I'm at work, falling asleep, not enough to do ATM... which explains why I'm lurking on the TrekBBs. I seldom visit anymore - and even more rarely post. However, a topic does comes to mind...
Loving a Large Woman.
Background: I was married many years ago to a young lady who could have passed for a super model. 20 years old (I was 30), thin, played in an orchestra, spoke 2-3 languages, blue eyes, long blond hair, scary-funny and GORGEOUS!
Skipping ahead - I was single for 20ish years, I created profiles on many single/datings sites, MySpace and Facebook. I didn't feel ready to 'scrap the bottom of the barrel' and was pretty content to be single (I was going through the motions of finding someone to appease family and friends).
For the most part, nibbles, but no real responses. No dates came from it.
Now, I'm a decent looking guy, good social skills, good job, raised to be a gentleman at all times, and still.. nothing (I know, THAT was my problem - I'm a nice guy). That said, less than two years ago I received an email notice from MySpace from a woman I met briefly at college YEARS ago. She sent me a photo from college days and I recalled thinking she was quite a cutie - and in good shape. However, looking at her MySpace account showed she was now a large woman.
Not a day passed that we didn't talk, email, or chat in some form or another. Occassionally, I tried to push her away, but she was patient, not pushy and I slowly grew to know a strong-willed, intelligent, resilient, joyful, funny, lovely woman more each day. We lived hours apart, so the relationship grew in spiritually, emotional and intellectually areas.
Now, I didn't have ill feelings toward overweight people - no "I'm better than you" mentality, BUT, I'd said for YEARS I wouldn't date/marry someone who was big.
I had good reasons (or so I thought):
1). I struggle with weight myself, and I wanted someone who could help me in this area, not make matters worse.
2). Health reasons, if I finally found someone I loved - I wanted them to be around for a LONG time - and being overweight generally dimishes, and shortens life.
3). People who are overweight tend to be so because of shortcomings in other areas of life. Or at least, it is part of a group of problems they have (emotional, spiritual, physical, etc).
I also had fears:
1). I consider myself to be healthy sexually, and I assumed being that overweight would kill sex drive.
2). Body aroma.. nuff said
3). I had NO IDEA how to make things work with a body that big - does everything/anything FIT?!
4). Actually, a few other fears similar to the above.
Having said all that... I pursued the relationship and after a year of being CLEAR I wasn't interested in being more than friends - she won me over and we are HAPPILY married. Now the reason for this post. Here is what I wish someone would have told/convinced me of about a year ago. Mind you, I SEARCHED for articles, heck, I even searched this site and p0rn sites, but never got what I wanted - solid answers to real questions.
As far as my 'good reasons' go:
1) You have to be able to help yourself, period. If you are going to over-eat - you can do it surrounded by thin people or fat - they aren't your problem - you are.
2) We all know plenty of 'healthy' people who keeled over from an accident, heart attack, or some other unforseen illness. Weight might increase factors - but we all know plently of overweight old people.
3) I also know plenty of messed up thin people! In her case, she'd had a lot of crap thrown her way and she coped with it ALL VERY WELL.. however, it did take a toll on her weight - stress can do that. She's now slowly loosing some of the weight due to our GOOD relationship (but I love her either way)!
Now to the nasty FEARS!
There is no nice way of discussing some of this, so here goes...
1). I've not noticed a waning in the area of sexual appetite. In fact, compared to my marriage to a young, thin, agile woman - we are happy and having plenty more 'fun'.
2). Skinny people can smell, too. A person's weight does not change whether they like to take care of themselves. Personally - I've found I have very little complaint in this department. Actually, she probably tells me to clean up 10 times more than I've ever had to.
3). SEX! My nephew said this well, albiet, crudely a few years ago, "It all feels the same in the dark". I hate the sound of that - but really... it's TRUE. I'm supposedly only slightly above average (no sex stories here, plz), and things work JUST FINE. The first time (we were married), I worried, but ya know... it's all good! Neither of us have complaints!
The bottom line is, from a confirmed bachelor who had a healthy sex drive and not only have visions of super models in his head - had enjoyed it first hand... DON'T LET SOMEONE'S WEIGHT TURN YOU AWAY FROM PURSUING A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP. There may be OTHER issues, but don't let THAT stop you from what could be the best thing in your life.
This brings to mind one of those pseudo-inspirational posters. It showed a absolutely stunning young woman, (lacking clothing, of course) looking seductively at the camera. Underneath the image was this inspirational phrase, "No matter how great she looks right now, someone, somewhere is tired of putting up with her sh-t". Funny and TRUE! Skinny and Magazine beautiful does NOT necessarily equal happiness. Trust me...
