I am bored-so let us make fun of Nemesis again

[duranduran]

I was very bored so I thought I would invite you to make fun of Nemesis and Shinzon and Schmiter.

Baldy Shinzon with his baldy pate and his bulging veins,throbbing heads.

Who will do the honors first?

 

[Trekker4747]

"Captain? See this little device? This is a personal transporter. Even though transporters are emmense, complicated, machines that need tons and tons of energy to operate and our understanding and application of transport technology has only changed scantly in the last 200 years, I can now carry one in my pocket. Hell! It even transports itself! Somehow!"

 

[GreenBlood]

Shinzon is a little brat. What he needs is a good, firm spanking. Who do you think is a good fit for the job?

 

[cardinal biggles]

What the hell... this thread needs more polls!

 

[ancient]

Geordi: "Captain, they're preparing to fire their doomsday weapon. Fortunately, it requires seven minutes for them to fire, because the ship has to do a transformers morph in order to fire.

"This allows enough time for you to beam over ALONE to take on Shinzon and his goons 1-to-1.

"Also, for some reason the power core is unshielded and located on the bridge. Yeesh, no wonder Shinzon is dying, what with all the radiation."

 

[Trekker4747]

"Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm evil! I'm going to destroy Earth!"
"Why? Weren't you imprisoned and abused by Romulans your whole life?"
"Quiet you!"

 

[DonIago]

Stuart Baird with clipboard in hand-

Actor who can overact playing enemy- check.

Two big powerful ships- check.

Good captain who feels old- check.

Secondary characters moving on with lives- check.

Character who audience will assume is friendly but will turn on them at pivotal time unless stopped- check.

Big honking space battle with pretty colorful background- check.

Big bomb clock at movie's climax- check.

Death of beloved primary character, preferably character of a logical bent whose never faced a "no-win scenario", or something- check.

Main characters take a moment to discuss death- check.

Movie ends on depressing yet oddly hopeful note- check.

Paycheck received- CHECK CHECK CHECK.

My gods, this will be better than Star Trek 2. I'm going to Disneyland!

 

[Jack Bauer]

Stuart Baird looks like Styles from Star Trek 3. Does he have a riding crop too?

 

[Tulin]

^ No.

But his flagship sure shat itself on its first run.

 

[David cgc]

Trekker4747 said:
"Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm evil! I'm going to destroy Earth!"
"Why? Weren't you imprisoned and abused by Romulans your whole life?"
"Quiet you!"

Okay, of everything that could be wrong with Nemesis, this one is the thing that bothers me, because it's not actually wrong. People are allowed to have multiple goals. I mean, the above quote makes about as much sense as

"I'm Hitler! I'm going to invade Russia!"
"Why? Don't you want to purify Germany of the Jews?"
"Shut up!"

Shinzon had the support of the Romulan military when he had his coup. He got that support by promising to defeat the Federation once and for all. Destroying Earth would be a decapitation strike. With the Federation destroyed, Shinzon would have repaid the military for helping him, and established himself to other powers as the new galactic bad-ass.

Unfortunately for him, the Romulan military realized that Shinzon hated them too much to continue working with them after he had solidified his position, and betrayed him.

This isn't "The West Wing," here. Hell, it's barely "Stargate SG-1," as far as political complexity goes.

 

[Therin of Andor]

David cgc said:
He got that support by promising to defeat the Federation once and for all. Destroying Earth would be a decapitation strike. With the Federation destroyed, Shinzon would have repaid the military for helping him, and established himself to other powers as the new galactic bad-ass.

Exactly. He wanted to prove his worth by achieving something the Romulans had always aspired to do, but could't. Shinzon destroying Romulus wouldn't achieve much in the long term.

 

[Warp Coil]

Geordi: "Captain, they're preparing to fire their doomsday weapon. Fortunately, it requires seven minutes for them to fire, because the ship has to do a transformers morph in order to fire. This allows enough time for you to beam over ALONE to take on Shinzon 1-to-1."

Picard: "Didn't I already do something like that in the last movie? Where I beamed over to the Collector by myself and stopped Ru'afo before his doomsday device finished counting down?"

Geordi: "Well, yeah, I guess...."

Picard: "And what about when I had to stop Soran's probe from counting down to launch....."

Geordi: "Oh right...."

Picard: "Who the hell wrote this script?!"

 

[Trekker4747]

"Captain, the positronic signature is down on this prew-warp planet. We can't beam down because if the ion-storm!"
"Hmm... We could wait for the ion storm to pass or... I could say Prime-Directive be-admmed and take the Hyper-Cool Argo Jeep down there for a spin, and put a big gun on it to fire at the populous should they show up!"
*moments later*
*zap* *boom*
"Ha! HA!!!! Take THAT Prime Directive!!!!"

 

[USS KG5]

duranduran said:
I was very bored so I thought I would invite you to make fun of Nemesis and Shinzon and Schmiter.

Whos Schmiter, sounds Jewish?

 

[Ethros]

"Oh no the Enterprise transporters aren't working, I guess we're fucked"
"USE A SHUTTLECRAFT'S INTERNAL TRANSPORTER!!! USE A SHUTTLECRAFT'S INTERNAL TRANSPORTER!!!"


"Oh dear, the self destructs not working either. Oh well"
"JUST FIRE A PHASER AT THE WARP CORE!!! YOU DUMB FUCKS!!!"

 

[Haggis and tatties]

"Quick the reman are boarding the Enterprise,what shall we do..."

"Computer ....TURN ALL THE LIGHTS ON."

 

[ancient]

SHINZON: "I'm dying with only a week to live...so let's just sit around and waffle for a few days..."

VICROY: "...k"

*72 hours later*

SHINZON: "Ok...now decloak. And do it as slowly as possible for dramatic effect."

*Still later*

SHINZON: "I think I'll invite Picard to dinner tommorrow."

VICROY: *sigh*

*Still later*

SHINZON: "Do you think the Enterprise has had enough time to discover B-8's betrayal and run complete scans on our secret weapon yet?"

VICROY: "Not yet."

SHINZON: "Better kill some more time then. Ouch!! Damn chest pains."

VICROY: *sigh*

SHINZON: "Now use your mental powers and link our minds to Troi so I can finally get some sex. Telepathic sex, but sex, none-the-less."

VICROY: "Since I'm your adoptive father isn't this almost incest on our part?"

SHINZON: "Whatever."

*Still later*

SHINZON: "Have the good guys discovered all of my evil secrets?"

VICROY: "Yes, what with you mind-melding with their telepath and all."

SHINZON: "Ok...now! START THE EVIL PLAN!"

Therin of Andor said:

David cgc said:
He got that support by promising to defeat the Federation once and for all. Destroying Earth would be a decapitation strike. With the Federation destroyed, Shinzon would have repaid the military for helping him, and established himself to other powers as the new galactic bad-ass.

Exactly. He wanted to prove his worth by achieving something the Romulans had always aspired to do, but could't.

Then the Romulans stop him from doing it and act all friendly towards Picard. WTF was that about?

 

[Therin of Andor]

^ Because all the bad Romulans got turned to dust in the prologue?

 

[cultcross]

Therin of Andor said:
^ Because all the bad Romulans got turned to dust in the prologue?

They've been our enemies since Archer's time because 20-odd Romulans want us dead?
That's bearing one hell of a grudge

 

[David cgc]

Welcome to the glorious world of the Empire. If the Praetor wanted, the Romulans would probably be blood-enemies with the beloved cuddly teddy-bear people of Furtron VII.