I didn't want to post this, but I feel I should...

[PKTrekGirl]

I think you have a great attitude, and that is key to passing any professional exam.

I don't have many attorney friends...but as a CPA, I have alot of CPA friends...and I can tell you that I know plenty of people who had to take that test multiple times to pass all of it.

No shame in that. They make these tests tough for a reason...and that reason is to weed out all the ones who will not persevere.

You are not one of those people! Your posts say that pretty clearly!

 

[propita]

May I ask, how you studied for the exam the first time? I might be able to give you suggestions.

I went to all the barbri classes, took notes, reviewed them, expanded their included outlines with details, submitted essays and pts for grading--which did end up with more-than-minimum-passing grades. And studied every day for 8 weeks.

In other words, I did everything I was supposed to do and had the proven ability to do it for the Bar itself. I was getting very frustrated even before that with increasing problems with thinking, which I was told likely due to the thyroid problem which had been plaguing me for a year, slowing my thinking. That alone was frustrating, being aware that I couldn't think, searching for words when I should not have been. I cried to Mom about that one--I have always loved words and reading, and to suddenly not be able to use them or have them make sense anywhere near like my normal? I felt like "Charlie" from the movie and "Flowers for Algernon" to the point where I wondered if I would ever be able to think right again.

That really was not helping with my stress. Hubby is still concerned about my bp--he told me the cardiologist had indeed scared him into thinking a major heart attack was on its way. He's not quite as worried, but still ... basically this has all let me know just how much he loves me.

 

[sidious618]

Some of the smartest people choke on tests. Don't fret about it. You'll do better next time.

 

[trampledamage]

In other words, I did everything I was supposed to do and had the proven ability to do it for the Bar itself. I was getting very frustrated even before that with increasing problems with thinking, which I was told likely due to the thyroid problem which had been plaguing me for a year, slowing my thinking. That alone was frustrating, being aware that I couldn't think, searching for words when I should not have been. I cried to Mom about that one--I have always loved words and reading, and to suddenly not be able to use them or have them make sense anywhere near like my normal? I felt like "Charlie" from the movie and "Flowers for Algernon" to the point where I wondered if I would ever be able to think right again.

Sounds like if you get your thyroid problems under control, the exam will go well. I hope you can.

 

[propita]

Strangely, that's what I'm hoping--but right now, they're chasing the right dosage. I'm going to ask them to overshoot it if necessary, at least until after the Bar, if possible. I'm told 1 ug per pound is typical--I haven't weighed 125 lbs in 25 years! I won't say how much, but 150 ug would still be...well, it would be closer. Not there, but at least closer.

 

[Kestra]

Strangely, that's what I'm hoping--but right now, they're chasing the right dosage. I'm going to ask them to overshoot it if necessary, at least until after the Bar, if possible. I'm told 1 ug per pound is typical--I haven't weighed 125 lbs in 25 years! I won't say how much, but 150 ug would still be...well, it would be closer. Not there, but at least closer.

I dunno, I had to go up to 200 to bring mine to the right level and I weigh nowhere near 200lbs! I totally get what you're saying about the thyroid thing though. I'm really bad at noticing when I'm off, but when I get back to the right levels the change is quite amazing for me. I'm not sure it works that way for everyone and I've managed to work through high TSH levels, but I definitely don't think as clearly.

 

[propita]

"Don't think as clearly" is right.

My TSH started at 5.5. It was down to 2.5 before the Bar, but was up to 3.0 after. So it likely was bad. Dr raised my dosage, but I can tell even now that it's not enough--my nails are back to being brittle and my thinking is off. Again.

Add that the cardiologist is worried about my cardio-reactive protein reading. Evidently, it measures ALL inflammation but it often used regarding cardio-inflammation, which sounds ridiculous for exactly what happened with me regarding this. It's what scared the cardiologist: a reading > 3 is considered high risk for heart attack; mine was 22.5. They were trying to figure out why I was alive. Must be total inflammation, but even if that, that's a lot of inflammation.

 

[Kestra]

My TSH started at 5.5. It was down to 2.5 before the Bar, but was up to 3.0 after. So it likely was bad. Dr raised my dosage, but I can tell even now that it's not enough--my nails are back to being brittle and my thinking is off. Again.

Isn't 3.0 in the normal range though? I thought normal was something up to like 4.0 or 5.0? But I guess if you have symptoms, that's more important.

 

[propita]

They're starting to prefer it be under 2.0, if symptoms continue over 2.0.

 

[TheBrew]

First of all, you should be happy that you just took the test. Sometimes it's not the outcome that matters, but the doing. That's not to say that your test results aren't important, but your self worth shouldn't be wrapped in the results. You did more than most just getting this far.

I took my first professional exam last summer and I got the worst score imaginable: I failed it by half a question. Some of the questions were the kind where you had to pick multiple answers and I got half of one of those wrong.

But I studied a bit more and passed it the 2nd time. And this was for a simple tech certification.

What I am trying to ramble about on is: Congrats on taking the exam and I am sure you will pass the next time!

