Keiko and O'Brien, should they have been divorced?

[Nerys Ghemor]

Well, to me that was "straightforward bitch" versus "sneaky, lying bitch." I didn't like either character and didn't think Keiko was handling it as well as she could have...but at least Keiko got the edge for being forthright about what she was all about and making no false pretenses, whereas Kai Winn was not only slimy, but a conspirator to murder who wormed out of getting caught.

 

[Dream]

I've always found Keiko to be annoying. However, I'm glad they didn't have the couple divorce. The writers sent Keiko to the cornfield anyway, when they realized she wasn't that popular. It was nice that she appeared in the series finale.

 

[StarryEyed]

I've always found Keiko to be annoying. However, I'm glad they didn't have the couple divorce.

I wish they would have. Breaking up doesn't have to be this terrible thing. Intelligent beings like Humans are very complex; they evolve and grow throughout their lives. They are not always going to evolve and grow in the same direction. I for one, believe that life-long relationships are going to be awfully rare.

A lot of people despise DS9-Let He Who Is Without Sin. I liked it myself. One of the things in it that I thought was very cool was the Bajoran Rite of Separation. What an enlightened thing! Julian and Leeta had come to realize that they were not on the same path. Rather than flail and bitch and scream, they celebrated the good times they had together and wished each other well. That's how it should be!

Separation should be embraced as a natural part of growing rather than looked at as a tragic thing to be avoided at all cost.

 

[Destructor]

Disagree- strongly. They had pretty much the only realistic relationship on Trek.

Compromise and effort are utterly key to making relationships work. No relationship will endure without them.

 

[StarryEyed]

Disagree- strongly. They had pretty much the only realistic relationship on Trek.

Compromise and effort are utterly key to making relationships work. No relationship will endure without them.

So the only realistic relationships involve constant strife? What's the point of relationships then?

 

[SilentP]

I have to wonder, how do you reckon their relationship took to Miles going back to Earth to teach at the Academy? On the one hand, they're closer to home and not in danger as much, but on the other, was there much for Keiko to do there as a botanist?

 

[Skywalker]

I have to wonder, how do you reckon their relationship took to Miles going back to Earth to teach at the Academy? On the one hand, they're closer to home and not in danger as much, but on the other, was there much for Keiko to do there as a botanist?

She could have gotten a job teaching botany/exobotany at Starfleet Academy (as a civilian instructor) or any of the other multitudes of universities on Earth.

 

[Praxius]

Thinking about the situation again, I believe that perhaps the reason why so many people believe their marriage was always a struggle was because when it came to the show giving the viewer the issues relating to relationships and the morals that come with them, they always used the O'Briens as the whipping mule for that stuff, thus we were exposed to more problems and issues between them then we were exposed to them being happy and working together.

They sorta ruined the balance with them and perhaps should have shifted some of the relationship stuff off to Sisko and Yates once in a while, whom were usually given the lovey-dovy scenes and being nice to one another......

.... having Yates and Sisko (for the most part) being happy and helping one another out all the time and being affectionate and then having the O'Briens usually dealing with the conflicts, troubles of work and family, and all the quarrels that come with relationships/marriage...... it's easy to fall into the thinking that their marriage wasn't a very healthy one.

But there were times where they showed that not only did they really care/love each other, but they knew each other inside and out...... like the time when Keiko knew Miles wasn't her husband but someone else due to him drinking his coffee later in the day which normally keeps him up all night "Armageddon Game":

"The next day, Keiko comes up and asks to see Commander Sisko. She shows him, Kira, and Dax a part of the recording where O'Brien drinking coffee. According to the time index, it is late in the afternoon, and she says he never drinks coffee in the afternoon, because it keeps him up all night. She is convinced the footage has been altered. Sisko isn't sure, but he joins Lieutenant Dax to get the Ganges a day early, just to see what's going on."

Of course in the ending of the episode, he corrects her, saying that he occasionally drinks coffee later in the day, which made her own knowledge of her own husband not only incorrect, but a complete fluke that she cracked the conspiracy wide open and still saved him and Bashir.

But her devotion to not accepting that her husband was dead and how both know each others little quirks (mostly, lol) shows that they do still care/love each other.

