Liking someone and reading the signals...

[Pingfah]

I've found, using my friends as a guide, that often "mixed signals" really just means that there are no signals from the woman and wishful thinking on the guys part. Usually when there is a real attraction, you'll get the hint.

Quite, I rather think that most people pick up on the signals when they are there, but their personal doubts prevent them from believing they are real/doing anything about it.

 

[Finn]

It doesn't matter anymore now that I'm engaged to a wonderful, beautiful, funny and smart woman but it took me 29 years and five months before we got together, my first and only woman I've been with. It got me wondering if there was anybody before her who had the hots for me (she got interested in mine after she saw me on campus well after she ended her last (and bad) long-term relationship early last year). We had only met in 2006. It leaves all those years at my old alma mater, my first round of college and when I was in Arizona and Cincinnati. Did I miss any signals?
Ah well, but like I said, it doesn't matter anymore.

 

[JustKate]

I agree with Mr. Awe that "mixed signals" is sometimes merely wishful thinking. I've known people who were repeatedly and firmly told "I like you but I'm not interested in you romantically," who were given no other encouragement aside from ordinary friendliness, but who nonetheless still talked about "mixed signals." Mixed in what way, exactly? I mean, does being nice to you really constitute a "signal"? Jeez, I hope not.

The other thing about mixed signals is that sometimes they indicate that the person hasn't made up his or her mind yet...or that circumstances change from one day to the next. The signals are mixed because the person has mixed feelings. Yes, some people decide instantly or nearly instantly "I am interested in this person," but sometimes it's more along the lines of, "Well, maaaaaybeeee...I'm just not sure."

 

[nevermore]

I agree with Mr. Awe that "mixed signals" is sometimes merely wishful thinking. I've known people who were repeatedly and firmly told "I like you but I'm not interested in you romantically," who were given no other encouragement aside from ordinary friendliness, but who nonetheless still talked about "mixed signals." Mixed in what way, exactly? I mean, does being nice to you really constitute a "signal"? Jeez, I hope not.

This is often a symptom of a man who is incapable, unwilling, or uninterested in seeing a woman as anything other than a potential "romantic" partner. "I like you" can only mean one thing, of course.

 

[Mr Awe]

I agree with Mr. Awe that "mixed signals" is sometimes merely wishful thinking. I've known people who were repeatedly and firmly told "I like you but I'm not interested in you romantically," who were given no other encouragement aside from ordinary friendliness, but who nonetheless still talked about "mixed signals." Mixed in what way, exactly? I mean, does being nice to you really constitute a "signal"? Jeez, I hope not.

This is often a symptom of a man who is incapable, unwilling, or uninterested in seeing a woman as anything other than a potential "romantic" partner. "I like you" can only mean one thing, of course.

I agree with both of the above. I'd also add that I think women are, on average, more sensible than men, on average, in this area. Women seem more able to just be friends with men. Also, if they are turned down they are less like to obssess over it. Some guys will find signals in their tea leaves just to keep the hope alive or rationalize away fairly concrete evidence that she's not interested.

Mr Awe