 

[trampledamage]

TheBrew's right - getting to the point of taking the Bar exam is a major achievement in and of itself!

 

[The Boy Who Cried Worf]

Hi, Propita. I am glad you did post this here you know how much all of us are behind you. I won't even try and give you some platitudes. As a fellow sufferer of depression and low self-esteem I know how I would feel. Try and take comfort in all the people close to you who are give you love and support. Take care of your health problems first, you shouldn't have those on your mind at the same time you are planning for the future. And trust those people who are more objective, like your professors, on their advice about how you can improve. It is obvious you have the knowledge and ability to pass there are just other things in the way right now. Take care of yourself, take things slowly, and keep us updated. We are all pulling for you.

 

[propita]

I stopped by my school today. Talked to some profs. They all say what I've been thinking--it's my decision whether to re-take the Bar in Feb or July, waiting until July runs the risk of my learning going cold, going for Feb runs the risk of the same problem (that my thinking/memory will still be screwed).

They were all very supportive. It's "wow!" to hear a prof say they're surprised at the result because they believed you had the best understanding of the material in the class. I'm not sure they had totally believed how serious my problem was (my highly-expressed emotionalism tends to do that)--heck, I'm not sure I totally believed how serious my problem was until I thought about all Hubby had said. And today's chest pain kinda confirmed that this has the potential to be bad.

So, postponing would allow me to get my health and memory improved, and not stuff everything into my head. I never liked that, it usually results in my completely forgetting everything immediately. Like now.

One prof had a good outlook: "You didn't fail. You just haven't passed yet."

 

[Peacemaker]

Look...

I'm a drug addict...have been for a long time. One reason I did drugs was to self-medicate.

A few weeks ago, I went through sheer hell. I won't tell the story, because it's extremely personal, but it's so wild that my own friends thought I was hallucinating - which I wasn't. It was just that bad a trip (as in trip to Vegas). At any rate, I failed a test while there...and hell week ensued...BUT I STAYED SOBER.

It was probably the biggest thing I've dealt with in ten years. Sure, I had an emotional breakdown at the end,BUT I STAYED SOBER.

That means more to me than passing the test.

So,the moral of my story for you is this: Sure didn't pass the bar on the first try. Check. BUT YOU DIDN"T GET ALL DEPRESSED!

Which is the bigger test? I say the latter, not the former.

So, chin up! You passed a helluva bigger test just like me. Welcome to the club...BE PROUD of that and let that drive you to do better the next time around.

 

[propita]

Peacemaker, that is EXACTLY how I feel, and what I've posted. This was 4 years worth of work. My self-confidence is the product of 40 years worth of work.

I want to pass it, if for no other reason, than to finish the job.

I spoke with the prof who recommended the shrink I've been seeing. I hadn't told her before that he was clearing me to wean off that med. When I did, she immediately understood, better than most, exactly what that meant. SUCCESS!! Regardless of the damn test result.

 

[Triskelion]

Propita at least you're not trying to get a driver's license in Korea.

Learning is state-dependent; altering your biochemical homeostasis is going to affect your ability to recall; especially with the stress of a test like that one. As you said, you just took too long. It's not like you couldn't do it. Next time you'll knock it out of the park!

Try visualizing your success rather than preparing for the worst. We tend to attract what we imagine most. You know what else is good for confidence? Hypnotherapy.

You can do it! </man with goat>

 

[propita]

Propita at least you're not trying to get a driver's license in Korea.

I read about that one. Funny and good for her!

You can do it! </man with goat>

But can I "do it all night!"?

Love that line!

 

[freak]

You have nothing to be ashamed about, propita! So sorry it happened to you though. That really sucks big time! But don't beat yourself up over it. Just try try again! Keep your chin up as well. At least you can take exams! I have major test anxiety...has kept me from getting good grades all my life in school as well as college.And I'm terrible at tests!

 

[wew]

I'd say if you gave it your best shot at the time, then that is what matters, if you sloughed it off (not that you give that impression) then you got what you deserved.

I'd personally suggest the February date, as the material will be fresher.

I had to take two mandatory exams, a language proficiency exam and my comps. I failed my language exam by 10 points, however I took it 30 days later at the next scheduled date and passed it by a 35 point margin. In fact even missed my sister's wedding to do the exam.

The comprehensives were an entirely different ball of wax, four days averaging 8 hours a day to complete. I drove the admistrative staff so crazy with my concerns about the grading and taking of the test, I was banished from the main office for two weeks, except to pick up my mail.

When the oral exams were scheduled, the last in my group, my professors felt so concerned about my mental state, they ordered the third candidate not to discuss how bad her oral exam went (she passed, despite her advisor blind siding her with the first question.) She was to state that she passed, but nothing else about the experience. When my turn, came it turned out be be easier than thought.

Sounds like you should be able to easily pass on your next go around. Keep studying and have faith in yourself.

 

[JAG]

You tried and that is half the battle. You will do fine when you take it again.