I think my girlfriend is a Christian! Advice needed.

[MadBaggins]

Things have continued to go up and down with her over the last week. One low point came when I was helping her sort things are her church again. It was the first time I'd done so since we'd got together, I think. I thought she was through with all that as she'd agreed to make the huge commitment of going to a dangerous country on May the 4th, but apparently the church didn't think that was enough and wanted more out of her! Well I didn't mind helping out the poor people, of course, it's just the attitude of that smug church that gets to me. After we were finished one of the women there said "see you on Sunday!" to my girlfriend and she just happily nodded. After all the progress I've made convincing her that atheism is the way. She's so far along the "there probably isn't a god" point that she's almost at the correct "there definitely isn't a god" point...but now she's going to have to show up at that church on Sunday or they'll be questioning her and making her feel bad. It's like brainwashing.

Another bad incident came when I went to her house to see her but her two friends were there. As soon as I saw them I could feel the hate rising off them like steam. Even the one who doesn't hate me seems to hate me now, which is sad. The one who does hate me must have told her lies. I don't get why they don't want their friend to be happy. The absolute worst part was when my girlfriend left the room and I was standing there in front of those two harpies. I don't know why I didn't sit down. They were looking up at me with hateful eyes and the one who doesn't hate me (but does) said "I hope you're treating Girlfriend's Name right!" (I'm not saying her name.) Why would they even have to ask!? I said "always!" and checked my phone, just to break the eye contact with them before they turned me to stone! I could hear them sniggering at me as I did. Even worse was that I had a text message from Ed-Legs saying he wasn't coming to the WrestleMania party.

But things got better just last night. The best they've ever been. You know I was talking about the "journey" we've been on? I don't just mean the spiritual journey I'm guiding her alonge. I mean the emotional and physical journey between us as human beings. Well, we reached a destination along one very special part of that journey. It was not the way I'd been expecting to reach the destination, but it was nevertheless very pleasing for me (and she assured me it was for her as well.) Perhaps even more pleasing than the conventional method. It just goes to show that you shouldn't try to force things. Be patient, be cool, and you'll get what you've wanted since the start in the end. It made me even more determined than ever to not let her go. In fact I'm actually less worried now. After this new level of closeness we've reached, how can she possibly still want to go?

 

[archeryguy1701]

Just so we're clear.... by "journey", we're still talking about sex, right?

 

[cooleddie74]

"The conventional method."

You know...I just don't want to know. Nope.

 

[DonIago]

Maybe she's saving "the conventional method" for someone who isn't such an obvious tool.

 

[Aldo]

This last entry was pretty ho-hum. I was hoping for some more intrigue. Maybe if he slapped her friends a bit that might have spiced things up.

Or even better, maybe he could have slept with them as some way to get back at his Girlfriend for not leaving the church.

 

[Sean Aaron]

Well I've just read things I wish I could unread.

 

[Gov Kodos]

[yt]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9QyPGqB0ATc[/yt]

 

[Trekker4747]

But things got better just last night. The best they've ever been. You know I was talking about the "journey" we've been on? I don't just mean the spiritual journey I'm guiding her alonge. I mean the emotional and physical journey between us as human beings. Well, we reached a destination along one very special part of that journey. It was not the way I'd been expecting to reach the destination, but it was nevertheless very pleasing for me (and she assured me it was for her as well.) Perhaps even more pleasing than the conventional method. It just goes to show that you shouldn't try to force things. Be patient, be cool, and you'll get what you've wanted since the start in the end.

Let me guess: she fucked you in the ass with a dildo, right.

You know, given your sexual history I don't think saying "journey" is adding any romance or magic to this story, it actually makes you sound like more of a creep.

 

[cooleddie74]

Even worse was that I had a text message from Ed-Legs saying he wasn't coming to the WrestleMania party.

Ladies and gentlemen...nineteen words that should never, ever be spoken in the English language.

After this new level of closeness we've reached, how can she possibly still want to go?

