Lines you'd have liked to have heard in TATV.

[ChristopherPike]

Intercom: "Crewman Moonves to waste extraction. Crewman Moonves to waste extraction, please."

Mayweather: "Trip blew himself up? GET-THE-FUCK OUTTA HERE!"

End credits squeeze to one side
Announcer: "That was the last episode of Star Trek Enterprise, but don't worry Kiddos next week we've got some much better role models for you. UPN proudly brings you Britney & Kevin..."

 

[Colonel Green]

Troi: Just so you know Will, this simulation was completely fictional. There was no NX-01, so its "adventures" have no actual bearing on canon...er...history.

 

[Guy Gardener]

What about the NX-01 Dauntless from Voy Hope and Fear?

 

[cooleddie74]

TRIP:"Why do I have the eeriest feelin' I need to be updating my Starfleet will?"

TROI:"This program sucks, Will. Let's go back to Data's quarters and watch Spot lick herself instead."

 

[commodore64]

Braga: This is my valentine to fans.

Oh, wait. I got that!

 

[Guy Gardener]

The events from These are the Voyages which overlapped with the Novel the Good that men do, states differently to the show, that Trip "died" on February 14.

Archer "Get me some Binoculars! I want to see Daniels talking me into giving the Xindi fair shake before I tried to blow up Azati Prime."

 

[cooleddie74]

BERMAN AND BRAGA:"Yes. We know. It sucked ass. Sorry."

 

[bluedana]

Any member of the cast: This is BULLsh*t!

 

[Guy Gardener]

Deanna: Will, why do you look so old and fat today? Have you got space herpies again?

 

[Samuel T. Cogley]

RIKER (turning to look directly at the camera): "And that's why you've never heard of them."

 

[commodore64]

Guy Gardener said:
The events from These are the Voyages which overlapped with the Novel the Good that men do, states differently to the show, that Trip "died" on February 14.

You mentioned the book, so I'll give my opinion. I've read some crummy ENT Star Trek novels, but Mangels' mangled books seem to take the cake in my opinion right up there with the ENT book that has the characters playing Dungeons and Dragons. Mangels had Archer and Reed arguing over the torture of a prisoner -- basically Anomaly without being interesting.

The Good That Men Do was an AU as far as I could tell. I didn't recognize really any of the characters and the plot seemed preposterous.

As for the date, since it's a book, it's not considered canon. Not to rile -- it's just a Trek factoid. I loved Entropy Effect (believe that's the name of the TOS book), but that isn't canon either. Nor is Yesterday's Son, which if I remember correctly was Spock's son with Zarabeth. I thought that was rather entertaining.

About the valentine comment -- Branon did say that TATV was intended to be a valentine, and it had nothing to do with the date Trip bit the dust. He genuinely thought Trekkies would be happy with it. And apparently Trekkies liked it well enough to vote for it as one of the ENT favs. Take that as you will. I personally thought the ending was fine -- not great, not awful.

 

[Guy Gardener]

of course not. Mangles and friend were taking the piss. There's an actual date given during "These are the Voyages" which wasn't Valentines day. And I agree all the Enterprise Novels I have read have been complete drivel, but that one about Dungeons and Dragons was the worst. When I was 8, D&D was a just a excuse to talk about naked lady vampires, so what was the point on Enterprise?

Will: "Captain Picard, I didn't have the stones to tell you the truth about what's really going on with Pegasus, so I've spent the last 9 hours playing in the holodeck ignoring my duties while the Romulans continuously thought about destroying us."

Picard "You're fired."

 

[Captain X]

Dude, someone needs to post that flash cartoon.

 

[Odon]

Riker (looking at T'Pol and Hoshi in decontamination, rubbing gel over each other's lithe naked bodies): "What idiot invented biofilters?"

Troi: "They didn't have counsellors in those days, because people could state the obvious themselves."

Troi looking at Archer: "Don't you think his frequent beatings were due to subconscious masochism?"

T'Pol to Riker: "Why are you suddenly acting like a debonair ladies man?"

Riker: "Come on, admit it. The designers of the Akira class vessel stole it from the NX-01. Didn't you?...eh..eh..?"

Riker: "I need to know which root you prefer."
T'pol: "Shut up and cook."

Hoshi to Riker/Chef: "CARROTS!"

Troi: "Captain Archer..." (holodeck arch appears).
Riker: "Dammit computer, will you stop that!"

Riker asks what the word 'ass' means, as it's no longer used in the year 2370. T'Pol demonstrates by way of the Vulcan Bum Pinch.

In an overdue acknowledgement that homosexuals exist in the Star Trek universe, Riker asks Reed if he's ever been attracted to Trip. But as no homosexual was ever seen in the Star Trek universe the scene is removed for continuity reasons.

Archer looking at plan of Rigel trading post.
Archer: "My God, it's full of bars!"

Riker to MACO: "What's with the bird poop on your uniform?"

Riker to Worf: "Why don't your security people have cool guns like those MACO's?"
Worf: "It is a long story. And we do not discuss it with outsiders!"

T'Pol tells Trip she will miss him...about once every seven years.

Trip (dying): "Where the hell were the damned MACO's? Where the hell were the damned MACO's? Where the hell were the damned MACO's? Where the hell were the damned MACO's? Ughhhhhhhhhhh....."

T'Pol's final comment as Archer walking away to receive the acolades of the new Federation.
T'Pol: "Nice ass."

Federation President: "I'm sure you all wish to acknowledge the man responsible for ensuring that your diplomatic, defense, ethical, and exploration policies are dictated by humans for centuries: Jonathan Archer!"
Alien delegates: "BEAT THE BASTARD UP!"

 

[Guy Gardener]

You obviously haven't seen DS9 Rejoined where the Borg Queen makes out with Jadzia Dax, or DS9 Rules of Acquisition where Jadzia has a conversation with a convincing transvestite about her gay love for for Quark because Jadzia doesn't know she is talking to a woman as casually as anyone else would talk about the weather.

Archer "You can make more children, I'm going to earth."

 

[MrPointy]

Guy Gardener said:
You obviously haven't seen DS9 Rejoined where the Borg Queen makes out with Jadzia Dax.

Dammit Odon, that's a 20-page fic right there and you haven't even touched it!

Oh sorry; my bad.

Trip - "Dammit T'Pol, that's a 20-page fic right there and you haven't even touched it!"

 

[commodore64]

Guy, I used to play D&D, but I would like to think the characters of the 22nd century are cooler than me.

I thought What Price is Honor was the best of the ENT books. I'm not a huge Reed fan, but it was interesting. And the Broken Bow book wasn't too shabby either.

 

[Trekwatcher]

UPN: You are renewed for another 3 seasons!

 

[cooleddie74]

CONNOR TRINNEER: I die how? That's it. Fuck the rest of you guys. I'm going to Tahiti with my wife. Don't call me for the next two months.

SHRAN: My daughter is the pride and joy of my life. She's my personal tool I vicariously live through.

HOSHI: Great. I just got my new assignment. Translating for deaf-mute blind kids on the far side of the Moon.

 

[Guy Gardener]

Mayweather: Oh so the white guy gets screwed over in one episode and it's boo hoo, how unfair... I got 4 lines in the hole of that season! My names in the Credits, I'm supposed to be a star but Tuckers Frankenstien doll had more screen time than I did... Berman doesn't like black people."