Movie Caption Contest #100: Hall of Fame Game

[Rat Boy]

Well, without further ado, let's move on to the 100th Movie Caption Contest. Before we get on to the festivities, let's first close the book on #99 by honoring...

For proving that one shouldn't get between a Klingon and his raktajino, our winner is...

Klingon Flunky, scared shitless: Sorry sir, we're out of coffee.

Klingon Captain: WHAT!

For explaining why you shouldn't show up your boss on the first day of the job, our winner is...

KIRK: "Ah, Mr. Sonak, good to see you here. I trust you're ready to assume your duties on the Enterprise?"

SONAK: "More than ready, sir. I have familiarized myself with the ship's blueprints and specifications quite expertly, to the point where I am sure I could run the ship myself if I had to."

KIRK: >politely chuckling< "Well, let's not get ahead of ourselves, Mr. Sonak. It takes more than that to run a ship, and--"

SONAK: "Of course, Admiral. I was one of the top graduates in my class, and I regularly run command and landing party simulations. Also, I have intensely studied your log entries from when you were in command of the Enterprise. By using them as a reference guide, I'm certain I could avoid the same mistakes you made as commanding officer and thus become a superior leader and overall better representative of the Federation."

KIRK: "Superior... to me?"

SONAK: "Naturally, Admiral. I doubt it will prove to be as much of a challenge as some think. I'll see you on-board." >He turns to walk away, then stops, and faces Kirk again< "Oh, and I would like to give you this, Admiral." >Hands him the padd< "It's a detailed list of all the grammatical errors you made in your logs. It should considerably improve the clarity and professional appearance of your reports."

KIRK: "Oh... thanks."

SONAK: "You are quite welcome, sir. I will see you shortly." >He walks away, leaving Kirk to stare after him for a moment<

KIRK: >Opens communicator< "Kirk to Scott, come in..."

SCOTTY: "Scott here, sir."

KIRK: "Scotty, I think it's time to arrange another transporter 'accident'."

For Shatner not paying close attention to some of the things that had changed over the years, our winner is...

Shatner: "So, once I told Gene, and you'll love this, that Jimmy was a bit player, and shouldn't have that many lines...crap, sorry, I didn't know it was you with the moustache..."

For finding the one person who actually liked the TMP uniforms, our winner is...

"These new crotchless uniforms are great! I give'em a 9.5!"

A special tag-team win for invoking Earth's greatest war hero (after a fashion)...

Kirk: "Men, you're lucky men. Soon you will all be fighting for the Federation. Many of you will be dying for the Federation. A few of you will be forced through a fine mesh screen for the Federation. They will be the luckiest of all!"

Kirk: It's a desolate, ugly little planet with absolutely no natural resources or strategic value. Questions?
Crewman #1: Why is this Godforsaken planet worth dying for?
Kirk: Don't ask me, you're the one who's going to be dying.

Obviously, this last picture screamed disco and for forcing us to relive the 70s, our winner is...

McCoy: "Being an expert at doing The Hustle doesn't mean I'm gay."
Kirk, singing, shuffling feet: "Doot-doot-doo doo-doot doo-doot doo-doo ..."

Lastly, our Photoshop winner for bringing back an old favorite...

Time to dust this off...

Klingon Captain: Ahh... I see that you've met McCoy's Ass-Rubbing Clone™

Congratulations to our winners and here are our updated totals:

