I have bad news for you all. (SPOILERS!)

[Newspaper Taxi]

It turns out that your planet Earth is not a real Earth. Your ansesctors were kidnapped and displaced onto the planet you currently refer to as "Earth," which in the rest of this message I will list as Sol III. In the last three centuries or so your societal development has faltered, to say the least.

The real humans on the real Earth managed to overcome their differences and build a unified world government; they also gave up the concept of 'money' and the sexes are equal. Their technology is more advanced; as you can see, they have starships capable of going much faster than the speed of light itself.

Since the time of your displacement to Sol III humanity has become a member of an organization of different alein species who live together in harmony. If you'd like, the Federation would like to open diplomatic relationships with you backwards, backwards people. If not, the Federation will leave you alone. We would like to educate on how seriously out of touch you are with the universe.


...How do you feel?

 

[Skywalker]

I, for one, welcome our new human overlords.

 

[CommanderRaytas]

Huh?

 

[EnsignRicky]

So we're not descended from Cylons?

 

[Vonstadt]

Damn, and here I was pulling for the 'Grays' manipulating our DNA. Oh well another office pool I've lost in

 

[barnaclelapse]

Can I still enjoy emotionally battered hookers, NYC hot dogs and whiskey at seven in the morning?

Yes?

Good, fine, who cares.

 

[Hambone]

I am intrigued by your theories and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

 

[FredH]

In the last three centuries or so your societal development has faltered, to say the least.

Because in the glorious United Federation of Planets, minor cultural features like trepanning and heretic-burning are A-OK!

 

[marylizz]

I'd say, "Hey, there's a tv-show franchise just like that!"

I'd actually probably think that's fantastic.
Of course, our current governmental powers would most likely blast the messengers out of the skies before they hear the message.

 

[Vance]

I am intrigued by your theories and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

"cheaply xeroxed" newsletter...

 

[Kegg]

This wouldn't be that Earth-shattering. It's basically saying that hey, there are people out there better than us. And that a lot of them are human. And they'd be willing to help make us better.

I'd generally find this as a very reassuring development.

So we're not descended from Cylons?

Nope, we're descended from Golgafrinchans.

 

[The Castellan]

This wouldn't be that Earth-shattering. It's basically saying that hey, there are people out there better than us. And that a lot of them are human. And they'd be willing to help make us better.

I'd generally find this as a very reassuring development.

So we're not descended from Cylons?

Nope, we're descended from Golgafrinchans.

I would not find any of this disturbing. In fact, I would find it....promising.

I would not be surprised if this was actually the case, as well. Seen alot of odd anomolies in this solar system that might suggest something akin to that.

 

[RandyS]

All my life, I've been haunted by the feeling that SOMETHING was going on in the world.....and nobody who tell me what it is.......

 

[GhostFaceSaint]

My suspicions are confirmed, I knew it all along!!!

 

[Balthier the Great]

This wouldn't be that Earth-shattering. It's basically saying that hey, there are people out there better than us. And that a lot of them are human. And they'd be willing to help make us better.

I'd generally find this as a very reassuring development.

So we're not descended from Cylons?

Nope, we're descended from Golgafrinchans.

I would not find any of this disturbing. In fact, I would find it....promising.

I would not be surprised if this was actually the case, as well. Seen alot of odd anomolies in this solar system that might suggest something akin to that.

What anomalies could POSSIBLY make you think that we aren't from good ol' Sol?

 

[GhostFaceSaint]

This wouldn't be that Earth-shattering. It's basically saying that hey, there are people out there better than us. And that a lot of them are human. And they'd be willing to help make us better.

I'd generally find this as a very reassuring development.


Nope, we're descended from Golgafrinchans.

I would not find any of this disturbing. In fact, I would find it....promising.

I would not be surprised if this was actually the case, as well. Seen alot of odd anomolies in this solar system that might suggest something akin to that.

What anomalies could POSSIBLY make you think that we aren't from good ol' Sol?

Your just in denial, sad really, why can't you admit the truth to yourself? You will feel so much better if you admit that he's right.

 

[Sector 7]

We must kill GhostFaceSaint! He's on to us...

 

[USS KG5]

So we're not descended from Cylons?

Nope - but our oldest common female ancestor was a Cylon/Human hybrid.

Also, if I ever hear a hot blonde and poncy bloke talking about God in the street, I'm gonna flip.

 

[WillsBabe]

Does this mean I don't have to go into work tomorrow?

 

[iguana_tonante]

I'm ready to relocate. Actually, give me five minutes and I'll have my luggages done.