Just venting

[eklypse]

I'm starting this because of her...the woman sitting not even four feet away from me. She's my everything. Always has been and she never knew it...at least not while it mattered. Now she wants me not to be in love with her. Honestly I have no rite to be upset over this...her feelings toward me are my fault. When she wanted me...was in love with me, I pushed her away. I had my reasons but they seem pointless now. Now she loves someone else.

We're still friends and I am happy to still have her in my life but it hurts like hell. It hurts like hell knowing that I hurt her...I'm the one that wasn't strong enough for her when she needed me. I've created my own personal hell...my very well-deserved hell.

If we honestly tired, I know in my soul that we'd be great together. She's the person I want to spend the rest of my life with but I'll do what she needs me to do. I'll back off. I'll watch her be happy with someone else. I'll do it because she truly deserves happiness...even at the expense of my own.

What do I do? It hurts so much watching her...she's right next to me and all I want to do is hold her, kiss her, tell her how much I love her. I want to tell her that every day. I'm screwed. This hurts but it's even worse when I'm not with her.

To anyone reading this: this post is an incoherent mess. I know that. I'm just writing each thought that comes to me.

I honestly thought that by backing off a while back, by pushing away, would give me the time I needed to get my life together so we could be together. I know how ridiculous that sounds but there was so much bullshit in life that I thought I'd bring her down. So I let her go...always hoping once I got things squared away that she'd be with me. God I was naive.

Letting her go was like committing suicide...God, help me.

Maybe I should invent a time machine to go back a year. Things would be so different. We'd be married.

Okay, I need to stop this. This is so stupid.

 

[Aldo]

You feel strongly about this, there's no doubt about it from your post. But the time has come and gone for you two to be together. It's time to move on, there is someone out there for you, right now you don't believe this. You believe this person is the one for you, and that feeling is so strong in your heart that you refuse to even consider the possibility of someone else. I know, I've felt this about people a lot in the last ten years.

I've been there, we've all been there. The best advice I can give you is to just move on, before you let this overtake you, and overtake your life.

 

[eklypse]

Thanks for the advice. I agree. It's funny because I'm always so rational about things. This is the first time I've let myself feel like this and I can't figure out why. What makes it more complicated is she told she still loves me and wishes she could change things. I guess being together is nothing but a pipe dream.

 

[Aldo]

I'm not saying this to get your hopes up or anything. But who knows what the future holds, nothing is definite.

 

[Australis]

Ahhhhh dude, I'm guessing you're fairly young. Compared to me, 90% of the board is fairly young.

We all do stupid things to the people we love. My first piece of advice then is to hold yourself at arm's length from her, but try to prove yourself a better person than before, in word and action. Maybe you can turn her opinion around.

Secondly (because I'm a bit down on this one), if it's "just want to be friends" time, move on, it's not worth the heartache. Find someone else to love. Move on.

 

[RandyS]

I've been in your place more times than I care to remember, with slightly different circumstances, and I've found that what helped me through it was a distraction. Focus on anything BUT her. Find something you like to do and do it until you're distracted. This way, the pain will become managable. It won't go away, but you can control it.

You're right about one thing, if she's in love with somebody else, you gotta step aside. Is the only right thing to do.

 

[PKTrekGirl]

Ahhhhh dude, I'm guessing you're fairly young. Compared to me, 90% of the board is fairly young.

We all do stupid things to the people we love. My first piece of advice then is to hold yourself at arm's length from her, but try to prove yourself a better person than before, in word and action. Maybe you can turn her opinion around.

Secondly (because I'm a bit down on this one), if it's "just want to be friends" time, move on, it's not worth the heartache. Find someone else to love. Move on.

Yeah...that 'just want to be friends thing' can sometimes do more harm than good, I agree. You keep holding onto that rope...and it prevents you from moving on. It leaves you anchored in grief over something you can't have.

Sometimes it's better to just let go of the rope. It will hurt more in the short term...but in the longer term it may well prevent a lot of ongoing heartache.

To the OP - good luck. I have been in your spot and it's a very hard place to be in.

 

[Lookingglassman]

If she is next to you, aint she seeing this?

 

[ThankQ]

^maybe she doesn't have a looking glass, man.

 

[Kestra]

I've been in a very loosely similar situation. All I can say is, try not to be too back and forth about things. It can mess with the other person quite a bit. Make a decision and stick with it. I wish you the best of luck, and eventual happiness!

 

[MetalPants]

Ahhhhh dude, I'm guessing you're fairly young. Compared to me, 90% of the board is fairly young.

We all do stupid things to the people we love. My first piece of advice then is to hold yourself at arm's length from her, but try to prove yourself a better person than before, in word and action. Maybe you can turn her opinion around.

Secondly (because I'm a bit down on this one), if it's "just want to be friends" time, move on, it's not worth the heartache. Find someone else to love. Move on.

Yeah...that 'just want to be friends thing' can sometimes do more harm than good, I agree. You keep holding onto that rope...and it prevents you from moving on. It leaves you anchored in grief over something you can't have.

That rope can quickly become a noose in which you and your emotions strangle to death.

 

[Captain_Nick]

I prescribe to you a trip to Vegas and five hundred dollars. The STDs you will pick up as a result will take your mind off things

 

[Balrog]

Seriously - walk away. Let her go. She's moved on and in love with another. You deserve the same. And you won't achieve that by hanging onto being friends with her. She's moved on to her happiness, so should you. Get a new job, or at least seek a position in your work that moves you away from her. Get out there, be cool, and meet some new people. You're not doing yourself any favors by hanging on. You deserve happiness just as much as she does.

 

[RJDiogenes]

This probably won't make you feel better right now, but you're in good company. Most of us have been in similar situations, including me. You'll be okay.

^maybe she doesn't have a looking glass, man.

Wow.

That rope can quickly become a noose in which you and your emotions strangle to death.

Very... poetic....