Candlelight (Hall of Fame) 43
Nerys Myk (Hall of Fame) 42
cooleddie74 (Hall of Fame) 32
Shatmandu (Hall of Fame) 26
Gertch (Hall of Fame) 25
The Laughing Vulcan (Hall of Fame) 22
Triskelion 18
Outpost4 16
Turd Ferguson 15
middyseafort 14
Diesel Micky Dolenz 14
Nebusj 11
scottydog 11
DS9Sega 11
EliyahuQeoni 10
zephramc 10
BriGuy 9
LeadHead 9
Kegek 8
cultcross 7
Tharpdevenport 7
John_Picard 6
Atavachron 6
Herkimer Jitty 6
Alrik 6
Skywalker 6
SciFi75 5
Finn 5
The Cutest of Borg 5
CaptainJon 4
Haggis and Tatties 4
NCC-1701 4
Defcon 4
Kirby 4
jptrekker 4
Bad Atom 4
Peach Wookie 4
TheGallifreyanSith 4
Mistral 4
Sisu 3
David_Leese 3
archerguy1701 3
Starpaul20 3
ancient 3
chancellorjake 3
captain crow 3
J. Allen 2
Arthur Frelling Dent 2
Lloyd_Dobbler 2
nil_jones 2
OphaClyde 2
Gagarin 2
casey 2
Redshirts Widow 2
Cky 2
thedude 2
Daneel 2
cardinal biggles 1
Vasquez Rocks 1
Valin 1
Nathan_Heller 1
Guartho 1
Alyssa 1
A beaker full of death 1
rmkwebdesign 1
Starlock 1
Admiral Garak 1
Broccoli 1
Mister.Woof 1
The Squire of Gothos 1
A Chimpanzee & 2 Trainees 1
battrekker 1
DrBob 1
Sector7 1
USS Mariner 1
hmbnimbus 1
S'Kai 1
H F Mudd 1
dukesman 1
Fire 1
Super Grover 1
Johnnyracefan 1
SciFi75 1
jongredic 1
BriGuy 1
26138 1
Toban Kal 1
trilbymonkey 1
Will 1
Captain Mike 1
Civil Shadow 1
Piper 1
T'Boggan 1
Dimesdan 1
shivkala 1
Deranged Nasat 1
KirkusOveractus 1
CTM 1

As befitting this centennial, we're going to be doing things differently. I've called upon the six members of the Movie Caption Contest Hall of Fame to lend a hand for the occasion. They (well, almost all of them) have selected the pictures this week and they (hopefully) will be judging the winners. Yep, yours truly will be taking the role of just your average contestant this time around, though I'll be judging Photoshop winners. Now then, let's start with the contribution of the newest member of the Hall of Fame, The Laughing Vulcan, which continues poking fun at our favorite moustached engineer:

Next, our good friend Gertch offers the easiest target of the TNG films for humor, Worf:

Next, we have the logical offering from everyone's favority, Shatmandu:

Since a certain somebody didn't get back to me in time, I made an executive decision and brought back a caption contest favorite for the persistant cooleddie74 to judge:

Resident Photoshop king Nerys Myk brings us this live target, just waiting for the above depiction of Sulu or McCoy's Ass-Rubbing Clone to join the party:

Lastly, the king of the Movie Caption Contest, Candlelight, bridges the generation gap with this picture:

Now, one more detail before I let you all loose. I'll be going on vacation for a week starting this Saturday, so this contest will run for two weeks instead of one. A reminder to our celebrity judges: PM me your pick for the winner by midnight Pacific time on Sunday, July 19th so I can announce them with the start of the next caption contest. Good luck, and remember, everyone, you're not just sucking up to me this time!

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "Shame on you, Scotty. Blaming your nephew for farting."

Scotty: "Aye. I hope the lad doesn't carry grudges for a long time."

Worf: "What? All I said was that I thought Sisko pulled off the bald look better."

Computer: "What would you do for a Klondike Bar?"

Spock: "Beat McCoy to death?"

Computer: "CORRECT!"

Kirk: "Sulu! What did I tell you about doing that to the guards after you had your way with those Romulans?"

Kirk: "Welcome aboard, Chancellor. If you have any questions, feel free to ass...ask, I mean ask!"

Soran: "Look, let's settle this like sensible men. Whoever's loogie makes the biggest noise when it hits the bottom of the canyon wins."

 

[Shatmandu]

This contest is going to be EPIC.

Scotty: "Aye, your bidet has been installed."

Picard: "I know you Klingons are filthy savages, but please do not mark your territory on this new Enterprise, unkay?"

Computer: "Why do you take so much time in the bathroom?"

Sulu: "Thanks to the liberal Federation legislature, I'll now be able to claim the Marlboro Man here as a dependent on my taxes."

Gorkon: "Odd that my crew is generally young while yours is uniformally old and bulging."

Kirk: "You couldn't have dreamed up a couple of phasers before we came here? How about a friggin' ax? Maybe a sharpened pencil? <aside, bitter> Pansy."

 

[SeerSGB]

Stewart: So this is the scene where we...uh...you know.
McDowell: Yeah...sigh...is this going to take long I have a audition.
Shatner: Fuck it, I'm going to go get wasted and laid who's with me?

