I think my girlfriend is a Christian! Advice needed.

[cooleddie74]

Your name isn't T.J. and Thames' name isn't really Brodie is it?

MALLRATS reference. Not bad.


Certainly more culturally relevant and interesting than MB's stories. What's next? She becomes a full-blown atheist and hangs pictures of Richard Dawkins in her bedroom? Does "special things together" involve Astroglide, a funnel and a zipper mask? And these mysterious "Hypcrats"? Are they an ancient Greek school of philosophy? Or Democrats who are into the Bohemian lifestyle and hang around coffee houses all the time? There are so many questions...so few answers. MB is a mystery wrapped in a riddle inside an enigma.

 

[ManOnTheWave]

I've got her to agnostic now and I think (though she hasn't said anything) that she's leaning towards atheist. I'm amazed at how well this has gone.

That's it. Break her spirit. To properly indoctrinate her into your harem cult, you'll have to kidnap her to cut off all ties to her family.

 

[Trekker4747]

MB is a mystery wrapped in a riddle inside an enigma.

And then crammed up the asshole of confusion.

 

[cooleddie74]

All I can say to MB is...congrats. You somehow managed to turn your engrossing tale of love gone wrong into an epic journey of personal reflection and of a girl who has seen the error of her ways under your wise tutelage. I can't wait for the next chapter of this momentous story.

Bravo, MB. You are a giant among men. We all bow to you. We are not worthy.

 

[Trekker4747]

Okay, I'm starting a betting pool.

I'm going to take "MB fully converts School Girl to Atheism before he becomes a Born-Again Christian."

 

[cooleddie74]

I've got my eyes on MadBaggins.

We'll see what happens. This should be interesting.

 

[Squiggy]

Hey James?

Tag me, I'm in!

I've got her to agnostic now

You say this as if you're convincing her to go anal. (spoiler alert)

and I think (though she hasn't said anything) that she's leaning towards atheist.

Or like she's picking a minor.

I'm amazed at how well this has gone.

I'm glad she's so rock solid in her convictions. This only bodes well for you. Apparently anyone can talk her into anything as long as they have something shiny.

Luckily she wasn't a serious Christian, just one of those casual Christians who believes because they don't want to go to Hell.

That's why most of them beleive.

They're pretty easy to convince it's all a load of crap when you explain to them that there is no afterlife

Oh, is that all? YOU'VE BROKEN THE CODE.

(unless it can be explained by science, such as all our thoughts and experiences being sucked into a kind of wormhole when we die. I'm interest in theories like that.)

You mean the theories you just pull out of your ass?

There was a new problem when I met her parents again recently.

You can't meet someone again. You meet someone once.

I'd hoped they'd be at the hospital with her brother so that we could go straight to the bedroom

How noble.

, but they turned out to be unexpectedly home.

You alluded to that 2 sentences ago.

Her mother is nice,

SPOILER ALERT

but her father was like Al Pacino

...in?

in Meet The Parents

No. Just no.

and was really questioning me.

Like Jack Black in Serpico?

He asked my age more than once and I eventually had to tell him.

It's good to know that you're trying to bang this girl in her parents' house without them knowing the slightest thing about you.

So I'm six years older than her, so what?

I'm just glad you didn't stand on the table, pull down your pants in an anxious fit of god-knows-what and shout "EVERYTHING YOU KNOW IS A LIE!"

We never even considered that could be an issue.

Since he had to ask you several times, it seems as though you did consider it an issue.

Her father looks older than her mother too

Men tend to do that. It's not fair. But hey, at least we own everything. I mean, am I right?

, so if he thinks it's a problem he's quite the hypcrat.

I think you mean Thundercat.

He kept saying his daughter is very special and has a bright future doing important things.

Seems both vauge and sinister.

Well she's very special to me as well and I'm hopeful we can do those special things together.

IN YOUR PANTS.
Thanks James.

 

[cooleddie74]

MadBaggins stories are like slasher films. They go on for four chapters too many and there's a lot of screaming involved. Even Richard Dawkins would have yawned, scratched his balls and clicked on another thread by now.

I'm not married and I'm not in a committed relationship so I'm not exactly the best person to give advice on successful long-term romance, but after reading MB's tales I get the feeling an orangutan with a bad temper could do a better job of wooing a Christian girl into bed.

 

[Trekker4747]

They're pretty easy to convince it's all a load of crap when you explain to them that there is no afterlife

Oh, is that all? YOU'VE BROKEN THE CODE.

 

[cooleddie74]

Her mother is nice, but her father was like Al Pacino in Meet The Parents

I don't know about you, but I adore Hulk Hogan's Oscar-nominated performance in THE WRESTLER.

 

[Robert Maxwell]

This was certainly a believable plot twist.

 

[DonIago]

^^I preferred John Holmes in The Pianist myself.

 

[CorporalCaptain]

Audrey Tautou is hot.

 

[cooleddie74]

Am I the only person who thinks it's mighty suspicious that a hardcore atheist could get a practicing Christian to convert to agnosticism this quickly? And after being a pest to the girl for so long? Even if she's just a casual believer it usually takes more than an irritating atheist trying to get in a woman's pants to change her entire worldview.

I smell PLOT TWIST!

Keep those Emmys and Oscars handy.

 

[Trekker4747]

Remember, MadBaggins read and understood The Bible to a life-changing degree inside of a day. He has mad Theological Skilz.

 

[cooleddie74]

When it comes to atheism or the intricacies of love he's a gangsta. His pimp hand must be strong. Women of faith everywhere should be on guard against his wiles.

 

[Squiggy]

They're pretty easy to convince it's all a load of crap when you explain to them that there is no afterlife

Oh, is that all? YOU'VE BROKEN THE CODE.

Well played.

 

[cooleddie74]

MB would try to get the Pope to turn atheist just so he can sleep with him. But it'd be worth it to see the Swiss Guard pummel him with their ceremonial axes.

 

[sidious618]

I'm not surprised that MB was able to switch her fast. He's a talented man and can do anything he sets his mind to. This is a man who should be put in a position of power.

 

[cooleddie74]

Let's make him Prime Minister of Italy. Only a man of his skills could straighten out that corrupt Catholic hellhole AND sleep with all the women he can.