money as wedding presents

[RoJoHen]

Weddings are incredibly stupid in the first place and the whole gift giving thing is equally bizarre.

Weddings can be incredibly fun, and I think they should simply be treated like big parties.

I really don't understand the idea of registering for gifts. I doubt that many these days are starting from scratch. They probably don't need a whole lot. I am single and live alone, and if I got married tomorrow, there really woudn't be a single thing that I need.

 

[CaptainHawk1]

Weddings are incredibly stupid in the first place and the whole gift giving thing is equally bizarre.

Weddings can be incredibly fun, and I think they should simply be treated like big parties.

I really don't understand the idea of registering for gifts. I doubt that many these days are starting from scratch. They probably don't need a whole lot. I am single and live alone, and if I got married tomorrow, there really woudn't be a single thing that I need.

And this is the whole point. This isn't the 1950's. The whole idea of the gift registry is what's gauche to begin with. When I got married both my wife I were already established because we were 28 and 27 respectively not 22 and 21, like my parents were.

We specifically requested cash or gift cards and didn't even waste our time with a registry. We weren't rude about it and we explained why we were doing it. Seriously, WTF am I going to do with a toaster oven or a Kitchen Aid mixer set of Wedgewood China. If you want to help a couple getting married nowadays, give them a little cash to help pay off their credit cards or make it so they don't have to use credit cards on their honeymoon.

Another thing about gift registries: they suck. Half of the time you're getting duplicates and returning them because the store's system is screwed up, the clerk is dope and doesn't take an item of the registry or the person buying the gift forgets to tell the clerk. My experience with this comes from 1.) Working in bridal registry in department store back in the day and 2.) personally dealing with the stupid things as a parent. More often than not, registries are more trouble than they're worth.

 

[WillsBabe]

I've often wondered about the whole asking for gifts thing at weddings. It has occurred to me in the past that if the bride and groom hadn't spent so much on the wedding and honeymoon they'd have had enough money to kit out their own home themseleves. But maybe that's just me.

 

[TheSeeker]

My wife and I had a bit of a hard time with it, but we ended up asking for money at our wedding. It made a lot of sense for us because while we got married back home in Canada we were (and still are) living in Romania, so it would have been quite problematic for us to deal with a lot of presents.

Personally I have no problem with people asking for money.

 

[Miss Chicken]

When my nephew got married in Adelaide he asked the Tasmanian relatives who were attending to give gift cards from Bunnings (nationwide hardware store) so that we would not have to cart presents to Adelaide for the newlyweds. I think he must have received about $800 in gift cards from us. He had recently moved into a new house and used the gift cards to buy a lawnmower and a couple of other things for the garden.

 

[FPAlpha]

If there's no registry at some shops or if i don't know the couple well i'd opt for a gift voucher from a big electronic store.

These stores have household appliances as well as entertainment electronics so you have many bases covered.

Other thing is if the wedding is happening in a different country than the couple actually live in.. better not force them to rent a truck to carry all their presents so cash would be the way to go then.

 

[Nerdius Maximus]

Cash is the best gift you can get for a wedding. Because of cash gifts, we were able to enjoy our honeymoon without having to ask ourselves questions like "Is this restaurant going to be too expensive?" or "Should I really buy this tacky souvenier?" Gift cards are the second best option. Fortunately for us, we got all the stuff on our registry, plus about a thousand bucks in gift cards, and a ton of cash. Some of her rich chinese relatives sent us a check for 10 thousand dollars! If that's "tacky," then you can call me tacky anyday. We bought a kickass tv and still had over 8 grand left!

 

[Nerdius Maximus]

Weddings are incredibly stupid in the first place and the whole gift giving thing is equally bizarre.

Weddings can be incredibly fun, and I think they should simply be treated like big parties.

I really don't understand the idea of registering for gifts. I doubt that many these days are starting from scratch. They probably don't need a whole lot. I am single and live alone, and if I got married tomorrow, there really woudn't be a single thing that I need.

And this is the whole point. This isn't the 1950's. The whole idea of the gift registry is what's gauche to begin with. When I got married both my wife I were already established because we were 28 and 27 respectively not 22 and 21, like my parents were.

We specifically requested cash or gift cards and didn't even waste our time with a registry. We weren't rude about it and we explained why we were doing it. Seriously, WTF am I going to do with a toaster oven or a Kitchen Aid mixer set of Wedgewood China. If you want to help a couple getting married nowadays, give them a little cash to help pay off their credit cards or make it so they don't have to use credit cards on their honeymoon.

Another thing about gift registries: they suck. Half of the time you're getting duplicates and returning them because the store's system is screwed up, the clerk is dope and doesn't take an item of the registry or the person buying the gift forgets to tell the clerk. My experience with this comes from 1.) Working in bridal registry in department store back in the day and 2.) personally dealing with the stupid things as a parent. More often than not, registries are more trouble than they're worth.

My wife looked at it like this: She's 30, and has given a shitload of gifts to all of these people for their weddings over the years. It was time to pay up! We got a bunch of nice new stuff and gave a bunch of old stuff to goodwill.

 

[Rii]

Weddings are incredibly stupid in the first place and the whole gift giving thing is equally bizarre.

This.

 

[Captain Shaw]

I heard of couples where they set up a bank account and people just deposited money in that went towards the honeymoon.
They did not check to see who was putting money in and who wasn't and they did not go round checking the amount.
That way people who did not have much money did not feel embarrass.

 

[LaxScrutiny]

It's not the giving of money that I find tacky, but the asking for it.

Exactly.