Slipping Sulu Klingon aphrodisiacs in his Romulan ale was a bad ideal.

Damn e-bay snipers, now I'll never get a complete set of "Lost In Space" action figures.

 

[Shatmandu]

Computer: "Who put the 'Bomp' in the 'Bomp-Shoo-Bomp-Shoo-Bomp'?"

Computer: "Why did the Mugato's footprints look just like the giant rabbit's tracks from Shore Leave?"

Computer: "Who on your former crew has Commander Uhura not had intercourse with?"
Spock: "Scotty."
Computer: "CORRECT!"

Computer: "Do Vulcans wear underpants under their robes?"
Spock: "Negative."
Computer: "CORRECT!"

Computer: "Has the murderer of T'Pring ever been apprehended?"
Spock, hint of smile, raises head slightly: "Negative."
Computer: "CORRECT!"

 

[Rat Boy]

Gorkon: "Look, I'm sorry about dinner. We Klingons do not know that you humans don't have vomitoriums on starships."

Kirk: "Oh, no problem. The way Uhura goes some times, it makes you think we should start putting them in. Am I right?"

*crickets*

Frakes: "Tough little ship."

Dorn: "Little?"

Frakes: "And by 'ship,' I mean 'penis.'"

*Dorn jumps Frakes and beats him mercilessly*

Frakes: "CUT! CUT! FOR GOD'S SAKES, CUT!"

 

[Kirby]

Computer: "What is your favorite color?"
Spock: "red.... no wait, I mean blue..... ahhhhhhhhhh"

Computer: "Watch these 165 episodes of Star Trek Voyager and identify all plot holes, cannon violations, overuse of time travel and lazy writing."
Spock: "Oh, sh**"

 

[Herkimer Jitty]

Gorkon: "Odd that my crew is generally young while yours is uniformally old and bulging."

Kirk: "Well, that's the Cold War for ya - err, - cold... space war... ah, forget it."

 

[Rat Boy]

Computer: "How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?"

 

[Candlelight]

I'm already voting me as the winner so there's really no contest...

Kirk: "Why Sulu... this asian ensign here looks a lot like you did when you were in that alternate reality that hasn't happened yet"
Sulu: "What?"

"Mr Worf, why are you holding hands with Beverley?"

Computer: "Why were you smiling on Talos IV?"
Spock: "Shut up"
Computer: "CORRECT"

"Look Bones, Sulu has that guard in an arm hold and by no means in a sexual way"
"Betcha this'll be the only post this week that doesn't 'go there', Jim"

Kirk: "It is customary on leaving a Federation starship to shag the delegates, so I'm gonna pick the guy with the ZZ-Top beard. C'mere gorgeous"
Chekov (to himself): "Damn, I vanted him"

Kirk: "When you said go back and stop Soren I thought you meant back in 10-Forward and simply arrest him"
Picard: "Oh... yeah that would've been better.... shit hole it..."

 

[Herkimer Jitty]

Kirk: "Mr. Scott, that's the worst John Cleese impression I've ever seen."

Worf: "Doctor Crusher and I have... eloped."

Dax: "Worf, how could you? I thought we had something special!"

Picard: "Worf, how could you? I thought we had something special!"

(everyone looks at him)

Picard: "What? Why do you think I wear assless chaps, have a hole in my chair and have Worf stand behind me?"

T'Bonz: 'Your TrekBBS account has been suspended for trolling'

Spock (Typing): "Fuk U, Nazi."

Sulu: "This... isn't what it looks like."

Kirk: "Sulu, all you're doing is putting a security guy in an armhold."

Sulu: "Yes... armhold..."

Gorkon: "Thank you for the hot, oily, crew-on-crew orgy, Captain."

Spock: "I do not recall said event, Captain-"

Kirk: "Curious stuff, that Romulan Ale."

 

[Skywalker]

Picard: "Well, Mister Worf, it seems you and Doctor Crusher are very happy together."
Worf: "Sir, I protest! I am not a married man!"

 

[Candlelight]

Picard: "Mr Worf, we could use your help at tactical"
Ensign Ricky (off camera): "What? He's been on the ship ten seconds and you're giving him my post? And what do you mean 'need help'??!? Am I a retard or something?? Hello? Is anyone even listening to me?"

