You are not alone. Ultimately, everyone does, in that way... just in different manifestations. Thousands of years ago it may not have been as such, based on theories behind village mentality. Not that I'd necessarily want a time machine to verify, but there's enough conclusively known that, if I had ever tried showing my ex, he'd not have believed it for a while and then finally realize it and blow up in anger over his wasting so much of himself in, though given treatment he was given by others, he already figured some of it out... Now that I'm thinking of it, I'm speaking in partial riddles that also digress. The point was, some people who become exes make me apologize for vermicular lifeforms* they are compared to, since worms contribute far more to healthy ecology than that trash. But I digress again. The point is, it hurts right now but it does get better via the passage of time. But the early months can sting, depending on criteria. And both metaphorically and/or literally depending on criteria too.
* sorry, using the standby of "Commander Data mode"
As was indicated in a later post, there are some advantages to running one's life without the convoluted intricacies involving implied direct sexual contact. A lot fewer worries in some ways, too. But that becomes a far bigger digression, which no amount of penicillin can fix.
Try looking for breathing and other exercises online to help stop panic attacks. I have (free) apps called Evolve, Sanvello, Happify, and Finch (but there are many more) that help one learn them. They've been helping me a lot, as has daily meditation.
