Let's stay on topic, yes.
There's a time and a place for personal jabs and swipes. Misc is neither.
Carry on.
There's a time and a place for personal jabs and swipes. Misc is neither.
Carry on.
I'm an ass and I don't know how to recover from this.
- Thread starter Aldo
- Start date
Well, it's happened a few times before. All different people of course.
-One stood me up because she found out I really liked her and didn't want to lead me on.
-One stood me up because her husband threw a tantrum when she told him what she was doing (ok, that one makes sense in context, but I didn't find that out until the day after we had plans).
And one was this girl.
Ok, so three isn't really that bad, and it's not so much the part about them cancelling that irks me, it's that they (for the most part) don't get in touch with me to say why they're cancelling.
Aldo, I don't know about you but being stood up (or thinking I've been stood up) is a pretty awful feeling. Now I stand by what I said in that you could have toned the drama when you originally posted here. But if people do this sort of thing to you, I want you to remember that they shouldn't treat you that way. Not a friend, not a stranger. Assuming that both parties have reasonable access to communicating with one another, this sort of thing shouldn't happen. Period.
I know that situations come up, and very rarely someone may genuinely forget the time or day, or be unable to contact you until after the event. In that situation they owe you an apology. Nothing drastic, just a simple apology that you can accept and move on.
But what I do want to make clear is that you deserve better. Acting badly yourself isn't okay, and doesn't help the situation, but I'm sure you're well aware of that. I don't always agree with you here, but you seem like a decent guy and I want to make sure you don't shortchange yourself in the future.
I know that situations come up, and very rarely someone may genuinely forget the time or day, or be unable to contact you until after the event. In that situation they owe you an apology. Nothing drastic, just a simple apology that you can accept and move on.
But what I do want to make clear is that you deserve better. Acting badly yourself isn't okay, and doesn't help the situation, but I'm sure you're well aware of that. I don't always agree with you here, but you seem like a decent guy and I want to make sure you don't shortchange yourself in the future.
I've never been stood up (well, not YET haha) but I imagine even the most secure and healthy person you could think of would have a difficulty just brushing it off.
Common thread seems to be that Aldo is 'crushing' on the women in question, letting things build up in his mind to much greater importance, whereas the women aren't being communicated with to that level, so aren't equating a random 'wanna hang out sometime?' to a happily ever after scenario...
Building things up so much in your head is a big part of the problem. Would suggest holding off on imagining greater things until after you've gone on a date or two, at least. Dates that both of you realize is a date.
Building things up so much in your head is a big part of the problem. Would suggest holding off on imagining greater things until after you've gone on a date or two, at least. Dates that both of you realize is a date.
Aldo, your behavior is creepy and potentially dangerous, especially when it's true that you're already in your 30s. You act like an insecure teenager for crying out loud.
I agree with Kestra, and have said as much in this thread, but I'll add just one thing. You can't control how others behave but you can control how you react. Personally, I try not to overreact to things because it generally doesn't get you anywhere. Although, I certainly struggle with that sometimes.
So, in this case, did you have a legit reason to be offended? Sure. But, I think you're realizing that being offended and reacting badly actually does nothing to improve the situation.
And, shoot, who knows, maybe reacting very generously may not improve the situation either in some cases (although I think generally the outcome is better) but not getting riled up is the less stressful course of action.
Mr Awe
Yes, maturity is best displayed by how much tail you drag in and how cool you look doing it.
It's his whole mindset, as Scout101 already hinted at, where he builds his dream castle all on his own without realizing that the outside world doesn't even notice. And then he copes with (misunderstood) rejection like that before anything happened. Just what will be when he gets dumped after a longer relationship?
She can be wrong for what she did and Aldo can still be wrong for investing so much in what is essentially a non-existent relationship.
I wouldn't think he's "dangerous," in any case. Just lonely and awkward.
So he built something up in his mind, got excited about it and then it didn't come to pass? Sounds like something pretty much everyone I know does.
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