Infatuation

[melancholymecha]

I have Aspergers... my family is enough socializing for me. The few times I socialize outisde of my family, there comes a point I just cant take it anymore. I had been volunteering the past 3 months at the hospital for 4 hours a week(it was sort of an experiment for me b/c I was curious to see if I could handle a job-like environment, since Im currently on disability, but may have to work again someday) but I stopped going last week, half the time I was bored and other times I was anxious about having to hang around with other people(people very much unlike myself). Being with other people is just not fun for me, especially if they have nothing in common with me. I dont know anyone around here that's like me. And the few times Ive met someone sorta like me I let other baggage get in the way(trust issues, my own judgements... etc) I just end up getting myself even more emotionally ill. No thanks.

Oh I did once for a while go to a local Asperger's group, but everyone there was a guy(I would have liked to have met other girls with Aspergers) & there was this one annoying guy who would not stop trying to ask me out even after I made it quite obvious I was NOT intersted. He wouldnt get the message & I got sick of it & quit going.

as for infatuations, oh I do get them...but its always with fictional characters.

 

[Gryffindorian]

I'm not that familiar with Asperger's, though I have a nine-year-old nephew who's autistic. I believe he was first diagnosed when he was three. He didn't talk a lot, and when he did, he seemed to speak in gibberish that no one could understand. Now he's gotten better after years of speech therapy but still a bit incoherent when he talks; he gets really frustrated when he's trying to express something but no one understands. He is also hyperactive (we think he has ADHD, though he's not on any medication). It hasn't been an easy journey for my sister and her family, but they're doing a great job raising my nephew.

I hope things are going well for you. I'm finding I share a lot of things in common with fellow BBSers, and I find it fascinating.

 

[melancholymecha]

^thanks, Im just glad to know that there are other people out there who have similar views to me as far as relationships, romance & all that stuff. Its hard b/c the emphasis in our culture is after a certain age you should be or already have been either in a relationship or married, & if youre not there's something wrong with you.

your nephew is lucky, they now have a lot of therapies for kids with Autism to help them & they start them early. They didnt have anything like that when I was a child.

 

[Australis]

melancholymecha, I have to admire you for wanting to go back to work, but a hospital, on a busy day, might be a bit of an intense environment. Maybe there's something else you can try, like, I dunno, delivering meals to elderly people. Just a thought. But, damn, I'm impressed, seriously.

 

[Gryffindorian]

I agree. Hospitals are often busy, depending on where you live or work. Some of my friends/co-workers have worked with the elderly, not necessarily in a nursing home (which could be depressing), but perhaps a retirement center or community, coordinating activities for seniors.

 

[Cakes488]

^thanks, Im just glad to know that there are other people out there who have similar views to me as far as relationships, romance & all that stuff. Its hard b/c the emphasis in our culture is after a certain age you should be or already have been either in a relationship or married, & if youre not there's something wrong with you.

your nephew is lucky, they now have a lot of therapies for kids with Autism to help them & they start them early. They didnt have anything like that when I was a child.

Giiirl you are preachin to the choir. I don't want to get married or have children and some people look at me like . It seems I can't have a life without doing that. Considering I don't have much of one now anyway I'm not sure what my point is.

 

[sidious618]

Giiirl you are preachin to the choir. I don't want to get married or have children and some people look at me like . It seems I can't have a life without doing that. Considering I don't have much of one now anyway I'm not sure what my point is.

I don't want kids either and people are just horrified by that fact.

 

[Emher]

^One of the few perks of having been a problem child and being one of four siblings. My parents are just glad I'm alive and relative well adjusted. Both me and my cousin are okay with the idea of being "the cool uncle"

That being said relationships and things are a want. It's interesting talking about these things since melancholymecha brings up her Aspergers' and that she feels it to be difficult socializing outside of her family. Me I have such a big family and extended family that I'm almost afraid of living alone. Granted I'm an odd Asperger since I long and want a relationship, I want a satisfying sex life and I've found my limited positive experience with the subject to be extremely rewarding.

