CAN'T FIX CRAZY... continued AKA "Sometimes that shit comes back around!" by Nicky Nicholls We don't know how much time has passed (hours? days?) from the phone call with Larry and the confrontation with Alex to now... but we do know that the Christmas Pageant is about to begin and the auditorium which doubles as the "chapel" is beginning to fill. Caputo is at the back of the room and he spies... HELLO! It's Officer Fischer in street clothes! He turns on his heel and quickly walks out of the room. The first inmate we recognize has just come into the partially filled auditorium. Her affect is flat, her eyes look dead. She's neither smiling or growling, she's just taking up space in the universe. We don't know where she came from, but we assume it was "outside" since she's still wearing the Litchfield winter coat. She sees inmates with antlers, with Rudolph red noses, but they wash over her without marking her at all. They are as dead to her as she is to herself. As Piper slides into a seat, you have to wonder... when was the last time she slept? When was the last time she cried? Has anyone reached out to her since she lost Larry and Alex? Has Polly done anything more this month besides send her that ONE baby picture? Officer/Counselor Healy saunters into the auditorium in his leather jacket. Good God... Assist Warden FIG is standing in the auditorium and turns to meet him as he tries out a little "small talk" on the striking woman. Healy: Another holiday. Can you believe this? Fig: I can. Because I have eyes... and a calendar. She tilts her head slightly, as if wondering how this little man came so close to ruining her empire. Fig: Healy... if you ever call an inmate's family again with your lesbian witch hunt shit, I will destroy you. Healy turns to look her fully in the eye. He's not smiling. Fig: Your mail order bride will leave you, and you will never work again. Get some fucking therapy, man. She ends by "patting" him on the chest before leaving him to stew in the back of the room. He does NOT look happy. Not one bit. Healy decides he doesn't need to watch another pageant, and walks out the door, passing Piper sitting quietly in her seat in the last row. As he leaves, another would be Romeo walks back into the room, this time carrying a bouquet of flowers. Fischer turns and sees him this time. They exchange "Hey's" Caputo: I heard you were coming. (He looks down to the bouquet, smiling) I would have sent these to the hospital, but I thought I'd rather deliver them in person. Fischer: (Can you say AWKWARD?) Wow. Mr. Caputo. Joe... thank-you. That's really thoughtful. His smile has grown dangerously wide and she turns partially away to grab the hunk standing with his back to us. Fischer: (Shades of Piper's trick, that first week she was in prison) Oh, this is my boyfriend, Stephen. This is Joe Caputo. Hunky Boyfriend: Hello. The dude has a full beard, not just a wimpy "stache" like someone we know. Caputo: Hello, Stephen. (laughs? as he stretches out his hand) Really, really nice to meet you. Stephen: (To the OLDER man) Happy Holidays, Sir. Caputo: Joe, please. Stephen: (Nods) Joe. The lights in the auditorium begin to blink. Caputo looks up worried/happy for the interruption? Caputo: Oh... All right. That could be trouble, excuse me... Fischer: (Smiling) Oh, no. I think that's "theater" for, the show's gonna start soon. Caputo: RIGHT. (He smacks his head like he just realized, he could have had a "V-8 drink") of course! Okay. Okay... (totally embarrassed, he runs quickly away) 'night, yeah. Stephen looks at Fischer and just rolls his eyes as she laughs. The light are turned off and they head for their seats.