Mental Wellness Support Group

[Nakita Akita]

As I age, the more I think everything about being spectrumy, that in my youth everyone would've considered faults in my personality, primarily because we didn't even know anything about spectrum shit back then... they're actually some of the rarest & most special traits a human can have, almost like superpowers, which others have lamented similarly.

Like social awkwardness for example... Is it really always a disadvantage? I mean, without ever even knowing what my deal was, I've spent decades educating myself on social norms & honing some skills for interactions, because even without having a name for it, I knew what was going on with me.

Mostly I like to lean on comedic influences, because if you're social interactions are going to be odd anyhow, one solution is to be entertaining. Making someone laugh is a really fast & sloppy way to ease social awkwardness in itself. So I've studied & used that a good deal. It's a topnotch strategy

However, sometimes social awkwardness is maybe one of the craftiest weapons a person can have in their arsenal, because let's face it, some people are itching to be put in check. They exploit the fact that others won't want the awkwardness of having to confront them. However, I've been in so many awkward encounters, that I've become accustomed to it...

You know how some comics say they actually like when their jokes bomb, because they enjoy the challenge of having to apply their skill to win the crowd back? It's like that. I actually relish the uncomfortable exchanges now, because I'm not the one put off by it anymore. The other person is... & that's a kind of leverage.

Quick example: At work, I haul carts around on elevators, & people always try to push into the elevator, while I'm trying to unload, too inconsiderate to bother with some basic etiquette. So now, I stand pressed right up to the door, so that when it opens, at least a couple times a week, I'm face to face with someone, who thought they could barge in, & I just stare at them until they step aside, because it's awkward to have me silently all up in your personal space, but I'm not the one at fault, & they now have to accept that lol

It's the same when I'm moving a 900lb cart down a hall, & chattering D-Bags don't want to clear the way. I just park it right next to them, smile & watch them chat, like I'm in on their private conversation. I don't excuse myself in any way, because I need no excuse, & they are, in short order, sufficiently put off by it & move.

Those are just tiny things. I'm doing more & more of it lately, & it's become a fun little hobby... fucking with people who deserve it. The person who just doesn't give a shit about whether they're being likable has a real advantage there. In a way, I've become like a Zen master of being an asshole.

Sounds like a lot of the things I've done and still do. It all sounds good to me

 

[rhubarbodendron]

^to me, too Staring people down can be a lot of fun and one gets better with practize. It takes me only a few seconds now to make people keep corona-distance. And in the worst case I cough a bit so that they get scared of an infection

 

[Nakita Akita]

^to me, too Staring people down can be a lot of fun and one gets better with practize. It takes me only a few seconds now to make people keep corona-distance. And in the worst case I cough a bit so that they get scared of an infection

As someone with hellish hay-fever symptoms all year round, I'm always coughing sneezing, runny nose and watery-eyed.
To hell with CV virus, I look like I have bubonic plague coming on!

 

[rhubarbodendron]

LOL, that keeps people at a distance, at least
I discovered that I am apparently allergic to aluminium nose clips: my nose and cheeks are lobster-red. Thank havens nobody sees that under the mask. I switched to pipe cleaners now to give my sensitive skin a pause.

Has anyone experience with Paroxetin? I started to take it a month ago, am still slowly rising the daily dosis, and the side effects are rather strong, particularly trembling hands and restless-legs-syndrome. I'd like to know whether they stop after a while or whether I must learn to live with both.

 

[fireproof78]

LOL, that keeps people at a distance, at least
I discovered that I am apparently allergic to aluminium nose clips: my nose and cheeks are lobster-red. Thank havens nobody sees that under the mask. I switched to pipe cleaners now to give my sensitive skin a pause.

Has anyone experience with Paroxetin? I started to take it a month ago, am still slowly rising the daily dosis, and the side effects are rather strong, particularly trembling hands and restless-legs-syndrome. I'd like to know whether they stop after a while or whether I must learn to live with both.