Granted my marriage hasn't had as many fights/quarrels as their marriage, but they exist from time to time in any relationship..... the willingness to work through problems and to not give up on each other is proof that they care enough for each other and their family.

If they didn't, then they wouldn't work on these things, give up and just let the whole thing collapse.

In regards to their different careers, Keiko for the longest time backed and supported Miles' career/dreams of being in Starfleet, tinkering with machines and being needed by many..... and when it came to her finally getting fed up with trying to make a life on DS9 and headed to Bajor for a while, It was only fair for Miles to support her in what she wanted to do... relationships have to be a two-way street and if your partner allows and helps you out on obtaining your dreams or needs in life, then it's only fair that if you really care and love your partner who's supported you, that you help them and support them in their dreams/needs in life..... even if they don't really appeal to you.

 

[Therin of Andor]

The writers sent Keiko to the cornfield anyway, when they realized she wasn't that popular.

No, it was simply that the actress told the producers she might not be as available for a while, due to other commitments.

 

[Pauln6]

The problem with Keiko is that the writers used her only when they wanted to bung in a bit of friction. We rarely got to see them getting on happily with life the other 80% of the time. I liked the fact that their relationship wasn't all plain sailing and they stuck with it. I disliked the way Keiko always seemed to be whining whenever she was on screen.

I remember an outstanding show called Murder One where the lead character started off happily married and all lovey dovey then two thirds of the way through the show the character had a few issues with his wife and she just left him. I thought jeez talk about highly strung...

At least the O'Briens' relationship felt more real.

 

[John200]

Keiko should have been killed off a long time ago

She was useless.

 

[DS9 Gal AZ]

StarryEyed, you think "work and compromise" spells doom for a relationship? Really? Newsflash, ALL relationships are "work and compromise!" Not just romantic ones either. Granted I would have liked to have seen more lovey-dovey scenes with Keiko and Miles (no shirtless Colm Meaney or anything, but you know what I mean) to balance things out, but the fact that they argued does not mean they needed to divorce. Relationships are all about compromise. You have to give up something to be in a relationship, but the point is that what you're giving up is worth it because of what you get. And I don't think the O'Briens were in constant strife, I think the problem was that they were almost always only shown fighting. We can assume when we didn't see Keiko that they were getting along fine, but I guess the writers didn't think it would be "interesting" for us to see them all happy and content, though they had no problem giving Sisko/Yates the 'domestic bliss' scenes.

 

[kes7]

Disagree- strongly. They had pretty much the only realistic relationship on Trek.

Compromise and effort are utterly key to making relationships work. No relationship will endure without them.

So the only realistic relationships involve constant strife? What's the point of relationships then?

Becoming a better human being who learns to put the needs and wants of others first sometimes?

I think the people who say the O'Briens' relationship was unrealistic have never been married. Marriages aren't all about constant strife, but sharing life with someone in the long term sets up almost infinite opportunities for conflict. Marriage is, in part, a promise to work through those conflicts instead of running away from them.

Here's the thing -- I'm not married to the same man I married seven years ago. He's not married to the same woman he married back then. Oh, sure, DNA-wise, we're the same. But I've changed, and so has he. A little for the better, a little for the worse, and not always in the same direction. It happens to most people -- and I think it happened to Miles and Keiko. Maybe when they got married, she thought she could handle the Starfleet life and learn to love it. Maybe it wasn't what she'd hoped. Or maybe she developed ambitions she hadn't had before. Should they have divorced over it? Should we get divorced over it? No. Marriage is a commitment. Part of that commitment is finding ways to work it out when things aren't fun anymore -- finding a way to make it fun again. (Obviously, outright abuse is a major exception to this and should not be tolerated.)

Just my two cents. I didn't like Keiko all that much, but that's a personality thing. I thought she and Miles were fine together and very normal. A little normalcy was nice to see in Trek.

 

[Pemmer Harge]

Disagree- strongly. They had pretty much the only realistic relationship on Trek.

Compromise and effort are utterly key to making relationships work. No relationship will endure without them.

So the only realistic relationships involve constant strife? What's the point of relationships then?

What constant strife?

 

[Destructor]

Becoming a better human being who learns to put the needs and wants of others first sometimes?

