Liking someone and reading the signals...

[Warped9]

In the past I think I've generally been terrible at reading the signals of whether a woman has any potential interest in me. It's probably a common enough problem among men, although I'm sure it's not unknown among women too.

The trick, of course, is being able to discern whether someone likes you as "just a friend" or if there is potential for more. Discerning that distinction more clearly would go a long way in avoiding wasted time and effort as well as clearly seeing the "go" signal to explore the possibilities further.

I think it's safe to assume that many about here have experienced similar difficulties as myself. Some may have learned how to read signals more clearly: for those I'd hope they could share some of their insight and experience with those of us continuing to struggle.

 

[Jetfire]

A few times I was unaware a female liked me until they came to me and told me. Or it took a dozen people saying "She really likes you alot...ask her out already..." I cannot read the signals at all really.

 

[Scott Delaney]

I'd like to hear any answers to that as well. In my experience, the women I've been interested in have pretty consistently either consciously or subconsciously kept the signals confusing. It's almost as though they haven't wanted me to figure it out too quickly, though I can't imagine why. Some just wanted to be friends, others wanted more, still others didn't know. None of them were particularly clear from the start - I always had to man up and risk rejection by eventually addressing the issue directly.

Anyway, as I said, I'd be interested in hearing any answers out there.

 

[iguana_tonante]

I just take it for granted that everybody likes me.

 

[Warped9]

I just take it for granted that everybody likes me.

You know, I think there's some wisdom in that.

"What? You don't like me? What's the matter with you? Everybody likes me."

 

[Jetfire]

I think everyone hates me...



It makes someone liking me that much more exciting.

 

[Emher]

Well I know I'm crap at it. Really it's the best advice I think can be given to women from men:

We are daft. We are crap at taking hints. We don't enjoy figuring out everything for ourselves. Just tell us if you like us.

 

[Goji]

I imagine it's easier to read signals when you are not constantly surrounded by psychotics. Maybe someday I will have an opportunity to test this theory.

 

[Emher]

You're assuming you'll escape being surrounded by psychotic people. I have yet to accomplish this.


And no, ladies, I don't mean you. I mean people in general.

 

[Goji]

That's why I said "maybe". That's as optimistic as I get.

 

[Emher]

Good man. Keep your wits and words about you and all shall be...maybe not well, but a damn sight better then otherwise.

 

[Warped9]

A case in point. Well, perhaps two cases.

Recently, about two months ago, I moved into a new community when I transfered to a new position within the company I work for. During that time I've met a host of new people in my new place of employment as well as within the new town. Out of the host of new people I've met are two women that may or may not be on my radar so to speak.

The first is a coworker whom I first perceived as rather withdrawn and a bit enigmatic. Over the past two months I'm slowly beginning to get a sense of her character. She has a dry wit, works very hard, and she's evidently a long way from home and not a local resident. I don't find her unattractive, but she isn't the first one I'd notice according to my usual tastes. Initially I dismissed her as someone of potential interest but only recently I'm not so sure, because I'm not sure whether I'm getting some sort of signals from her. I'm beginning to wonder whether her usually withdrawn demeanor may be the way she deals with most people, particularly at work, yet every now and again a warmer and more approachable side arises. I'm also aware of the fact that she, too, may also feel somewhat out of her familiar element in a new job, surrounded by strangers (while I have family here) in a new and unfamiliar town.

The second woman is a local resident who turns out to be a manager of the nearby local Starbucks. She is almost 180 degrees from the first woman. This second girl is openly friendly with a very sunny disposition. She seems so full of energy. I thought she was rather cute before but this past week she got herself a rather stylish short hairstyle that really suits her and I couldn't help but sit up and take notice. I'm finding myself thinking about this woman and looking forward to chances to go to Starbucks to see and talk with her. Truth is, of course, that at this point I know little about her beyond her name and that she's not wearing any type of rings upon her fingers, which I know doesn't really mean anything.

Each woman presents something of a dilemma. The coworker, if she actually does have me on her radar, may well be quite guarded about expressing herself given her general character, her new surroundings and the fact that we are coworkers (I must add that we do have a married couple working in our store). The Starbucks lady, on the other hand, appears so openly friendly to all that it could be a challenge to discern whether she's responding to my expressions of interest or just being friendly to a new acquaintance.

HELP!

 

[MetalPants]

My last girlfriend solved the problem of 'signals' by one day coming up to me, grabbing my crotch, and saying "I want this."

 

[Warped9]

My last girlfriend solved the problem of 'signals' by one day coming up to me, grabbing my crotch, and saying "I want this."

Wouldn't it make life much simpler if humans were more like what can be seen on the Discovery channel?

 

[sidious618]

I used to be like this. I was interested in this girl but I had no idea if she liked me or not. It was incredibly frustrating and eventually I got so frustrated I just said, "Fuck it, I'll ask her out." I didn't do it because I had balls or something but just because I was tired trying to figure it out. Turned out she had a boyfriend (whom she is now, at 20, engaged to) so it was a no go but I don't for a minute regret asking.

 

[Kestra]

While there may be some "signals" that show interest of a sexual nature, generally no two people are alike and each expresses interest differently. If you think someone may be interested in you, or you are interested in them and fairly sure they don't hate you, just let them know about your own feelings. Ask them out, whatever.

Yeah, in a perfect world we'd have big flashing signs that said things like "I prefer women," "I'm not interested in anything except a serious relationship," "I'm a huge flirt and it doesn't mean anything more than that," "I think you're sexy and I can't wait to get into bed with you," or "You seem like a nice guy and I'd be interested in getting to know you better."

Okay, maybe that's not a perfect world. I think part of the fun is the nervousness and uncertainty. Anyway, the point is that there is no way to be certain and someone's got to make educated guesses and put themselves out there first. Be brave and express your true feelings if you need to. There's no magical sign that's going to show up saying "I'm ready! Ask me out now!"

 

[ShamelessMcBundy]

My last girlfriend solved the problem of 'signals' by one day coming up to me, grabbing my crotch, and saying "I want this."

I will remember this. Sounds easy enough.

 

[RJDiogenes]

Men and women ask each other all the time. It's not like it's some arcane, secret activity that people should be embarrassed about. Just ask. The answer will be No in most cases, but that's life in the big city.

 

[Mr Awe]

I've found, using my friends as a guide, that often "mixed signals" really just means that there are no signals from the woman and wishful thinking on the guys part. Usually when there is a real attraction, you'll get the hint.

And, to Sidious, that was a great way to deal with that uncertainty, just ask. If more people did this simple thing, their lives would be so much simpler. And, it fits in with a favorite maxim of mine: typically, you regret what you don't do, not what you do.

Mr Awe

 

[Chaos Descending]

Signals schmignals.

If you like a girl, tell her. If she doesn't like you back, suck it up and move on. That's life.