Actually, it's tacky to even mention gifts of any kind when inviting people to a party (even if gifts are traditionally given).

And contrary to common belief, if you have a gift registry, you are not supposed to enclose a little card with the invitation directing your guests to it. However, you may tell people about it if they ask.

Ideally someone else in the family, mom perhaps, should be working in the background setting up the registry or calling people up and chatting and suggesting just to send money.

If not a close relative like mom (she's not alive, not sane, not on the same continent) then get a close friend who is sensible and social.

I've often wondered about the whole asking for gifts thing at weddings. It has occurred to me in the past that if the bride and groom hadn't spent so much on the wedding and honeymoon they'd have had enough money to kit out their own home themseleves. But maybe that's just me.

Couples can be tacky and treat a wedding like winning a lottery. Not saying it dosn't happen. But primarily weddings are for the families, the proud parents in particular. When my mother-in-law was dieing of cancer, my wife's sister and her boyfriend accelerated their wedding plans so that mom could enjoy it. It was increadibly touching, but also a lesson in why we have weddings and who they are really for. Weddings are about family. If you are just going to elope and go to city hall then that is when I would say why bother.

 

[Marc]

When my nephew got married in Adelaide he asked the Tasmanian relatives who were attending to give gift cards from Bunnings (nationwide hardware store) so that we would not have to cart presents to Adelaide for the newlyweds. I think he must have received about $800 in gift cards from us. He had recently moved into a new house and used the gift cards to buy a lawnmower and a couple of other things for the garden.

This brings up another point - should there be an expectation of wedding gifts from people who've had to travel for the wedding - I don't mean say a couple of hours drive and a night in a hotel - but when you've had to fly from one state to another (yes there are dirt cheap airfares but they don't always fit the schedule and you end up paying full tote odds).

 

[JiNX-01]

It's not the giving of money that I find tacky, but the asking for it.

Exactly.

Actually, it's tacky to even mention gifts of any kind when inviting people to a party (even if gifts are traditionally given).

And contrary to common belief, if you have a gift registry, you are not supposed to enclose a little card with the invitation directing your guests to it. However, you may tell people about it if they ask.

Ideally someone else in the family, mom perhaps, should be working in the background setting up the registry or calling people up and chatting and suggesting just to send money.

If not a close relative like mom (she's not alive, not sane, not on the same continent) then get a close friend who is sensible and social.

I've often wondered about the whole asking for gifts thing at weddings. It has occurred to me in the past that if the bride and groom hadn't spent so much on the wedding and honeymoon they'd have had enough money to kit out their own home themseleves. But maybe that's just me.

Couples can be tacky and treat a wedding like winning a lottery. Not saying it dosn't happen. But primarily weddings are for the families, the proud parents in particular. When my mother-in-law was dieing of cancer, my wife's sister and her boyfriend accelerated their wedding plans so that mom could enjoy it. It was increadibly touching, but also a lesson in why we have weddings and who they are really for. Weddings are about family. If you are just going to elope and go to city hall then that is when I would say why bother.

Actually, immediate relatives should do the same as the bride and groom. Offer gift suggestions and information only if asked. In most instances these days, people will ask when they RSVP -- that is, IF they RSVP -- whether the couple is registered anywhere.

And immediate family members should never host the bridal shower (or baby shower, when the time comes). Those are events that should be handled by friends.

As for bridal couples treating the big event like they just won the lottery...
1. No, the guests are not obliged to give you at least as much $$ as you spent to feed and entertain them. The guests are not to blame for your inability to restrain your self-indulgence.

2. No, the guests are not obliged to finance your honeymoon. Or your first 6 months of mortgage payments. Or that kick-ass $2,000 flat-screen TV.

And for future reference: No, friends and relatives and distant acquaintances are not responsible for sending your kids to college.

 

[Sledder]

It's not the giving of money that I find tacky, but the asking for it.

Exactly.

Actually, it's tacky to even mention gifts of any kind when inviting people to a party (even if gifts are traditionally given).

And contrary to common belief, if you have a gift registry, you are not supposed to enclose a little card with the invitation directing your guests to it. However, you may tell people about it if they ask.

I disagree, I find it very convenient and not at all rude to include a little card with details of the registry. Otherwise I have to go out of my way to find out this sort of thing and I don't often know the parents of my friends well enough to give them a call to find out where someone is registered.

I appreciate it when that information is included in the invitation.

 

[CaptainHawk1]

Actually, immediate relatives should do the same as the bride and groom. Offer gift suggestions and information only if asked. In most instances these days, people will ask when they RSVP -- that is, IF they RSVP -- whether the couple is registered anywhere.

And immediate family members should never host the bridal shower (or baby shower, when the time comes). Those are events that should be handled by friends.

Says who???

 

[DBR]

Wedding registries are infinitely more tacky than cash.

 

[JAG]

This brings up another point - should there be an expectation of wedding gifts from people who've had to travel for the wedding - I don't mean say a couple of hours drive and a night in a hotel - but when you've had to fly from one state to another (yes there are dirt cheap airfares but they don't always fit the schedule and you end up paying full tote odds).

We had a number of people from out of state at our wedding. I told everyone of them that came, that their gift to us was their presence at the wedding. Some listened, some did not.

 

[DanTheGrey]

My wife and I just went for cash simply because I had a house, fully furnished, she had stuff that she had bought in anticipation of buying a house so we had duplicates. We were both fully employed and could buy whatever we needed.

The only reason we did "presentation only" was to avoid people getting us physical items that would have possibly been unused and simply taking up space.