Bravo, well said.

Also, saying that relationships take work and compromise does not equate to: 'Relationships are constant strife.' It is saying that putting in effort and compromising on things are how you have a successful relationship that isn't constant strife, and the O'Briens was the only relationship on Trek to treat that very real idea realistically.

 

[Archaeologist]

Not at all. Miles O'Brien and his wife Keiko are one of my favorite TNG and DS9 couples, or perhaps of all Star Trek. I like to believe that offscreen, outside of the context of any particular episode, they get along pretty well at least, despite some conflicts and hardships, which are obviously almost entirely an inevitability. Oh, and I know that this has been addressed to the original poster before in other posts, but yes, it's true; Keiko is Japanese. I am not sure if the reference to your wife's Chinese origin was necessarily relevant. That is akin to saying that Chinese and Japanese cultures are alike, and they do bear some similarities, but they are in reality quite different.

No offense intended. Have a nice day!

 

[StarryEyed]

Becoming a better human being who learns to put the needs and wants of others first sometimes?

Bravo, well said.

Also, saying that relationships take work and compromise does not equate to: 'Relationships are constant strife.' It is saying that putting in effort and compromising on things are how you have a successful relationship that isn't constant strife, and the O'Briens was the only relationship on Trek to treat that very real idea realistically.

Almost every time we saw them there was strife! Granted, we didn't see every moment of their lives and it could be argued that most of the time they were happy but that's not the way it looked to me.

The Alamo set was too big for their quarters. He spent too much time with Julian. They couldn't even agree on what to friken eat! Duh, it's from a replicator! Why doesn't Miles eat what he wants and Keiko eat what she wants?

Apologies to Guns and Roses:

I used to love her,
but i had to kill her
I used to love her,
but i had to kill her
I had to put her, six feet under
and I can still hear her complain
I used to love her, (whoa yeah)
but I had to kill her
I used to love her, (oooo yeah)
but I had to kill her
I knew I'd miss her,
So I had to keep her
She's buried right in my backyard
(whoa yeah)
(whoa yeah)
(whoo-oo yeah)
I used to love her,
but I had to kill her
I used to love her, (whoa yeah)
but i had to kill her
She bitched so much,
she drove me nuts
And now we're happier this way, alright
(whoa yeah)
(whoa)
(whoo-oo yeah)
I used to love her,
but I had to kill her
I used to love her(ooooh yeah)
but I had to kill her
She bitched so much,
she drove me nuts
and I can still hear her complain yeah-eeeah

 

[Mr. Scott]

In my opinion, if you're constantly having to "work and compromise" to make a relationship work, it's a bad relationship. Life is too short to put up with that crap - even with the 120+ lifespans in the 24th century.

IMHO, the divorce rate could be cut in half if every man applying for a marriage license was required to watch all the Trek episodes with Keiko in it.

Especially the one where Keiko's possessed by a pah-wraith.

Though, she was pretty hot like that.

I actually liked her in that one. Of course the fact that I liked the Pah Wraith more than Keiko speaks volumes. The only episode I liked the real Keiko in was In The Hands of the Prophets. Of course in that case, she was squaring off against Kai Winn, the supreme bitch of the universe.

Biggest bitch in DS9 (Choose one)

a.) Female Shapeshifter

b.) Kai Winn

c.) Keiko (mad)

d.) Kira (mad)

 

[I am not Spock]

I liked Miles/Keiko. So they had their fights, what marriage doesn't? I liked it that there was at least one Starfleet officer in a loving marriage depicted on Trek. TV writers think that every single character has to be miserable and lovelorn.

 

[Admiral Shran]

Almost every time we saw them there was strife! Granted, we didn't see every moment of their lives and it could be argued that most of the time they were happy but that's not the way it looked to me.

What about episodes like Hard Time? When Keiko went out of her way to love and support Miles through what was quite possibly the most difficult time of his life (and that's saying something)?

Not only did she do everything she could for him, she was also willing to completely forgive his outburst at Molly. I would think that if she was just a stone-cold bitch she would have lorded that over his head, possibly even divorced him for it. But instead, she realized he wasn't in control of himself and forgave him because she loved him so much.