Movie Caption Contest #209: "Hard To Explain"

[Mr Silver]

Hey all, despite what I said in the last thread about needing more entries until I make a new one - I've decided to ignore that after reviewing what we already have. With that said, it's time to recognise...

For revealing the moment Chekov was caught in the act of industrial espionage...

Apple Inc. Security Forces: Sir, you will hand over the prototype iPhone 5. NOW!!!!

The award for boundaring between metafictional characters and breaking the fourth wall goes to...

Kirk: Damn the action hero "too late to save the doomed family member" clause!
Klingon: Could you hurry up and shoot me? I'd like to get this over with as soon as possible.

The photoshop award for revealing the old ultraviolence that is about to meet Picard and Kirk goes to...

ALEX: Ho, ho, ho! Well, if it isn't fat stinking billy goat Billy Boy in poison! How art thou, thou globby bottle of cheap, stinking chip oil? Come and get one in the yarbles, if ya have any yarbles, you eunuch jelly thou!

PICARD: Doctor Soran????

And now it's time to recognise the bonus winner (I'll get a special avatar or something soon!)

The Real Story Behind What Spock Was Looking At In His Viewer...

Tour Guide: "Now here we have Mr. Spock's station. It was from here that he spent countless hours posting to his Spacebook page and surfing porn."

Well done to all the winners! This contest...

Kirk and Chekov work on figuring out exactly where Chekov was the first time, before they run into Khan again...

A junior officer tries desperately to persuade Troi to change the shield frequency modulation...

And Data wonders why he and the Captain are making physical contact with something emitting dangerous amounts of radiation...

Bonus!!

​

 

[Herkimer Jitty]

Chekov (with great shame): "Keptain, these uniforms... were inwented in Russia."

Junior Officer: "Sir, a duplicate Captain Picard has just arrived on deck 10 and claims he's from the future and we need to stop Soran."

Troi: "That makes too much sense. He must be an impostor."

Riker: "Agreed. Space the impostor.

Data: "Phallic subtext. Intriguing, Cap-"

Picard: "Shut up and enjoy the moment."

Data: "Nice shootin', Tex."

Worf: "Sorry."

Data: "Well, there goes my love life."

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Koenig: "Ohh! These new uniforms are very uncomfortable when sitting down!"
Shatner: "They're not much better standing up! Jeez, and I thought they called him Robert Wise for a reason!"

 

[SeerSGB]

Security Officer (thinking): Must not look, must not look, must not look
Troi: Ensign, I sense that you're under a lot of emotional strain. Is there a problem?
Security Officer: Why of course not Counselor Knockers...Uh..I mean..Counselor Iwantomotorboatem...uh Troi...SHIT!

Kirk: So you and Illia
Chekov: Yeah.
Kirk: And?
Chekov: No words, should have sent a poet
Kirk: Dude, I'm surprised you're still walking

 

[LeadHead]

Chekov: Sir, Airlock 4 has been opened. A Thruster Suit is reported missing.

Kirk: That's my dinner date. Damn it. Bring her back here!

Troi: I was thinking of taking the helm, but it looks like I could do a lot more damage here.

Data: I am detecting imperfections in the Titanium Casing...

Picard: Yeah, she's been a bad girl hasn't she?

​

King Arthur: Now stand aside, Worthy Adversary.

Black Knight: Tis but a Scratch.

King Arthur: A Scratch? Your Arms off!

Black Knight: No it isn't.

King Arthur: What is that then?

Black Knight: I've had worse.

King Arthur: You lie!

Black Knight: Come on you pansy.

Moments Later...

King Arthur: Victory is mine! We thank thy Lord, that in thy Mercy. Ow!

Black Knight: Have at you! Come on then!

King Arthur: You are indeed brave, Sir Knight, but the fight is mine!

Black Knight: Oh, had enough eh?

King Arthur: Look, you stupid Bastard, you've got no arms left!

Black Knight: Yes I have.

King Arthur: Look!