I do not but it sounds like extra-pyramidal side effects which can happen with some medications but is usually more rare with SSRIs, which Paroxetin appears to be. I would suggest calling your prescriber and see.

 

[Obsidian7]

I've been having some me time and trying to be a good friend to myself.

Tried to make some new online friends over the past few months but keep stumbling into a pattern of s****y treatment. Not willingly though. I know my worth but clearly some people didn't. Even in a so called supportive environment.

I'm getting quicker at spotting the warning signs and feel less guilty of protecting my energy. I'm just not willing to chase anyone anymore. Tired of hot and cold behaviour, competitiveness, and people thinking that they can use my kindness to push their own selfish agenda.

Everyone deserves better and there's nothing wrong with that. I'm aware that the ptsd can make me avoidant. That wasn't the case here. I genuinely want to reach out and build new friendships on the road to recovery from narcissistic abuse. There's stuff that I just won't tolerate anymore. In a funny way, it was a super power this time around.

Also... I've been working through the three year timeline of narcissistic abuse in my mind. I've come to a better understanding of who played certain roles in a 'drama triangle.' Especially how things unravelled when I removed myself from the equation.

The first noisy neighbour played the victim role in the end. The narcissistic environmental health department were in the process of trying to evict him. Although I reckon he was fighting that decision. I'd removed myself from the situation for a month and couldn't be manipulated. They couldn't keep me in a holding position and feed off my ptsd triggers.

I honestly believe that they'd have dragged out the 'rehousing process' like they'd done with the noise abatement order and the threat of eviction. The first noisy neighbour obviously didn't want to be caught between a rock and a hard place and abandoned the property.

The second noisy neighbour became a new source of drama. He'd caught up with the first noisy neighbour and vandalised a door. I'm glad that I wasn't there because it would've triggered me so much.

I learned that the first noisy neighbour was scared of him. Of course, that's a perfect reason to be rehoused and avoid eviction. The narcissistic environmental health department played the rescuer to the first noisy neighbour and new 'victim.'

When I returned after a month, the roles had switched again. The second noisy neighbour was the new source of drama, I was the victim again, and the narcissistic environmental health department played the rescuer again.

It's funny to realise that the narcissistic abusers played a victim role in the end. They couldn't use a source of ongoing drama without a victim to play off of that. (Or to manipulate us both.) I'd gone no contact with them at that point. So, they created a new problem via dog fouling and rallied the support of my neighbours to 'fix it.' They went from protecting a troublemaker to turning on them in the end. This was all in another effort for them to look good.

This lockdown has helped me to process and heal different thoughts and anxities. It's a slow process but I'm learning to move into a better space now.

 

[fireproof78]

This lockdown has helped me to process and heal different thoughts and anxities. It's a slow process but I'm learning to move into a better space now.

Like I like to say to my clients "You didn't get hear overnight and you won't leave here overnight." Congrats on the progress!

 

[think]

 

[think]

 

[think]

OK? this is funny right?

 

[rhubarbodendron]

My online therapist is ill (I hope it's not corona - in her vicinity was a major outbreak) but left me a lot of material for reading and practizing. There are soe really good ideas how to stop yourself from thinking in circles. I'll try 2 of them:
1) a think-book. I write down my thoughts in a notebook and then read through them and analyze them to see where I start going in circles. I find a better alternative for the respective thought so that it leads me in a different direction. Next time I start on the topic that leads me into circles, I try the new thought.

2) when you find you can't stop thinking and your thoughts get uncontrollable, eat a very hot chilie. The shock distracts you and rips you out of the circle-thought.