 

[Rat Boy]

McCoy: "On second thought, I think I liked it better back in my cell."

 

[Skywalker]

McCoy: "Sulu!"
Sulu: "Doctor!"
McCoy: "How we doin'?"
Sulu: "Same as always."
McCoy: "That bad, huh?"

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

I've been outta commission for awhile, moving from San Diego to the Bay Area, but I'm back. Thanks for the win, btw, on Caption Contest #98. Can't believe this is 100!

Scotty: Ah had a wee bout, but Doctor McCoy pulled me through.
Kirk: A wee bout on what?
McCoy: Prescription pills.

Scotty: Ah had a wee bout, but Doctor McCoy pulled me through.
Kirk: A wee bout on what?
McCoy: Thai ladyboys.

And on more on this thought:

Scotty: Ah had a wee bout, but Doctor McCoy pulled me through.
Kirk: A wee bout on what?
McCoy: Japanese helmsmen.
Sulu: Oh, my!

Worf: Once again, my head DOES NOT LOOK LIKE A FANNY!

Spock: If memory serves, this is where the other Vulcan boys attempt to elicit an emotional reaction from me.
Computer: Correct.

Kirk: You know, there's a sexual harassment policy being broken here, but we're about to steal a starship so fuck it.

Gorkon: So when does the blood orgy begin?

Soran: Once again, I'm stuck between a rock and a cock.

 

[Daneel]

Alright, a win! Thanks! It's strange, though... that picture of Kirk and Sonak would occasionally disappear from my screen -- actually, it wasn't there when I first clicked on this thread, so I couldn't even look at it as I basked in the glory of my winning caption.

Anyway... on to the new round.

It was at that moment that Worf finally understood the meaning of the age-old question, "Where will you be when your diarrhea comes back?"

-(C'mon, it's the 100th contest... someone had to bring that one up.)

COMPUTER: "Why is there a planet at the edge of the galaxy named Delta Vega and a completely unrelated planet of the same name in the Vulcan system?"

SPOCK: "Canon violation."

COMPUTER: "CORRECT."

Kirk, with his inflatable McCoy doll, walks in on Sulu during a very private moment with a security officer.

KIRK: "I didn't see nuthin' if you didn't see nuthin', Sulu."

KIRK: "Spock... how exactly did you decide on our pairings for tonight's dance again?"

SPOCK: "I used logic, Captain -- as always."

KIRK (sighing):"Of course you did."

SORAN: "I'm sorry Kirk, but I just don't see it."

PICARD: "I'm afraid I don't either, Captain."

KIRK: "What? I'm positive it's there, let me look closer... Dammit, where is it? I'm telling you, it should be beside those orange-coloured stones, on that big, phallic-shaped rock -- right before I defeated the Gorn, I wrote 'Kirk wuz here, bitches!' Some nature-loving asshole must have wiped it off! Humph! Some people... no appreciation for history!"

 

[Candlelight]

Spock: "What the- 'Please contact my system administrator'? FUCKING WINDOWS VISTA!"
Computer: "CORRECT"

 

[Herkimer Jitty]

(Techno-industrial music starts)

Star Trek Generations: The Interprative Dance.

 

[nil_jones]

Scotty: Uh, Admiral, don't you think Dr. McCoy would prefer you do that in his quarters, sir?

Kirk: Mr. Sulu doesn't seem to mind.

Crusher: Captain, Deanna...Worf and I would like to make an announcement. About two weeks ago, I took a test, and found out I was...

Worf (thinking): Today IS a good day to die.

Spock: So, you're telling me, all I have to do is make a star go Uber-nova and destroy Romulus, drive a Romulan miner all bat shit crazy, accidentally go back in time, damage the timeline even further with knowledge of the future, and so forth...but I get to make it with Uhura?

Computer: CORRECT.

Spock: ...fascinating.

Kirk: Mr. Sulu, that's not why we call him Bones.

Sulu: Are you sure? Because I think I found something.

Kirk: Is that a giant bone you're holding onto, or are you just happy to see me?

Spock: I believe it's a giant bone, sir.

Gorkon: Can't it be both?

Soran: I'll do it! I'll jump!

Picard: Well, go on then.

Soran: I'm serious! I'll do it!

Kirk: Let's see it, pussy.