Indian-American Culture Drives Me Crazy

[Subcommander R.]

Sometimes its super huge for people. Its also a cultural thing if I understood my theology courses.

There's also the age gap. Thats a huge one. The older generations stay closer to traditions.

 

[Nick086]

My family is Greek, but I wholeheartedly refuse to in any way present myself as "ethnic"... I am an American. I was born here, raised here, schooled here, and this is what I am. I dislike the fact that my mom especially refuses to assimilate to American culture... we can't even have a 4th of July without some kind of Greek food. It's not even a Greek holiday! Same with Thanksgiving... it has to be 50% Greek... I cannot say how much I hate that.

Ugh.

If anyone has ever seen "My Big Fat Greek Wedding"... I would choose the American family in that movie any day and in a second over the Greek one. I envy normal American families... I really do.

ooow I love Greeks, I use to date a Greek guy. I would love to meet your family. How are they with Americans that have Russian, German, and Native American ancestry...

At least the parts I'm exposed to living here. Don't get me wrong, I love being Indian and I'm grateful for my background. But sometimes they just drive me crazy!

Some of the values just seem so messed up. Just ... outdated and hypocritical and infuriating! Especially concerning relationships and sex and marriage and the whole deal. I know this is all ranty and incoherent but I'm so frustrated with my family, and family friends, and the greater community right now. I don't even know how to begin fighting some of the social attitudes. Or if I even should?

I'm sure some of you are surrounded by people who have very different values to what you believe. How do you cope with it?

Never really agree with the arrange marriage. I believe the son's parents should pay for the wedding and not the daughter's family.

 

[Kestra]

Never really agree with the arrange marriage. I believe the son's parents should pay for the wedding and not the daughter's family.

Just out of curiosity, why should anyone's parents pay for a wedding? Or did you mean if it was arranged by them? Arranged weddings are still common among Indians, but they are by no means the only type of marriage.

 

[Ruaidhri]

Also just the general idea that your business is not your own, but is in fact up for a vote by the entire community.

This is particularly infuriating to me about South Asian culture. My girlfriend is Indian and had been painting this picture of her family being completely fractured by the revelation that she wanted to be with a gora. And of course there were the random men that they flew in over the last few years while they tried to play matchmaker for her.

In the end, it turned out that they're actually okay with me, but my girlfriend was explicit in telling me that she didn't know what she'd do if her father or her grandmother disapproved, and this mindset is just so incomprehemsible to me. I know that my parents will support any decision I make as far as relationships go, even if they disagree with it.

My GF's younger brother is getting married in the fall, and she's been under pressure because of the poor image it creates for the family that an older sibling isn't married yet. I doubt I'll ever get it.

 

[Kestra]

I hope you've addressed the confusion with her at least! It sounds problematic that she was making it seem like a bigger issue than it actually was.

 

[Nerys Ghemor]

If anyone has ever seen "My Big Fat Greek Wedding"... I would choose the American family in that movie any day and in a second over the Greek one. I envy normal American families... I really do.

But that was a caricature, though, wasn't it?

BTW, if I ever do something offensively wrong with my lead human character in The Thirteenth Order (a Greek man, raised in Greece but with some American ancestry and influence--the reverse of your situation, I guess), please do PM me and let me know what needs correction.

 

[Nick086]

Never really agree with the arrange marriage. I believe the son's parents should pay for the wedding and not the daughter's family.

Just out of curiosity, why should anyone's parents pay for a wedding? Or did you mean if it was arranged by them? Arranged weddings are still common among Indians, but they are by no means the only type of marriage.

How many Indians marry non Indians in America, Canada, or the UK?

 

[iguana_tonante]

I'm sure some of you are surrounded by people who have very different values to what you believe. How do you cope with it?

I fight it. I might not win today. I might not win tomorrow. But I will win eventually.

Why do you allow this attitude to irk you so?

She's Kestra. She cares.

 

[Tora Ziyal]

My family is Greek, but I wholeheartedly refuse to in any way present myself as "ethnic"... I am an American. I was born here, raised here, schooled here, and this is what I am. I dislike the fact that my mom especially refuses to assimilate to American culture... we can't even have a 4th of July without some kind of Greek food. It's not even a Greek holiday! Same with Thanksgiving... it has to be 50% Greek... I cannot say how much I hate that.

Ugh.

If anyone has ever seen "My Big Fat Greek Wedding"... I would choose the American family in that movie any day and in a second over the Greek one. I envy normal American families... I really do.

I take it your parents were born in Greece? In my experience, the pattern you're describing sounds like a normal immigrant family:

The first generation feels a strong connection to their native country and doesn't completely assimilate. The second generation (you) is gung-ho all-American. The third generation is just as American but is also interested in their heritage.

So be prepared for your kids to someday be asking grandma for recipes for those Greek foods she serves on the Fourth of July and Thanksgiving. (Yeah, I know, no kids. But you get my point.)

 

[Kestra]

How many Indians marry non Indians in America, Canada, or the UK?

I have no idea, why?

I'm sure some of you are surrounded by people who have very different values to what you believe. How do you cope with it?

I fight it. I might not win today. I might not win tomorrow. But I will win eventually.

I love this.

She's Kestra. She cares.

That pretty much sums me up.

 

[marillion]

I'm English/Irish/Dutch, so I can't complain about the cultures around me here in New Mexico without sounding racist...

So let me just complain about people here in general...

