Yep, I think this is why this is happening. You don't see yourself this way, yet this is the way you are--lonely. Your subconscious is trying to tell you something--reach out to people.
Don't meditate, act.
Mr Awe
Infatuation
- Thread starter Gryffindorian
- Start date
Yep, I think this is why this is happening. You don't see yourself this way, yet this is the way you are--lonely. Your subconscious is trying to tell you something--reach out to people.
Don't meditate, act.
Mr Awe
I must say, all this talk about lonelines is very ... illogical. I know some of you suggested that I go out and meet people, not that I'm opposed to the idea. It's just that I'm content with my social life (or lack thereof); so I don't see any reason to seek out something I don't need. I'm more interested in purging unwanted emotions, if at all possible.
Yeah, that TV show we all love - it lied to you. People don't get to do that.
Bummer.
EDIT: Seriously, I appreciate all your thoughtful feedback. JustKate, I agree that people have had crushes on celebrities, and those are just crushes, a passing feeling or fantasy. One other alternative I might consider is to find different outlets to express my feelings, e.g., hobbies and interests.
As far as meeting other people outside of my comfort zone, I guess I've never really given it much thought. I used to meet one or two people with whom I became friends, but I felt we didn't really have much in common, or there was something about them that rubbed me the wrong way. I have a few close friends whom I have lunch or dinner with and are constantly in contact with. Most of them are at least 30 - 35 years older than I, but friendship to me transcends all racial, age, and gender boundaries.
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I used to say that I was content with not really having a big social life. I was wrong.
The odd thing about the whole social thing is that it's self-feeding. If you move from being a complete loner to a little social, suddenly the complete loner thing is no longer satisfying. But neither is being just a little bit social.
Once you start down that path, you endlessly feel like you need to get out just a little bit more, and you look funny at people who are clearly more social than you and yet also obviously feel they could do better.
In some ways, the loner thing was better. But I don't think I'll ever be happy that way again.
Once you start down that path, you endlessly feel like you need to get out just a little bit more, and you look funny at people who are clearly more social than you and yet also obviously feel they could do better.
In some ways, the loner thing was better. But I don't think I'll ever be happy that way again.
A
Amaris
Guest
No, I have not asked her out. By the time I had been let go, she had several boyfriends on the backburner and one more on the way.
That aside, I don't date co-workers because should things go south, we will still have to see each other every day, which can be stressful. Secondly, my employer had a VERY strict policy on relationships with other employees.
J.
Now it seems we're talking about two different things here: sociability and romantic attachments.
I admit, I'm NOT the most sociable person in the whole world. I hate big crowds. I don't like going to socializing events even when my co-workers or friends invite me. I do, however, enjoy a more intimate setting; e.g., having a nice weekend lunch/dinner with my friends, going out to a nightclub with family, etc. I'm a very low-key person. I've always been that way and will always be. It doesn't bother me or create problems. In fact, I'd be more anxious about hanging out with people I hardly know.
Romantic attachments - I've gotten accustomed to not having them all these years. I might as well be a monk or a Jedi. I hope to settle down with the right person someday, eventually. It's just that I'm not in a hurry to meet that someone. If anything, it would be nice to have a fling here and there, but I'm enjoying my independence way too much.
I admit, I'm NOT the most sociable person in the whole world. I hate big crowds. I don't like going to socializing events even when my co-workers or friends invite me. I do, however, enjoy a more intimate setting; e.g., having a nice weekend lunch/dinner with my friends, going out to a nightclub with family, etc. I'm a very low-key person. I've always been that way and will always be. It doesn't bother me or create problems. In fact, I'd be more anxious about hanging out with people I hardly know.
Romantic attachments - I've gotten accustomed to not having them all these years. I might as well be a monk or a Jedi. I hope to settle down with the right person someday, eventually. It's just that I'm not in a hurry to meet that someone. If anything, it would be nice to have a fling here and there, but I'm enjoying my independence way too much.
^ And yet...and yet...you've started having these crushes. I have to think they mean something, Drone...
But of course it's your heart...I don't mean to imply that I know more about it than you do, or that I know anything about it, for that matter. All I know is if a friend told me, "I am not interested in a romance right now, but I keep experiencing these crushes," I'd wonder the same thing.
But of course it's your heart...I don't mean to imply that I know more about it than you do, or that I know anything about it, for that matter. All I know is if a friend told me, "I am not interested in a romance right now, but I keep experiencing these crushes," I'd wonder the same thing.
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You may be on to something here, JustKate. 
On the other hand, would you care to teach me kohlinar techniques?
Love your avatar.
On the other hand, would you care to teach me kohlinar techniques?
Love your avatar.
You may be on to something here, JustKate.
On the other hand, would you care to teach me kohlinar techniques?
Thanks! Susie does make a fetching Vulcan, doesn't she?
I dunno about kohlinar, Drone...Its flip side is, after all, pon farr. You think crushes are inconvenient and troublesome...
You may be on to something here, JustKate.
On the other hand, would you care to teach me kohlinar techniques?
Thanks! Susie does make a fetching Vulcan, doesn't she?
I dunno about kohlinar, Drone...Its flip side is, after all, pon farr. You think crushes are inconvenient and troublesome...