I dunno...she could have a moment of clarity? Who bloody knows. Women are funny creatures.

 

[Australis]

Another bad incident came when I went to her house to see her but her two friends were there. As soon as I saw them I could feel the hate rising off them like steam. Even the one who doesn't hate me seems to hate me now, which is sad.

And yet, sadly, inevitable.

Squigs: Love the signal. You win the interwebs all over again, gave me the best laugh I've had in weeks.

(no, there hasn't been many laughs lately)

 

[Starkers]

Another bad incident came when I went to her house to see her but her two friends were there. As soon as I saw them I could feel the hate rising off them like steam. Even the one who doesn't hate me seems to hate me now, which is sad. The one who does hate me must have told her lies. I don't get why they don't want their friend to be happy.

Maybe they do...

But things got better just last night. The best they've ever been. You know I was talking about the "journey" we've been on? I don't just mean the spiritual journey I'm guiding her alonge. I mean the emotional and physical journey between us as human beings. Well, we reached a destination along one very special part of that journey. It was not the way I'd been expecting to reach the destination, but it was nevertheless very pleasing for me (and she assured me it was for her as well.) Perhaps even more pleasing than the conventional method.

Why do I get the feeling you were in seperate rooms when this happened?

 

[MadBaggins]

It has been a week of turmoil for our relationship yet again. It's like I'm in a war, but I'm not going to stop fighting. I don't care what the collateral damage is, I will win. But let's back up to last Sunday.

I ended up watching WrestleMania all on my own like a loser. None of my usual WrestleMania buddies wanted to watch or were able to, but my girlfriend told me she would. Well, I lied and told her I wasn't going to watch it anymore. It was better than suffer watching it with her, I think, even though it ended up being a lonely and depressing experience. Perhaps I did it out of pure spite, I don't know. All I know is that I was watching alone and I had a big huge bag of potato chips I'd bought a few weeks ago, the type that is usually shared between five people. Even then it might not be finished in one night, such is the size. Really, it was the biggest bag I'd ever seen. What did I do last Sunday? I ate the whole bag myself. I don't even know why. Again I think it could have been spite, like I was teaching my girlfriend a lesson by eating it all. I felt so fat by the end. I hated myself quite a lot.

But at least The Rock won.

Things were bad all week as I hardly saw my girlfriend. She said she'd been falling behind on her studies and really had to finish some work before she goes away next month. This made me angry and I thought of saying "well, if you weren't going away you wouldn't have to rush-rush and could spend time with ME!" I didn't say that, because I was still trying to play it cool, but I did try to distract her away from her work in subtle ways. I think subconsciously I believed if I could make her fail her classes she would have to cancel her trip and stay to repeat the work. It's not like I was purposely trying to do this, it was just somewhere at the back of my mind. That's what love does to me. Anyway, it didn't work, she locked herself away from me for days. I decided to play it patient again and show her what she means to me when she was finally free to see me again. I planned on asking her to go away with me on this Easter weekend. That was until I finally saw her and she told me she'd be busy...

She told me she was going to be hepling children with an Easter Egg hunt on Easter Sunday. WHAT THE FUCK! How could she be so selfish!? After I'd spent so many days away from her, letting her work away, she tells me that she can't spend one of the last few precious Sundays we'll have together with me!? I got so mad that playing it cool went straight out the window. I asked if they were stupid kids or something, the type that need extra attention. She said they were just normal. I raged and said I never had anyone helping me in my Easter egg hunts and that if she loved me she'd cancel it. She asked if I was actually being serious. I said I was being DEADLY serious. She looked confused for a long time. She said she thought I was joking when I said things like this. I told her this was no joke and then said she shouldn't even be doing Easter shit if she's an atheist now. She said she doesn't know what she is and that it's not a Christian thing anyway, it's just for the kids who love choclate eggs. I got so mad at this. I said it's either a Christian thing or it's not. Then I raged about the whole concept of Easter.