1. Whatever happened to saying "Thank you" when someone holds open a door for you, man or woman?

2. Is it REALLY that hard to put your turn signal on when shifting lanes?

3. And further.. Is it that hard to wave a "thank you" to me if I let you in ahead of me?

4. I realize you really like the music of your culture/youth, but please realize that in a suburban neighborhood, tightly packed homes act as sound barriers, which bounce your lovely music up and down the street when you blare it from your car.

5. And further.. Do you really need to rev your super-sized pickup truck at 5 am before heading to work?

6. The world isn't here for you to get free stuff.. AND... Just because I have some free goodies at my State Fair booth, you don't have to stuff your bag full of them without even 1. asking if you can have one AND 2. thanking me for providing them to you...

There.. I feel better now..

 

[indranee]

Never really agree with the arrange marriage. I believe the son's parents should pay for the wedding and not the daughter's family.

Just out of curiosity, why should anyone's parents pay for a wedding? Or did you mean if it was arranged by them? Arranged weddings are still common among Indians, but they are by no means the only type of marriage.

How many Indians marry non Indians in America, Canada, or the UK?

More and more these days, methinks.

 

[indranee]

I'm English/Irish/Dutch, so I can't complain about the cultures around me here in New Mexico without sounding racist...

So let me just complain about people here in general...

1. Whatever happened to saying "Thank you" when someone holds open a door for you, man or woman?

2. Is it REALLY that hard to put your turn signal on when shifting lanes?

3. And further.. Is it that hard to wave a "thank you" to me if I let you in ahead of me?

4. I realize you really like the music of your culture/youth, but please realize that in a suburban neighborhood, tightly packed homes act as sound barriers, which bounce your lovely music up and down the street when you blare it from your car.

5. And further.. Do you really need to rev your super-sized pickup truck at 5 am before heading to work?

6. The world isn't here for you to get free stuff.. AND... Just because I have some free goodies at my State Fair booth, you don't have to stuff your bag full of them without even 1. asking if you can have one AND 2. thanking me for providing them to you...

There.. I feel better now..

The biggest thing that bothers me is that there's no civility anymore. People are just so rude. To anyone and everyone. It's almost a scourge.

 

[iguana_tonante]

I fight it. I might not win today. I might not win tomorrow. But I will win eventually.

I love this.

I consider the struggle already won. All they are doing is holding back the waters for a bit longer, but the moon is waxing, and tide is rising. Times are a-changing. They always are.

She's Kestra. She cares.

That pretty much sums me up.

Yep.

 

[Nick086]

I'm English/Irish/Dutch, so I can't complain about the cultures around me here in New Mexico without sounding racist...

So let me just complain about people here in general...

1. Whatever happened to saying "Thank you" when someone holds open a door for you, man or woman?

2. Is it REALLY that hard to put your turn signal on when shifting lanes?

3. And further.. Is it that hard to wave a "thank you" to me if I let you in ahead of me?

4. I realize you really like the music of your culture/youth, but please realize that in a suburban neighborhood, tightly packed homes act as sound barriers, which bounce your lovely music up and down the street when you blare it from your car.

5. And further.. Do you really need to rev your super-sized pickup truck at 5 am before heading to work?

6. The world isn't here for you to get free stuff.. AND... Just because I have some free goodies at my State Fair booth, you don't have to stuff your bag full of them without even 1. asking if you can have one AND 2. thanking me for providing them to you...

There.. I feel better now..

The biggest thing that bothers me is that there's no civility anymore. People are just so rude. To anyone and everyone. It's almost a scourge.

Hard to be civil when you don't come from a civil country or get treated like a second class citizen back in the old country.

 

[indranee]

What are you talking about? What country?

 

[Nerys Ghemor]

I was going to say, there are parts of America that would sure make you think you're not in a civil country, as far as common courtesy is concerned. The way people drive around here... It's horrendous, but sometimes I don't even really notice HOW outrageous it is until someone comes to visit me from out of town and comments on it.

Or I go out of town and I really, REALLY have to restrain myself from speeding flagrantly, passing people on the right, and cutting all the way across the interstate if it looks open. (And MY driving is actually quite mild compared to a lot of people's around here. I actually look first and use a turn signal.)

 

[RJDiogenes]

Some of the values just seem so messed up. Just ... outdated and hypocritical and infuriating! Especially concerning relationships and sex and marriage and the whole deal.

Indian Americans must be related to Irish Americans.

I'm sure some of you are surrounded by people who have very different values to what you believe. How do you cope with it?

I've been trying to bring my relatives into the 20th Century most of my life. And keep in mind I was a kid back in the 60s and 70s when things were really changing, so we fought tooth and nail constantly. It did little good; none of them are much different than they were then. It doesn't effect me personally, of course, but I have an 11-year-old Niece who is brilliant and talented, and I'm afraid her potential will be squashed by my Mother teaching her that she should only do "girl" things.

 

[Ruaidhri]

I hope you've addressed the confusion with her at least! It sounds problematic that she was making it seem like a bigger issue than it actually was.

Well, she tends to be a bit of a drama queen (confirmed by her family when I brought this up, so I know it's not just my imagination, LOL), so I have chalked up the familial armageddon talk to that tendency. It didn't help that she's a bit of an activist around arranged marriage and culture based violence, so she's always got that stuff in her head. But geez, the grandmother hugged me, kissed me on both cheeks and said, "Welcome to the family!"