Black Knight: It's just a flesh wound.

(Sorry, I couldn't resist)

 

[inflatabledalek]

Kirk: Would you like to hear me sing "Rocket Man"?

Troi: Wow, so it took you four years of hard, dedicated command track training just to make ensign? You should have just done what I did and suck off the first officer, you'd be a commander by now.

Ensign: I did. He demoted me afterwards.

Picard:Something I've always meant to ask you Data, Tasha used to say that whenever she saw a picture of the Phoenix she thought of you, any idea why?
​

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The Ensign from two caption contests ago finally had enough of cheap jokes being made at his expense and threw the arm away...

 

[BriGuy]

Kirk: Chekov, why haven't you fired the torpedo?
Chekov: Sir, I'm not trained on this equipment. I can't find the button!
Kirk: ... come to think of it, neither am I...
Decker (os): ... oh for the love of... MOVE!

Junior officer: Sir, you have to get her away from me. Counselor Troi has been sexually harassing me for weeks. She grabbed my crotch twice in the turbolift last week alone.

Picard: As smooth on the outside and hard on the inside as an android's...

Data: Do not go there, captain.

And half the Trek audience hopelessly addicted to Internet porn winced in pain... the other half cried.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Riker (OS): "Keep your eyes open. This probably won't be the last one we see. These trails are frequently used by Orion arms smugglers."

 

[Kirby]

Shatner: In about thirty years I'm going to have a talk show. I want you to be on it. Lose the wig...

Troi: When I'm piloting the ship, which of these controls will land the ship?
Junior officer: Like I told you yesterday Counselor, this is the Tactical station. We don't fly the ship from here.
Troi: So....?
Junior officer: Up front, ma'am.

 

[inflatabledalek]

Shatner: They recast us?!?!?!?!?!?!

Troi: What is it Ensign?

Ensign: Bad news Sir, we're about to run into a shameless rehash of the destruction of the Scorpio in the last episode of Blake's 7!

Troi: That can't be all bad can it?

Ensign: Yes it can, despite the fact we're a big budget movie made in 1994 the crash landing the BBC achieved with no money back in 1981 will actually be more impressive!

Troi: Dear God, no!

Ensign: Yep, they had the sense to set it at night, which hides a lot of the flaws and makes it look less like a model crashing into the side of a toy steam railway set landscape.

 

[TiberiusMaximus]

Hostile Alien (OS): Halt or be exterminated!
Data: There is no need to be confrontational. I come in peace. As you can see, I am unarmed.

 

[Alrik]

Thanks for the Win Admiral M!

Data: "I can not make out what it says, Sir."

Picard: "Data, it's not braille, they're called rivets."

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: Do you smell bacon?

DATA: That would be your hand, sir. This object is 300 °F

 

[Balrog]

Even androids can masturbate too much...

 

[TigerOfDarkness]

Shatner: This seems awfully familiar... The Doomsday Machine?
Koenig: Umm... the Immunity Syndrome maybe?
Shatner: Got it! The Changling

 

[Balrog]

Kirk: Mr. Chekov? That music, what are they saying?

Chekov: Hey, hey! Ve're da... Monkees?

 

[Balrog]

Troi: I'm a counsellor. I just passed my Command Test. I can pilot a starship... Sooooo... Watcha doin'?

Ensign (thinking): Good God I hate my life...

 

[Balrog]

PICARD: It's a boyhood dream of mine, Data. I must have seen this ship a hundred times in the Smithsonian but I was never able to touch it.... Still, not as cool as getting my picture taken in the original Batmobile at Comic Con last year...

 

[Finn]

Data: Tasha would have loved this.

 

[Maurice]

SHATNER: And since it's the 70s, I don't have to shave my chest!
KOENIG: They plucked the gray ones on mine.
SHATNER: Shit!

DATA: Is this what the TrekBBSers call "starship porn"?"

PICARD: Merde! For the last time, "lend me a hand" isn't meant literally!