asswipe and Barney the Testicles join the likes of Carl Spock, Balok's puppet, Running Spock, and Lefty the Salesman. Here I was thinking I'd have a hard time coming up with a new Caption Contest Christmas card this year.

As I mentioned in the previous contest, considering the sheer volume on entries, I'm breaking it all down into six winners based on categories (or, if you've been watching the basketball tournament like me, brackets). Let's have a look at the winners:


The winner of the Leonard McCoy bracket:

McCoy:The Vulcan katra in me says to resolve this logically, but the Georgia Cracker in me says to kick your ass.


Mike, cracker

And the Grignak, the fish-looking coffee asswipe bracket winner is:

fish-looking coffee-asswipe: size you name, money I name, otherwise caffeine no.

The Dixon Hill bracket winner:

Picard:"So, we figured the only way we'd get any screen time in this contest was to come over and see you"

And the Barney the Testicles winner is:

Few people knew that Nicky the Nose and Barney the Testicles got their nicknames from the same terrible glory hole accident.

Now for the winner of the George Lucas bracket:

McCoy: "I'm trying to get to Genesis, you don't happen to own a ship do you?"
Kenobi: "I'm afraid friend that we also are looking to charter a ship."
Luke: "I thought you said this was a den of scum and villainy."
McCoy: "Well, Talulah's tits glow in the dark, and she'll make your lightsaber glow for fifty credits if you know what I mean..."

Solo: "Listen buddy, there's the senile old coot with the annoying brat, or the loopy guy with multiple personality disorder. I ain't too eager on hiring out to either of them. So you can have first pick."

Grignak: "I here am new, selling coffee and fish eggs am I. Wishing to purchase a crate?"

Solo: "Hey Wuher! There's already Rodian stains on that seat. Do I get a cut price deal if I blast this idiot too?"

Aaaaaaand, the Humphrey Bogart bracket:

"Chewie here sez you're lookin' for a fast plane to unoccupied Europe."

Congratulations to the many winners. This week we dial it back down to two pictures, but I get the feeling some will be all over these. So come on and join your fellow man and protect the motherland:

 

[Kirby]

Gay romance novels never really took off until Horatio's Hornblower

 

[Outpost4]

Poofters On Patrol!

EDIT: Kirby, two sides of the same caption coin.

 

[Rat Boy]

Chekov: "...and admiral; it is the Enterprise."

Uhura: "Uh, Pavel, I'm pretty sure that sign says Nimitz."

"Chekov: "Shhhhh! Maybe ve can finagle a promotion out of this!"

Riker (singing): "It's been a long road..."

Picard: "Not again."

 

[Shatmandu]

Chekov: "Yes, ve've been on board. Ve couldn't find the Poop Deck, so ..."

Picard: "All hands, commence the buggering!"
Riker, echoing: "Commence the buggering!"

 

[Rat Boy]

Chekov: "Yes, ve've been on board. Ve couldn't find the Poop Deck, so ..."

In a similar vein:

Picard: "Number One, I'm pretty sure you can't take a number two there."

Riker: "But it is the poop deck, sir."

 

[Defcon]

Chekov: Captain, you won't believe where Sulu parked the Enterprise this time.

 

[Rat Boy]

Chekov: "Yes, Admiral, the pattern was indeed full, but he did it anyway."

 

[Diesel Micky Dolenz]

Chekov: Admiral, there may have been a problem vith Mr. Spock's calculations.

 

[Shatmandu]

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: Nuclear vessels? Sorry chaps no idea. Can't say I know of a country called Nuclea.

CHEKOV: Keptain, I tink ve are in trouble.

 

[Jptrekker]

Thanks Rat Boy for the win and Shatmandu for the inspiration!

and now for something most likely less inspired...

I swear to you, number one, we will harpoon a Grignak, and we will harvest it's expensive and delicious eggs!

 

[Jptrekker]

Keptin, tell Sulu we've found a place where he'll fit right in!

 

[LeadHead]

Chekov and Uhura finally found the Nuclear Wessel, sadly they were too late since with Bay Bridge Traffic it took 3 weeks to reach Alameda.

Picard: Number One, Deanna crashed the ship into the docks.
Riker: Don't worry Sir, I'll never let her drive again.

 

[Shatmandu]

Riker: "Deanna would like to come aboard, sir."
Picard: "You know Starfleet Regulation, Number One: 'Gas, Grass, or Ass; Nobody Rides for Free.'"

Chekov: "Ve have decided to stay, Keptin. I vill sell the marijuana and my old lady here vill turn tricks."
Kirk, filtered: "Fuckin' San Francisco!"

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

"Aye Keptin, we must have altered history. It's 1941, and there is a nuclear wessel commanded by Kirk Douglas parked at Pearl Harbor. I could handle that, but it's the pterodactyl hovering over the landing deck that's blowing my mind!"

These are the voyages of the sailing ship Enterprise, it's never ending mission, to seek out new islands in the South Pacific, spread new STDs and immorality, to boldly sell ice cream where no ice cream has been sold before.

 

[Shatmandu]

Chekov: "Ve called the city 'Frisco' and they made us leave ..."

 

[Rat Boy]

Chekov: "Admiral, ve have found a nuclear wessel."

Uhura: "Uh, Pavel, do nuclear vessels have smoke stacks?"

Chekov: "Oh dear God, no! It's a radiation leak! Quick, Uhura, ve might as vell enjoy vhat few hours ve have left before ve die of horrendous radiation..."

Kirk: "It's a diesel-powered carrier, you moron!"

Aubrey: "Do you want to see a guillotine in Piccadilly? Want to call that raggedy-ass Napoleon your king?"

Picard: "Who invited him?"

 

[Defcon]

 

[Rat Boy]

Riker: "Sir, why are you wearing your assless chaps here?"

Picard: "Haven't you noticed it's warm? I like to let my cheeks breathe in weather like this."