Indian-American Culture Drives Me Crazy

[Kestra]

At least the parts I'm exposed to living here. Don't get me wrong, I love being Indian and I'm grateful for my background. But sometimes they just drive me crazy!

Some of the values just seem so messed up. Just ... outdated and hypocritical and infuriating! Especially concerning relationships and sex and marriage and the whole deal. I know this is all ranty and incoherent but I'm so frustrated with my family, and family friends, and the greater community right now. I don't even know how to begin fighting some of the social attitudes. Or if I even should?

I'm sure some of you are surrounded by people who have very different values to what you believe. How do you cope with it?

 

[Captain_Nick]

Just accept that people think different to the way you do. Where I live, my neighbours are beer swilling ute drivers who think it is acceptable to stand around in the front of their property smoking what I hope is tobacco and wearing no shirts. But you don't see me over there exhorting them to improve themselves.

 

[An Officer]

If your relatives happen to come from a certain part of the globe, and uphold only those values, that does not mean that has to be your destiny, too. Why should your life be about a fight you may or may not ever win? It seems like a stressful way to live. The business of conflicting dual identities is not easy, unfortunately. Thankfully, we are born with free will, whether we choose to exercise it or not.

I believe the places we or our parents are born are merely an accident of birth, and should not be the deciding factor when we are choosing a life for ourselves - you may just as easily have been born among the Eskimo, does that mean you absolutely have to live in an Igloo? Be what you want to be, and don't let an accident of geography get in the way of that. Take what is good of your ancestry, and discard the negative, if it is harming you through stress, or inhibiting your free will in some way.

Differing values are just fine, but if someone is incapable of respecting my values and way of life, and believes their opinion is superior simply by virtue of latitude and longitude coordinates, then I have no qualms about calmly going our separate ways. If there is no live and let live, I do not care to socialise in a combat zone, there are far more productive and worthy things I could be doing with my time.

 

[Winged Victory]

I understand how you feel, Kestra. I'm Trinidadian on my mom's side, so the Indian culture is very prevalent in my family. Love the food, love my aunties and all my extended friends of the family.

But I could totally get rid of the outdated social values they seem to hold on to so tightly. My sister and I have many, many cousins who've already married, had kids, etc. They think we're going to end up as old spinsters since we're not married yet! It's crazy. They don't see my education or my career as accomplishments, since I've not married yet. My dad's side doesn't care if or when I get married or not. To have that constant pressure is just draining. It drives me so crazy too! Sometimes I want to scream when my mom even mentions the "M" word to me...

 

[indranee]

What, specifically, is bugging you, Kestra? Maybe a fellow Indian-American like me can help you in the rant lol?

 

[RoJoHen]

I come from a fairly cultureless family, so this has really never been an issue.

 

[BolianAuthor]

My family is Greek, but I wholeheartedly refuse to in any way present myself as "ethnic"... I am an American. I was born here, raised here, schooled here, and this is what I am. I dislike the fact that my mom especially refuses to assimilate to American culture... we can't even have a 4th of July without some kind of Greek food. It's not even a Greek holiday! Same with Thanksgiving... it has to be 50% Greek... I cannot say how much I hate that.

Ugh.

If anyone has ever seen "My Big Fat Greek Wedding"... I would choose the American family in that movie any day and in a second over the Greek one. I envy normal American families... I really do.

 

[Captain_Nick]

You have got to be kidding me. I am in a similar situation to yourself but by God I would take the Greek family over the dry toast American / Australian one any day.

 

[MetalPants]

It is not my family's culture that bugs me, it is the culture of the community that I grew up in that I despise.
This culture is heavily based on the drug trade, corrupt public officials, anti-education, and treatment of women as baby making machines, and the KKK. Heck, the Klan openly advertises its meetings in the local paper, and I generally get called a faggot because I try to speak properly.

 

[Kestra]

Take what is good of your ancestry, and discard the negative, if it is harming you through stress, or inhibiting your free will in some way.

This is the goal but I often fall far from it! Actually, I'm doing okay for myself. I'm married so I get nagged about that, and a lot of the other things my parents have learned to leave me alone about. I get frustrated with the attitudes though, even if they aren't directed to me specifically.

To have that constant pressure is just draining. It drives me so crazy too! Sometimes I want to scream when my mom even mentions the "M" word to me...

I'm sorry to hear that. Stay strong!

What, specifically, is bugging you, Kestra? Maybe a fellow Indian-American like me can help you in the rant lol?

I think I am particularly frustrated with all the attitudes about marriage, sex, and relationships right now. They seem so unreasonable and I hate seeing people pressured onto a particular path. Also just the general idea that your business is not your own, but is in fact up for a vote by the entire community.

My family is Greek, but I wholeheartedly refuse to in any way present myself as "ethnic"... I am an American. I was born here, raised here, schooled here, and this is what I am. I dislike the fact that my mom especially refuses to assimilate to American culture... we can't even have a 4th of July without some kind of Greek food. It's not even a Greek holiday! Same with Thanksgiving... it has to be 50% Greek... I cannot say how much I hate that.

Ugh.

If anyone has ever seen "My Big Fat Greek Wedding"... I would choose the American family in that movie any day and in a second over the Greek one. I envy normal American families... I really do.

Aww, I do think there are a lot of good things to come from having a mixed background. Also I'd argue that there are no "normal American families"!

 

[indranee]

Kestra, yeah, I agree. Do you have a lot of family here? I don't. I just have my immediate family and one uncle and his family living down in Southern VA. I'm like the black sheep of the family. I've done NOTHING they like when it comes to love and marriage etc. But my parents have sort of let me go. They know I'm really stubborn and know better than to bug me now. And my family back in India just say "oh, she's American".

And it doesn't help my case that my brother has done EVERYTHING that they wanted him to do when it came to marriage etc. But I sometimes wonder how happy he really is. I've a sneaking suspicion that I'm a hell of a lot happier than he is right now. And I want him to be happy because he deserves it

 

[RoJoHen]

While it is always nice to have the approval of one's family, it is not necessary. The best you can do is be yourself and hope that they accept it. If they can't, that's really more their problem that yours.

 

[Kestra]

Oh sorry, this isn't specifically about my family disapproving of me. I'm actually the golden child in that respect as I'm married and whatnot. It's the attitude of the community at large and watching other people conform to these ideals that irks me greatly.

 

[Captain_Nick]

Hmmm.

You could try leading by example.

But you're already married.

Hmm

Why do you allow this attitude to irk you so?

 

[RoJoHen]

Oh sorry, this isn't specifically about my family disapproving of me. I'm actually the golden child in that respect as I'm married and whatnot. It's the attitude of the community at large and watching other people conform to these ideals that irks me greatly.

I see. I guess I can't relate to that at all. There really isn't a cultural standard of living for white people from the suburbs.

 

[The Boy Who Cried Worf]

I had Indian food today. You got to admit that spinach thing that's made with Cinnamon is very good though.

 

[Subcommander R.]

Love the food. Don't know as much about the culture as I'd like. Extremely family-oriented, correct?

 

[Kestra]

I see. I guess I can't relate to that at all. There really isn't a cultural standard of living for white people from the suburbs.

We can switch places. I would be an awesome bartender!

Love the food. Don't know as much about the culture as I'd like. Extremely family-oriented, correct?

Generally, yes.

 

[Subcommander R.]

Generally, yes.

Right. Hindu or Sikh I imagine? Generally tradition and religion go hand in hand.

 

[Kestra]

Generally, yes.

Right. Hindu or Sikh I imagine? Generally tradition and religion go hand in hand.

Well I'm Hindu, but that's not really a big deal.