I think my girlfriend is a Christian! Advice needed.

[cooleddie74]

But then she just laughed like I was joking! This seems to happen a lot and it's starting to annoy me.

Really? The hell you say.

Also things are still progressing slowly with her in one area of our relationship. I don't want to say anymore but I think you know what I mean. It's been a long journey. We've come so close to reaching our "destination" in this "journey" if you know what I mean.

 

[Causchy]

I'm beginning to wonder if this entire thing isn't a huge, rambling "Purple Passion"-style story leading to a "May the 4th be With You" finale.

I really hate that I've put even that much thought into it.

 

[Vendikarr]

Also things are still progressing slowly with her in one area of our relationship. I don't want to say anymore but I think you know what I mean. It's been a long journey. We've come so close to reaching our "destination" in this "journey" if you know what I mean. But we never quite seem to arrive. It's worrying me, becaues if we're not close in every way by May 4th then I may lose her. And, despite how challenging our relationship can sometimes be, I can't let that happen. I won't let that happen.

He's justifying dumping her once he has sex with her. I see the writing on the wall.

 

[ManOnTheWave]

 

[Trekker4747]

Well, things haven't been going as great lately. May the 4th of looming on the horizon like a monster that I cannot escape.

Cinco de Mayo Eve, I know the feeling, my intestines weep to over the Mexican food festival I put myself through.

I think it's probably effecting the way I interact with my girlfriend, as my new "playing it cool" strategy has been failing me lately.

The hell you say!

I almost lost it with her in an argument over WrestleMania.

A sadder sentence has yet to be written. You'll probably get to it sooner or later, though.

I was talking about how excited I was about it when she said she was looking forward to watching it with me. This floored me. Not just that she'd want to watch it with me, but that she'd just assume she was without even asking. I instantly knew what it felt like to be trapped in a relationship and for a moment was almost glad that she was going away.

So let me get this straight:

You: "I plan on watching this show."
Her: "Yeah, I look forward to seeing it too!"
You: "Stop suffocating me!!!!"

Yep, that makes sense.

This was really selfish and immature of me and a huge step back from the man I am now.

Ed, I'd say it's more like a step sideways.

I quickly realized that I should think it's cool that my girlfriend is becoming interested in my main hobby.

Wait, she's into masturbation and auto-erotic asphyxiation too?

Still, I always watch WrestleMania with the guys: Thames, Ed-Legs, Shawn and sometimes Mad Dave.

Dude, your friends have stupid names. And what group of friends has a series of nick-names for one another and how did you come up with these? Next I expect someone to come up and say, "Call me the Ross-a-tron!" And "Ed-Legs" there's a terrible, horrifying, story in there somewhere, I'm sure.

We never have girls joining us.

Well, it's not like that's by choice...

Except my half cousin one year, but she's different from normal girls (she has Asperger's.)

NEEDLESS EXPOSITION MAKES ME ANGRY! ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S EXPOSITION AN ENTIRE SEASON WAS DEDICATED TO!

I calmed down and asked her why she wanted to watch it.

Pffft. Girlfriends wanting to bond with their beaus and find common interests. Pshaw!

She said she was starting to kind of enjoy wrestling from the few times I'd watched it with her in the room as it was "quite funny" (not sure what she meant there)

Have you watched most Professional Wrestling?! Isn't some of the characterizations and antics in it supposed to be funny?

I explained that I usually watched it with the guys. She pointed out that Thames probably wouldn't be there this year and I was forced to agree. I haven't spoken to him since that time he came over with his stupid kids, which is really unusual as we used to speak every day.

It's sort of telling she knows more about your friends and their plans than you do.

And Mad Dave is unreliable and wasn't at last year's WrestleMania.

Ha-ha. Ohhh, that is so Mad Dave!

That just leaves Shawn and Ed-Legs and Shawn is more Thames' friend...

