Lines from fiction you yearn to say in earnest.

[Emher]

i have genuinely used the line "your powers are weak, old man."

Guilty

ah, but did you use it after someone made a reference to the Force?

i did.

Nah, can't say I have. I think it was my cosuin showing off and saying something along the lines of "what this!" and then failing horribly. Insert line

I once said to a UPS pick up guy ... "

…modern bombs don't tick. But, when a package vibrates, then you gotta call the police. Nine times out of ten it's an electric razor, but every once in a while... [whispering] it's a dildo. Of course it's company policy never to, imply ownership in the event of a dildo... always use the indefinite article a dildo, never your dildo."

it came up in conversation. He didn't get it. Then my boss was left with trying to explain my warped sense of humor.

First; he works for UPS ~ he's not going to get anything but the parcels and an address to deliver them to.

Second; How did it come up in conversation? I don't usually dally dildos around in my everyday conversation but...

Third; I love the way you left your boss to deal with it

Good call ~ and not to the police

Dude was picking up some stuff to deliver. He and my boss was discussing ... something and he joked about "I hear it ticking. Maybe it's a bomb."

And, of course, I had to counter with "most modern bombs don't tick..."

The dildo part of the quote was just a bonus.

That is awesome! I hope I can remember that one if I'm ever in the same situation.

 

[captcalhoun]

i'm sure i told this story before, but wth...

i was a media student in college. we had a new head tutor for the third year, and one thing he'd clued in on pretty f'ing quick was me being a SF nerd (the trek combadge pin helped) and so, one day about a week in to the term, i had to ask him for a spare camera battery, cuz our filming was going to take a while and the one we had was about half-charge. the technician blooke was out, so tutor was going to unlock the door in to the tech's room to let me get a battery, only - still being new - he was having trouble sorting out which of the 11ty jillion keys he had was the one to open the damn door.

after 3 failed attempts, he turns to me and says 'use the Force, eh, Scott?' with a smirk.

he tries the fourth key and, of course, it failed to work.

i just stared at him and said completely deadpan, 'your powers are weak, old man.'

course, he then got the right key next try...

 

[Nowhere Man]

I often use,"this is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass." I work at a resturaunt, things are said

I also use, "you can't send the chinaman a bill, dude." Both are usually in the same context of getting screwed over.

I also find myself saying,"You don't fuck with the Jesus man." Also in the same context. Most of it in good fun, but sometimes...

I would love to be able to say, "I got two guns, one for each of you."

I use this all the time, " I don't trust anything that bleeds for seven days and doesn't die."

 

[tharpdevenport]

Oh, I can't think of any that I wanted to use, that I haven't already.

Why, just a month ago I got to quote Spike from a BTVS episode:

"It's a rock. I can't wait to tell all my friends -- none of them have a rock this big."
(which the girl loved)


And at least twice or more a year I find it easy to work in: "You've have better chances playing Pick-Up Sticks with your buttcheeks."

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

From WarGames:

"G**dammit, if I thought it'd do any good, I'd piss on a sparkplug!"

"I don't have to take that from you, you pig-eyed sack of shit."

 

[Tora Ziyal]

Star Wars is brilliant for that sort of thing. One line from it I've repeatedly used:

"You must do what you think is right, of course", complete with appropriate Alec Guinness impersonation.

Good line. I can hear it being used in a therapy session.

There..are..four..lights!

Ive used that one a few times.

I don't think I've had the chance to say it to anyone else, but I definitely think it when I check my modem.

 

[Emher]

I'd love to use the following:

"Let me put this as...monosyllabically as I can: I don't much care for this crew you hired" -Captain in Treasure Planet.

 

[Holdfast]

From the new Sherlock: "I'm a high functioning sociopath. Do your research." Just to raise a few eyebrows...

Have used that one myself already.

In almost exactly the same context, too (minus the murder investigation).

And another narcissitic sociopath's line that I've used myself:

"You might very well think that; I couldn't possibly comment".

Years ago I dressed as a Jedi for halloween and headed to a party. When our car was stopped at a road block, I leaned across the driver , waved a hand and told the officer "These aren't the drunks you're looking for".

"Get the fuck out of here" was his reply.

 

[Alidar Jarok]

I often use,"this is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass." I work at a resturaunt, things are said

Go with Waiting. "You know we should feel guilty, but she broke the cardinal rule. Don't fuck with people that handle your food."

 

[DeafPoet]

I've been waiting my entire life for a natural, organic set-up for "It's true. This man has no dick." It's harder to come by than you would think.

 

[Venardhi]

"There are no men like me, only me."

 

[Rett Mikhal]

I've been waiting my entire life for a natural, organic set-up for "It's true. This man has no dick." It's harder to come by than you would think.

I slip in Ghostbusters quotes on a regular basis. "Light is green [subject] is clean." "Important safety tip, Egon."

One of my favorites was in context, even! I was walking to class with my fellow engineering students. We were testing our prototype potato guns for a project. All of them were stuffed in our backpacks quite obviously.
"I hope campus police doesn't stop us."
"Why worry? Each of us is wearing an unlicensed potato accelerator on his back." Nailed it.

However, one I've never been able to use, but always wanted to, is the classic:

"I'll sue your ass for wrongful prosecution!"

Ah, Venkman. That's all I had to know about law, right there in that sentence.

 

[tharpdevenport]

I think I actually managed to use "fuckstick" (from "Bad Santa") one time, but I can't find ways -- yet to work in other quotes from it.

 

[Amaris]

"Oh, man, that's hot. There isn't a man alive who wouldn't be turned on by that. ...well, bye!"

 

[RandyS]

"If you were any other man I would kill you where you stand!"

I would love to deliver that some day.

I did once......and got laughed at.

Mine would be:

"KHAAAAAN!!!!!"

 

[Silvercrest]

There..are..four..lights!

Ive used that one a few times.

There's a room in my parents' house with five lightbulbs in a row, but one of them has been burnt out for a long time. I'm not sure if there are four lights or five.

Last week my work partner and I were inventorying photography equipment and I got to tell her, "There ... are ... four ... lights!" I only did it because she's a Trekkie and I knew she'd get it, though.

But I looked again a minute later, realized I'd miscounted, and told her, "There ... are ... five ... lights!"

I think Madred broke me.

 

[Asbo Zaprudder]

"I'll be in my bunk."

 

[The Boy Who Cried Worf]

THIS IS CETI ALPHA 5!

Unfortunately I'll probably have to wait at least a few thousand years before an opportunity arises.

 

[Emher]

"I'll be in my bunk."

I have used that one a few times

 

[1001001]

I've been waiting my entire life for a natural, organic set-up for "It's true. This man has no dick." It's harder to come by than you would think.

I slip in Ghostbusters quotes on a regular basis. "Light is green [subject] is clean." "Important safety tip, Egon."

One of my favorites was in context, even! I was walking to class with my fellow engineering students. We were testing our prototype potato guns for a project. All of them were stuffed in our backpacks quite obviously.
"I hope campus police doesn't stop us."
"Why worry? Each of us is wearing an unlicensed potato accelerator on his back." Nailed it.

However, one I've never been able to use, but always wanted to, is the classic:

"I'll sue your ass for wrongful prosecution!"

Ah, Venkman. That's all I had to know about law, right there in that sentence.

I have said to a few employees over the years...

"Someone with your qualifications would have no trouble finding a top-flight job in either the food service or housekeeping industries."