What my problems are is simply having the courage to take the step and be social with people to get to know them. And that's not really a problem that has to do with my Aspergers but rather with self esteem issues that stems from horrible treatment in my teens. And I work at it.

In the end it's all just trying to find out what you want and how best to go about it. Which may be big words coming from a guy that almost never has the guts to tell girls how he feels about them.

 

[Daneel]

Giiirl you are preachin to the choir. I don't want to get married or have children and some people look at me like . It seems I can't have a life without doing that. Considering I don't have much of one now anyway I'm not sure what my point is.

I don't want kids either and people are just horrified by that fact.

Heh. I'm indifferent to the idea of having kids, but I don't think it's likely to happen and I've said as much to people. The only people who seem disappointed are my parents (who I guess want to be grandparents at some point -- ah well, they've still got my sister) and my grandmother, who insists that getting married and having children is "what it's all about". Ironic, considering her marriage wasn't exactly the greatest.

My grandma still thinks I'm going to change my mind on the subject -- in fact, she says she's going to keep hanging in there to see how my sister and I "turn out", which I suppose to her includes getting married. Oh, if she only knew some specific things about us that we haven't told her... she'd see how we "turned out" all right, and it'd probably kill her.

 

[Lindley]

I went to my cousin's wedding recently. She's two years younger than me. Plus my other cousin who's my age was also there, with her newborn third child.

There was some teasing in my direction for my unattached status. I didn't like it.

 

[Emher]

Giiirl you are preachin to the choir. I don't want to get married or have children and some people look at me like . It seems I can't have a life without doing that. Considering I don't have much of one now anyway I'm not sure what my point is.

I don't want kids either and people are just horrified by that fact.

Heh. I'm indifferent to the idea of having kids, but I don't think it's likely to happen and I've said as much to people. The only people who seem disappointed are my parents (who I guess want to be grandparents at some point -- ah well, they've still got my sister) and my grandmother, who insists that getting married and having children is "what it's all about". Ironic, considering her marriage wasn't exactly the greatest.

My grandma still thinks I'm going to change my mind on the subject -- in fact, she says she's going to keep hanging in there to see how my sister and I "turn out", which I suppose to her includes getting married. Oh, if she only knew some specific things about us that we haven't told her... she'd see how we "turned out" all right, and it'd probably kill her.

^Reminds of when my sis was convinced she was a lesbian a few years ago and had this big coming out thing for the majority of the family...except for the grandparents. So when to my very small surprise learned that sis had snagged a boyfriend over in Japan (I was convinced she was bi for several reasons) grandpa actually heard about it before everyone else in the extended family so when he started mentioning things about sis having found a boyfriend over in Japan, nobody believed him!

So we decided to set everyone straight by setting up a Skype video call with sis and her boy at the next family gathering. I don't think I'll ever forget everyones faces when they realized it wasn't just one of granddads stories

I went to my cousin's wedding recently. She's two years younger than me. Plus my other cousin who's my age was also there, with her newborn third child.

There was some teasing in my direction for my unattached status. I didn't like it.

Haven't gotten that yet, but my aforementioned granddad joked about a young woman we helped move some stuff for had asked if she could have a date with me. And we're talking the nicest smoking hot black woman I ever met, but there's just no way that was true. My first thought was to ask him to kindly not joke about such things, but I just went with a tired "Ha ha grandpa..."

 

[Daneel]

I went to my cousin's wedding recently. She's two years younger than me. Plus my other cousin who's my age was also there, with her newborn third child.

There was some teasing in my direction for my unattached status. I didn't like it.

Hmm... I haven't gotten that yet, which is actually somewhat odd when you think about it. I mean, I'm 26 and have never had a serious relationship with a woman, so I'm sure they wonder about that. Maybe my relatives are actually too polite to bring it up... no, that can't be it. Maybe they just assume I'm gay. Yeah, that's probably more likely, what with all the musical theatre I used to do.