That she does! And great as K'Ehleyr, too, speaking of which, her namesake is one of our beloved BBS members.
Pon farr, you say? I like that. Hey ... maybe that's what I'm having now! It only comes once very seven years. That would make sense.
Good point! Geez, I never realized Vulcan mysticism could be so ... Vulcan. Oh, well.
Okay, I'll post an ad on the local paper:
"Will work for SEX. Thirty-something Bi Asian Guy in the SF Bay Area. Neat and tidy. Sci-fi/Fantasy geek I.S.O. fellow geek or geekess to have fun with. Loves long romantic conversations about Harry Potter, the Jedi Order, Autobots, and the like."
Oh, well.Okay, I'll post an ad on the local paper:
"Will work for SEX. Thirty-something Bi Asian Guy in the SF Bay Area. Neat and tidy. Sci-fi/Fantasy geek I.S.O. fellow geek or geekess to have fun with. Loves long romantic conversations about Harry Potter, the Jedi Order, Autobots, and the like."
Well, Harry Potter itself ain't romantic, but the act of having a sci-fi conversation would be.
I sat down to dinner with a girl I knew from high school the other day, and we got to talking about stuff. Midway through the conversation, she asks, "Have you seen the new Star Trek?"
She's known I'm a fan for a while, but she never really struck me as the type. Probably saw it for the Quinto angle---I know she used to like Heroes. Still, that was a surprise.
Damn shame I can't see her often enough to make something of it.
She's known I'm a fan for a while, but she never really struck me as the type. Probably saw it for the Quinto angle---I know she used to like Heroes. Still, that was a surprise.
Damn shame I can't see her often enough to make something of it.
I think I'm kind of the same way. I've never really been a social butterfly, nor have I been able to maintain good, close friendships with people, but it never really bothered me in the past. However, that was when I was still in school and still participated in some extracurricular activities -- I was interacting with people regularly, and even if I wasn't especially close with anyone, I got along quite well with most of my acquaintances, and I could have fun with them.
Now, school's done. I haven't done any major extracurricular activity in a while. Sometimes, I go days without any real human contact (today for example, unless you want to include the girl at the grocery store cash register). I used to say, "Yes, I may be alone, but that doesn't mean I'm lonely." Well, I don't think I completely believe that anymore. Most of the time, I can find something to occupy my thoughts with, but I have to admit, occasionally, I get a little lonely. And that can be frustrating.
As for infatuation, I think I know where you're coming from Drone. I've never had a serious romantic relationship, and much like with my friendships, that hasn't bothered me too much in the past. Heck, truth be told, although I've met plenty of girls whose company I enjoy greatly, and plenty I've been very attracted to (and yes, occasionally these two groups overlap), it is very rare that I actually meet someone with whom I want to pursue a relationship. I don't know why, but the whole idea of being in a committed relationship never really appealed to me.
From about the time I was 14 to when I was 24, I had maybe a couple of semi-crushes on people. That was it. Then a couple years ago, I met a girl. Adorable. Smart. Good sense of humour. Fun to be around. Shared some common interests with me (not Trek though -- at least I don't think so. Ah well, nobody's perfect.
). I developed a crush on her instantly. Over the next year, I saw her sporadically, but enough for my feelings for her to intensify -- yes, I think I actually developed real, true feelings for her; up til then, to be perfectly honest, I wasn't sure if I was capable of having strong feelings for someone in that way. I wouldn't go so far as to say I was in love with her, but... it's the closest I've ever come. So naturally, she was unavailable. She has a boyfriend, and from what I can tell, is very happy with him. While I of course don't begrudge them their happiness, it did naturally make my infatuation all the more unpleasant. It almost made me wish I could go back to being the cold, unfeeling bastard I used to be.
So yeah, I think I know how you feel Drone. All those years of feeling like romantic attachments were unnecessary, and then BAM -- it hits me when I least expect it. It probably would have been easier if I hadn't experienced those feelings, but, as has been said in this thread, we're not Vulcans, so what can you do?As for the girl in question, I've only seen her a few times this past year. Not being near her seems to help a bit, but when I do see her again...
I can't help but still be rather taken with her. On the plus side, though, knowing that I am capable of such emotions is kind of nice. Perhaps I'll experience them again someday, and perhaps next time, the circumstances will be more favourable (true, knowing my luck, the next girl I fall for will probably also be taken, but hey, a man can dream
). So I guess that's one way of focusing on the positive in such situations; I hope you'll be able to find some way of doing the same.
I think you have stated the situation very, very well, Daneel, and I can certainly relate to your experience(s). You and I are so much alike in so many ways. We're not the sociable types, but we do like having a few close friends. We're not seeking romantic attachments (at least that's what we tell ourselves), and yet our feelings (hormones, psychological stuff, etc.) are telling us otherwise--to reach out to someone, be attracted to someone. It's as if the heart has a mind of its own, or the mind has a heart of its own. It's especially difficult when you don't want to deal with such things. I'm sure you have your reasons just as I do. But just as others said, one either deals with those feelings (by trying to connect with someone) or one doesn't do anything and just try to cope, i.e., find a distraction or just let things be.
How interesting.
How interesting.
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