Seeing as how Shawn doesn't have a wacky name I'm guessing he's the "outcast" of your group. Sort of like that "fat friend" that every group of cute girls has. Except I'm guessing Shawn is the "normal" one of the group who has a steady job, a wife and kids in suburbia stock options and all of that. So he's more like the skinny one in a group of fat girls.

It's really annoying as I like to watch with as many people as possible so we can share the bill. But with just me and Ed-Legs we'd both be paying quite a lot. And even if my girlfriend came in would she pay her share or just expect to watch WrestleMania on my dime?

Are wrestling matches on pay-per-view? And are they really that expensive? I mean how hard can it be to come up with $20? Wait... never mind.

Plus I'd have to explain all the storylines to her (she's already confused as to why The Rock is doing a match when he's such a good actor and doesn't need to) and that would distract me.

Yeah, the storylines in WWE are so complex and intertwined. It's like Lost for rednecks. Except I suspect the series finale will be more satisfying.

I had to put my foot down and tell her she couldn't come. But then she just laughed like I was joking! This seems to happen a lot and it's starting to annoy me.

Guess we know who wears the pants in your relationship, then.

Also things are still progressing slowly with her in one area of our relationship. I don't want to say anymore but I think you know what I mean.

Really, after having an orgy with your cousin and some strange dude what could she really offer you?

It's been a long journey. We've come so close to reaching our "destination" in this "journey" if you know what I mean. But we never quite seem to arrive.

You realize you've openly discussed sex with us here before, that you're an adult, most of the rest of us are adults and there's only the thinnest of rules here when it comes to such discussions so there's "no" "need' to "use" "code" to tell us you've not yet laid her.

It's worrying me, becaues if we're not close in every way by May 4th then I may lose her. And, despite how challenging our relationship can sometimes be, I can't let that happen. I won't let that happen.

Yep, because no relationship can work unless some fucking has gone down. Just look at how well having the sex has worked out for you in past relationships.

 

[Kemaiku]

Please leave that to Squiggy.

 

[cooleddie74]

Thames, Ed-Legs, Shawn and Mad Dave.

Sound like members from a 1960's pop band. Or characters in THE ROAD WARRIOR.

[Mel Gibson] Listen, girlie...you wanna do charity work overseas? You gotta go through ME. [/Mel Gibson]

 

[DonIago]

This thread is worthless without more Van Der Beek.

Was I the only one assuming that Mad Dave must be MadBaggins' brother?

 

[ManOnTheWave]

Squiggy! We need you!

 

[cooleddie74]

Damn shame we don't have a Squiggy Signal we can aim up at the skies to call for his wiseass remarks when we need them. Although we're a creative and talented bunch around here...I'm sure we could come up with one.

An outline of the Hypnotoad against the night sky? Yeah. Let's go with that shit.

 

[Chaos Descending]

What's a "half cousin"?

 

[Trekker4747]

Please leave that to Squiggy.

Get him in here to do it.

Or, you know, put me on ignore since you obviously don't like my posts.

What's a "half cousin"?

The child of a parent's half-sibling?

 

[cooleddie74]

I'm beginning to wonder if this entire thing isn't a huge, rambling "Purple Passion"-style story leading to a "May the 4th be With You" finale.

I really hate that I've put even that much thought into it.

Well done, Padawan learner. You may be new here, but you're learning the ropes fast. I am impressed, Grasshopper.

 

[Squiggy]

 

[cooleddie74]

Na na na na na na na na, KILT MAN...

 

[ManOnTheWave]

Saved.

 

[archeryguy1701]

If this season doesn't include at least one stone cold stunner, I will be sorely disappointed. Preferably, have it be on an innocent civilian who doesn't know it's coming.

 

[Saga]

MadBaggins' stories need lens flare.

There. I said it. But we've all been thinking it. If he cares one whit about his audience he'll listen to us.

 

[DonIago]

Needs more flare; I can still read some of the text. A good start, though!

 

[cooleddie74]

"You know, Ed-Legs wrote a stupid story that took only twelve minutes. It entertained eight hundred people. Including Mad Dave. And You.

I dare you to do better."