Have questions? Ask away...
Loving a Large Woman.
Background: I was married many years ago to a young lady who could have passed for a super model. 20 years old (I was 30), thin, played in an orchestra, spoke 2-3 languages, blue eyes, long blond hair, scary-funny and GORGEOUS!
Skipping ahead - I was single for 20ish years, I created profiles on many single/datings sites, MySpace and Facebook. I didn't feel ready to 'scrap the bottom of the barrel' and was pretty content to be single (I was going through the motions of finding someone to appease family and friends).
For the most part, nibbles, but no real responses. No dates came from it.
Now, I'm a decent looking guy, good social skills, good job, raised to be a gentleman at all times, and still.. nothing (I know, THAT was my problem - I'm a nice guy). That said, less than two years ago I received an email notice from MySpace from a woman I met briefly at college YEARS ago. She sent me a photo from college days and I recalled thinking she was quite a cutie - and in good shape. However, looking at her MySpace account showed she was now a large woman.
Not a day passed that we didn't talk, email, or chat in some form or another. Occassionally, I tried to push her away, but she was patient, not pushy and I slowly grew to know a strong-willed, intelligent, resilient, joyful, funny, lovely woman more each day. We lived hours apart, so the relationship grew in spiritually, emotional and intellectually areas.
Now, I didn't have ill feelings toward overweight people - no "I'm better than you" mentality, BUT, I'd said for YEARS I wouldn't date/marry someone who was big.
I had good reasons (or so I thought):
1). I struggle with weight myself, and I wanted someone who could help me in this area, not make matters worse.
2). Health reasons, if I finally found someone I loved - I wanted them to be around for a LONG time - and being overweight generally dimishes, and shortens life.
3). People who are overweight tend to be so because of shortcomings in other areas of life. Or at least, it is part of a group of problems they have (emotional, spiritual, physical, etc).
I also had fears:
1). I consider myself to be healthy sexually, and I assumed being that overweight would kill sex drive.
2). Body aroma.. nuff said
3). I had NO IDEA how to make things work with a body that big - does everything/anything FIT?!
4). Actually, a few other fears similar to the above.
Having said all that... I pursued the relationship and after a year of being CLEAR I wasn't interested in being more than friends - she won me over and we are HAPPILY married. Now the reason for this post. Here is what I wish someone would have told/convinced me of about a year ago. Mind you, I SEARCHED for articles, heck, I even searched this site and p0rn sites, but never got what I wanted - solid answers to real questions.
As far as my 'good reasons' go:
1) You have to be able to help yourself, period. If you are going to over-eat - you can do it surrounded by thin people or fat - they aren't your problem - you are.
2) We all know plenty of 'healthy' people who keeled over from an accident, heart attack, or some other unforseen illness. Weight might increase factors - but we all know plently of overweight old people.
3) I also know plenty of messed up thin people! In her case, she'd had a lot of crap thrown her way and she coped with it ALL VERY WELL.. however, it did take a toll on her weight - stress can do that. She's now slowly loosing some of the weight due to our GOOD relationship (but I love her either way)!
Now to the nasty FEARS!
There is no nice way of discussing some of this, so here goes...
1). I've not noticed a waning in the area of sexual appetite. In fact, compared to my marriage to a young, thin, agile woman - we are happy and having plenty more 'fun'.
2). Skinny people can smell, too. A person's weight does not change whether they like to take care of themselves. Personally - I've found I have very little complaint in this department. Actually, she probably tells me to clean up 10 times more than I've ever had to.
3). SEX! My nephew said this well, albiet, crudely a few years ago, "It all feels the same in the dark". I hate the sound of that - but really... it's TRUE. I'm supposedly only slightly above average (no sex stories here, plz), and things work JUST FINE. The first time (we were married), I worried, but ya know... it's all good! Neither of us have complaints!
The bottom line is, from a confirmed bachelor who had a healthy sex drive and not only have visions of super models in his head - had enjoyed it first hand... DON'T LET SOMEONE'S WEIGHT TURN YOU AWAY FROM PURSUING A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP. There may be OTHER issues, but don't let THAT stop you from what could be the best thing in your life.
This brings to mind one of those pseudo-inspirational posters. It showed a absolutely stunning young woman, (lacking clothing, of course) looking seductively at the camera. Underneath the image was this inspirational phrase, "No matter how great she looks right now, someone, somewhere is tired of putting up with her sh-t". Funny and TRUE! Skinny and Magazine beautiful does NOT necessarily equal happiness. Trust me...
Have questions? Ask away...
I've never noticed problems with sex in my life (and yes, I am a fatty 
