Last Man Standing

[Zachary Smith]

Here's the game. We'll start with two characters from any genre film and pit them one against the other. Next poster calls the victor of the battle and suggests a competitor for the winner. Then so on and so forth and we'll see who is the toughest of the tough.

First competition:

Snake Plissken (Escape from New York/LA) vs Paul Kersey (Death Wish I-V)

Who wins and who does the winner fight next?

 

[Jack Bauer]

Snake wins

and

now he fights John Matrix

 

[Aragorn]

John Matrix wins (because he can stand out in the open without moving -- and shirtless -- and an army of soldiers still miss)...

... and fights Sydney Bristow (Alias).

 

[Jack Bauer]

John Matrix wins (because he can stand out in the open without moving -- and shirtless -- and an army of soldiers still miss)...

... and fights Sydney Bristow (Alias).

Sydney wins because she has cool disguises and looks hot.

Then she fights

Buffy the Vampire slayer

 

[Aragorn]

Sydney simply shoots Buffy because Buffy is too busy trying to fight with carefully choreographed kung fu moves and a stake, then Sydney moves onto...

...Jack Bauer.

 

[Jack Bauer]

Sydney simply shoots Buffy because Buffy is too busy trying to fight with carefully choreographed kung fu moves and a stake, then Sydney moves onto...

...Jack Bauer.

Jack shoots Sydney before she even realizes he's there. Then Jack faces...

John McClane

 

[Timelord79 (he/him)]

After a long and bloody fight in real time, Jack prevails. It`s just one of those days for both of them...

Jack moves on to fight Bugs Bunny.

 

[Aragorn]

Jack Bauer shoots his gun and a flower comes out. Jack chases Bugs off a cliff and Bugs may be able to float but Jack can't. Jack falls down the cliff. Then a grand piano falls on him. Then an anvil falls on him. But it's the falling carrot that does him in. And Bugs Bunny moves onto...

James T. Kirk

 

[Goliath]

Captain Kirk gains an early advantage with a flying kick and a two-handed karate chop.

But at this point, Bugs Bunny breaks the fourth wall, and says to the viewer: "Of course, you realize--this means war."

He disguises himself as a green Orion slave girl, and lures Captain Kirk down to the shuttle bay for a romantic rendezvous. Then he opens the bay doors, and blows Kirk out into space.

"Ain't I a stinker?" he says, before going on to fight...

Gandalf.

 

[Admiral2]

Gandalf points his sword right into Bugs's nose. Bugs pees himself and runs back to his hole. Gandalf grunts in satisfaction then turns and finds himself facing...


The Incredible Hulk

 

[Goliath]

"Puny wizard!" bellows the Hulk. "Hulk smash!"

"You shall not paaaaaggh!" says Gandalf, as the Hulk smashes him.

The Hulk then leaps off to fight...

Neo.

 

[Timelord79 (he/him)]

The Hulk lands on Neo who is turned into a bloody spot on the shattered pavement since they are in the real world and not in the matrix....

So the Hulk goes looking for real adversaries like...

The Metatron (Voice of God aka Alan Rickman)

 

[Jack Bauer]

The Hulk lands on Neo who is turned into a bloody spot on the shattered pavement since they are in the real world and not in the matrix....

So the Hulk goes looking for real adversaries like...

The Metatron (Voice of God aka Alan Rickman)

which Hulk then smashes to bits. Hulk then goes on to fight Batman who has been preparing for this encounter for years.

 

[Aragorn]

Hulk is no match for the Bat-reverse-gamma-bomb.

But waiting in the shadows to challenge the Batman is... Darkman!

 

[Goliath]

Batman sues Darkman for plagiarism.

Darkman countersues, alleging that Batman plagiarized the Shadow.

It's a long and gruelling legal battle, but ultimately, billionaire Bruce Wayne's deeper pockets prevail.

While discussing the final judgment with reporters on the steps of the Gotham City courthouse, the Caped Crusader suddenly finds himself confronted by...

Luke Skywalker

 

[Admiral Shran]

Batman tells Luke that he is Luke's father.

Luke throws himself off a cliff.

Batman wins and then faces....

Indiana Jones.

 

[Aragorn]

Indiana Jones doesn't want to fight so he just pulls out a gun and shoots Batman. Of course, Batman has body armor so it's ineffectual. And Batman already knows about whips so... having had plenty of time to prepare, Batman drops Indiana Jones into a pit full of snakes.

Batman is going to call it a day, when Chuck Bartowski flashes on him.

 

[Jack Bauer]

Batman pops Chuck in the ass with a batarang as Chuck swoons after Sarah. The batarang knocks Chuck out and Bats is gone before Sarah realizes what happens. As Batman swings away he encounters a time and universe lost Captain Robau...

 

[Admiral2]

Captain Robau assesses the situation and does the one thing all of Bats's villains shoulda done: He quickdraws his phaser and fires straight through the exposed part of the Caped Crusader's face, shattering the man's jaw and part of his spine. As Bats falls in a heap before him, Captain Robau turns smugly and finds himself facing...


...ADMIRAL WILLIAM ADAMA.

 

[Admiral Shran]

Adama stabs Robau threw the chest like the punk he is.

Adama then turns and faces....

Monty Python and the Holy Grail's Black Knight.