"Why do they have Good Friday and Easter Sunday and Easter Monday? Why not Easter Saturday? Why is it just called Saturday like normal? I know Jesus ALLEGEDLY died on Friday and came back on Monday, so why does the Sunday even get a special name? He was just lying dead in a cave during the Satuday and the Sunday, so why is the Sunday special? WHY?"

Then I said Easter wasn't even Christian and that the Christians just stole it from the Pagans like Christmas and Halloween. Look, even I'll admit that I was going a bit far here. I'd veered away from my reasonable argument about her caring about some stupid children more than me and was babbling on about Easter. She looke confused and hurt. I think she also knew that what I was saying, while not actually relevant to our agument, was true. She asked again if I was serious.

Well, I couldn't do it. I couldn't tell the truth and say again that yes, I was being deadly serious. I said no. I said I was just joking. I apologized. She didn't quite know how to take it at first but then I hugged her and eventually she returned the hug. I could feel a breath of relief vibrating through her soft body. I know that she knew that I really WAS serious and also that I was just saying I wasn't to let her off the hook. She knew she was lucky to get away with it and lucky I'd backed down because if I had continued the argument I would have destroyed her. She knew all that and I could feel it in our hug.

She told me she was still doing the Easter egg hunt. I said fine, but I was coming as well to help. She said that wasn't necssary, but I insisted. She said fine, enentually. So I'll be going egg hunting with her and the kids tomorrow! You know, even though it sounded stupid at first, I'm actually getting excited about the whole thing. At least we'll be together having fun and spreading happiness.

 

[horatio83]

Is this a diary or a novel? If it is the former you need help and if it is the latter you should give it a juicy title, something like Wrestling with Jesusgirl or Redneck Paradise or something a bit more imaginative.

 

[cooleddie74]

She told me she was going to be hepling children with an Easter Egg hunt on Easter Sunday. WHAT THE FUCK! How could she be so selfish!?

Yeah. How could she be so selfish. The nerve of that compassionate and kind-hearted skank. Quick...fuck her as much as you can before this evil train wreck of a human shell gets away from you.

I asked if they were stupid kids or something, the type that need extra attention.

That's it. Turn on the charm, Romeo. At this rate you'll be nailing atheist supermodels at the Special Olympics in no time.

I'd veered away from my reasonable argument about her caring about some stupid children more than me and was babbling on about Easter. She looke confused and hurt.

Yeah. As well all know, calling special needs kids "stupid" is part of any reasonable, well-thought-out argument. Richard Dawkins would be proud of ya, sport.

 

[BillJ]

I've watched this thread with a mixture of humor and pity.

MadBaggins, the way you've treated this girl makes you a douchebag. I have a feeling you'll die a lonely, lonely person.

 

[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

I don't think so BillJ. I predict in a few decades he will go mail order.

 

[BillJ]

I don't think so BillJ. I predict in a few decades he will go mail order.

Unlikely. By that time he will have spent all his money on WrestleMania and cat food.

 

[cooleddie74]

You know, I didn't think it was possible to give atheists a worse name than they already have. Then MadBaggins' adventures came along and set public tolerance of the community back a full decade. After this debacle no atheist group is ever going to be asked to cosponsor a special-needs kids' event.

Every time I read an MB update I either laugh so much I piss myself or throw up in my mouth a little. Either way I need a shower. That isn't right...even on TBBS.

 

[DonIago]

Just repeat to yourself, "None of this is Real" until the nausea and shortness of breath goes away.

 

[cooleddie74]

Oh, I know it's all just convoluted bullshit. If nothing else proved it the Christian wrestling did...and now this latest chapter does nothing whatsoever to increase my faith in his stories. I'm just disappointed that he has to call special needs children "stupid kids" in a made-up story...it's like some mean-spirited jab at those kind of children, and for what? To entertain us?

The entertainment was in the wrestling update with the folding chairs being cracked across backs. This chapter is just boring, nasty and unpleasant. If this is MB's idea of entertaining I'd hate to see his concept of boring somebody.