Method 2 is quite unorthodox but ingenious

 

[think]

so I am seeking a therapist --- hopefully for childhood trauma therapy. there is a place by my apartment - that is very zen about everything .. and jungian and stuff like that so yeah. they do trauma and adult children of alcoholic type abuse things. --- I have been going to the ACA meetings this morning was the 50th ACA meeting = adult children of alcoholics and dysfunctional families yeah that is a common problem for me-- the partying parental units they I had.-- I will call the therapist place for intake a little bit later.. we will see. what is up--we have been playing phone tag but yeah it is ok- they take my insurance big plus right? yeah that is like so dag cool they take my insurance and do teletherapy too!!! just wow.. so close I can go or stay home. depending right? yeah I hope this works out.. It should

 

[Nakita Akita]

My online therapist is ill (I hope it's not corona - in her vicinity was a major outbreak) but left me a lot of material for reading and practizing. There are soe really good ideas how to stop yourself from thinking in circles. I'll try 2 of them:
1) a think-book. I write down my thoughts in a notebook and then read through them and analyze them to see where I start going in circles. I find a better alternative for the respective thought so that it leads me in a different direction. Next time I start on the topic that leads me into circles, I try the new thought.

2) when you find you can't stop thinking and your thoughts get uncontrollable, eat a very hot chilie. The shock distracts you and rips you out of the circle-thought.

Method 2 is quite unorthodox but ingenious

Eat enough and it'll help out the next day too!

 

[think]

this may lack some form of mindfulness but yeah--- it is OK to be without thought.. as long as you know that --- I think

 

[KimMH]

so I am seeking a therapist --- hopefully for childhood trauma therapy. there is a place by my apartment - that is very zen about everything .. and jungian and stuff like that so yeah. they do trauma and adult children of alcoholic type abuse things. --- I have been going to the ACA meetings this morning was the 50th ACA meeting = adult children of alcoholics and dysfunctional families yeah that is a common problem for me-- the partying parental units they I had.-- I will call the therapist place for intake a little bit later.. we will see. what is up--we have been playing phone tag but yeah it is ok- they take my insurance big plus right? yeah that is like so dag cool they take my insurance and do teletherapy too!!! just wow.. so close I can go or stay home. depending right? yeah I hope this works out.. It should

I hope this will work out for you!

 

[think]

I hope this will work out for you!

I did Intake and stuff the supervisor will assign me to a therapist in the next 2 weeks mmmm maybe one week. but he can reject me or say there are no openings it is all administration stuff so I am thinking I am going to be picked up by a therapist there it is one town over and the right kind of therapy -- I will keep everyone updates and talk about that ---

 

[KimMH]

Crossing fingers for you.

 

[rhubarbodendron]

^so do I!
If it doesn't work, can you get an online therapy as I do?

My therapist will be ill for an indefinite time. I'm a bit worried as in her vicinity there was a major corona outbreak. This morning her substitute called me. She seems to be very nice and I think we'll get along. I'll have my first session with her Tuesday next week.

 

[think]

OMG --- Just out of therapy. --- first session 1.5 hr's ago.. at ten am-- next session is thursday at 10 am-- so great --- I am going to brag now about my therapist

she is a government certified - catastrophic events and disaster = therapist like 911 stuff-- she has trauma certification and alcohol drug certified and a social worker too. she was also recommended by a good friends dr therapist --- get this she takes my insurance too!!! OMG-- OMG--

therapy today was me listing the things in my life that might qualify me for trauma therapy but really I think of them is just you know everyday things. in most kids lifes.. -- like racing away from the drug dealer having stolen all his drugs --- as he and his friends shot bullets at mine and my mom's car.. getting told to duck down and watch for bullets --at 11 years old --- I am like this is normal everyday things. the therapist is like aaaaa no.. or like me doing moms heroin she left in the cooking spoon next to her bed as she was passed out --- because I wanted the cough syrup and then spending a week in the hospital getting enimas 4 times a day -- yeah for a week and then more time out of school or maybe longer-- right.. just normal childhood events --- so we talked for about 50 minutes 5 minutes over-- I can only imagine what she was thinking but the therapist said there were similar thing about in the world that she is helping some people work thru--

It was, all and all, very good session-- happening- today, just before-

 

[think]