I'm especially surprised no one brought it up at my cousin's wedding last year. She was the first one of our group of cousins to get married -- and she was 19. (To answer your next question, no, she was not pregnant.) Anyway, you'd think with me actually being the oldest, some of the older relatives would've asked, "So when are we gonna see you with somebody, huh?" But no one did -- for which I am thankful, just to set the record straight.

I don't want kids either and people are just horrified by that fact.

Heh. I'm indifferent to the idea of having kids, but I don't think it's likely to happen and I've said as much to people. The only people who seem disappointed are my parents (who I guess want to be grandparents at some point -- ah well, they've still got my sister) and my grandmother, who insists that getting married and having children is "what it's all about". Ironic, considering her marriage wasn't exactly the greatest.

My grandma still thinks I'm going to change my mind on the subject -- in fact, she says she's going to keep hanging in there to see how my sister and I "turn out", which I suppose to her includes getting married. Oh, if she only knew some specific things about us that we haven't told her... she'd see how we "turned out" all right, and it'd probably kill her.

^Reminds of when my sis was convinced she was a lesbian a few years ago and had this big coming out thing for the majority of the family...except for the grandparents. So when to my very small surprise learned that sis had snagged a boyfriend over in Japan (I was convinced she was bi for several reasons) grandpa actually heard about it before everyone else in the extended family so when he started mentioning things about sis having found a boyfriend over in Japan, nobody believed him!

That's exactly the sort of thing I'm talking about -- my sister is a lesbian, and after keeping it from the extended family for quite a while (she told me two years ago that she thought she was bi, and last year admitted to being gay), she and my mother finally told all the other relatives... except for our grandparents. Considering how "old-school" two out of my three still-living grandparents are, she probably thinks that's for the best.

Sometimes, though, I still think she should tell them, just to see how they'd react (plus I've always encouraged everybody to be true to who they are, regardless of family and society). As I indicated in my earlier post, I've joked that my sister and I should "ambush" our grandmother one of these days and tell her that sis is a lesbian and I'm agnostic (which I'm sure she would not be thrilled with). Hey, she wanted to see how we "turned out"...

 

[Kestra]

I remember my sis asking me in high school if I was a lesbian. Guys would from time to time have a crush on me and she couldn't fathom that I simply didn't want to date any of them. I'd have crushes, but wasn't actually interested in relationships until I fell in love.

 

[Gryffindorian]

I went to my cousin's wedding recently. She's two years younger than me. Plus my other cousin who's my age was also there, with her newborn third child.

There was some teasing in my direction for my unattached status. I didn't like it.

Asian Americans and other ethnic groups have these "expectations" when it comes to accomplishing things by a certain age. Geez, I can't remember the number of times my parents (and sisters) have tried to pair me up with someone. I tell them all the time that I'm not really interested. Geez, if they only knew why. I mean, I have my reasons, of course.

But you guys are all fairly young. There'll be time enough for a long-time commitment.

 

[melancholymecha]

melancholymecha, I have to admire you for wanting to go back to work, but a hospital, on a busy day, might be a bit of an intense environment. Maybe there's something else you can try, like, I dunno, delivering meals to elderly people. Just a thought. But, damn, I'm impressed, seriously.

thanks! it wasnt always too bad socially b/c I asked for clerical work(basically all I did was fetch mail, make copies & put together pamphlets) so I wasnt around patients, but I was around a lot of staff at the addiction treatment center & well, it felt awkward. All these professional people & therapists, many younger than me, & many with families & yeah, I have to try to strike up chit chat with them & its embarrassing. I have nothing in common with these folks (nice people & all, but you know when they start asking you the more personal questions like what you do for a living- Yikes! I just want to head for the hills.)

Next month I might try this place that needs volunteers to help show cats for adoption...

also add me to the list of those who dont want any kids. No way.