I met someone ?

[Kestra]

I understand how she feels to a degree because I've been there before. But I finally decided that you can't just put in your share when it comes to marriage. You always have to put in 100%, even if the person doesn't "deserve" it at the time. That's how I see it anyway, at least for minor issues.

 

[FPAlpha]

I'm working at it. We talked last night. She says that she doesn't have feelings of affection for me since she sees me more as an anchor, rather than a partner.

Whoah there.. everything else that comes after is unimportant compared to this.

She doesn't love you anymore? For real? Seems you are just "that guy" who brings home the paycheck each month and is good to the kid.
What kind of marriage is that? Can it even be called one?

I may be naive or too romantic but if there are no feelings anymore between two people or one has lost that feeling what kind of life is that supposed to be returning home to an aquaintance rather to a person who loves you.

I can't believe it's because of your sloppiness or lazyness.. that may be a factor for marital problems but to lose love over something like that seems implausible to me.

It's your life and your marriage and obviously we don't know all the detail and we don't know you both inside out like close friends but honestly.. if any woman i'm with said this to me it would be the biggest crack in our relationship if she really means it and i wouldn't know how to live with a person that's turned from lover to roommate.

 

[sbk1234]

It's a pickle, alright.

After a while, I'm going to ask her what she feels she can do to help the relationship. For right now, I'm going to try to do my 100%, as has been mentioned.

I do have to say it's not so black and white, as it may seem.

 

[Australis]

You are "in the wrong", for want of a better phrase, so you have to do most of the running. That said, things might not have been so fragile if both of you hadn't become set in your ways and expectations. And:

You feel like something's wrong in your relationship, you talk to your partner about it and she goes into attack dog mode, where the whole situation gets blamed on you. "If you want this to work, you have to change" and that's just poisonous.

This. Absolutely.

 

[Captain Robau]

I'm working at it. We talked last night. She says that she doesn't have feelings of affection for me since she sees me more as an anchor, rather than a partner. I don't hold up my end of things in the house. We talked about what more I need to do. Although I agreed to do what we talked about, she's skeptical, since we've been down this road before, and I'll keep it up for a short time, then fall off. There's truth to that, although at the time, I don't think I'm aware of it. We definately have different perceptions of things, and we both understand that. the good part is although she's thought about divorce, it's not what she wants to do. I believe she wants this marriage to work.
What bothers me, is that it seems all aspects of change fall upon me. When I talk about lack of affection, for instance, I hear that she doesn't feel affectionate because of my not carrying my weight. So the responsibility falls to me.
She does admit I'm a good father, which is a big part of the reason why she doesn't want divorce.
I'll try. I've made a list of everything I need to do every day as my daily responsibilities. Hopefully I'll keep it up.
I appreciate you guys letting me vent like this, and I appreciate your words of advice. Honestly, I don't really feel like I have too many people - anyone - I can really talk to about this. Even my own family are much closer to my wife than they are with me.
Thanks for everything.

Women's attitudes like that - I gotta say - are pretty commom. It sounds like she has some bitterness or other unresolved issues with you. This stuff has definitely built up over time and will take time for it to get better.

Counseling will be great because someone who is objective can view ya'lls situation and help you out, that way there is far less finger pointing and she will find out that not everything is your fault.

Definitely a good thing she wants to work on things. PM me if you ever need someone to talk to - a lot of things in your marriage seem like issues I have gone through/am going through.

 

[Mr Awe]

It's a pickle, alright.

After a while, I'm going to ask her what she feels she can do to help the relationship. For right now, I'm going to try to do my 100%, as has been mentioned.

I do have to say it's not so black and white, as it may seem.

Agree, do what she asks. See if things change on her end. If they don't, you should revisit. You can try talking to her saying, look I changed, now here's what you need to do. If that doesn't work, you should definitely seek counseling at that point.

But, yes, do as she asks and give her a chance to come around first.

Mr Awe

 

[sbk1234]

Thanks, all.