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How young is too young?

I've been in this situation.

You just have to ask your boss (or check a handbook or whatever to see) if it's OK. Some institutions will require TAs to keep hands off the undergrads no matter what, others only if you're the student's instructor. Asking the boss would be awkward, but considering you have years to...interact with the female undergrads if it turns out to be OK to do so, it's worth finding out. Do NOT guess. Check.
 
It's just coffee. If things look like they might be moving past that then you can start to worry. It's premature for now.
 
Ashu said:
Tim M said:
Von_Steinwehr said:
I am 27 and she is a freshman which means 18 or 19 at the most, and at this point in my life, while I am not looking for marriage yet, I am interested in working on a relationship and not a "fling."
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Then look elsewhere. This girl is barely out of high school; expect her to have a matching level of self-maturity and introspection.
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Just because she is just out of high school doesnt meant she lack maturity. While a lot of girls are immature, it's not fair to paint them all with the same brush.
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When speaking of "maturity," I also include a sense of self-awareness and Piagetian cognitive development. The latter (if you subscribe to it) generally does not occur until after high school. In other words, people in their late teens, by and large, don't quite know who they are yet.

That, combined with the smaller fund of life experience on which to draw (as compared to a person in his late 20s) puts her in a distinctly different life stage. A ten-year age difference would be of little consequence in later life, but when we consider late teens versus late 20s, I think the difference is near-insurmountable.
 
V.S.: As long as you put the emphasis on your own honesty & you're up-front RIGHT AWAY about your age & your institution's "ethics" regulations/guidelines for T.A.'s & other possible sources of a "perception of impropriety", the ball's then COMPLETELY in her court to pursue the matter or realize that it may not be in her best interests or your's and drop it.
 
Tim M said:
In other words, people in their late teens, by and large, don't quite know who they are yet.
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Hell, I'm in my mid-twenties, and I don't even know who I am yet. It can happen at very different points in life for many people. Perhaps this girl has already figured it out.

I'd say go for it; right now, it's just coffee, and it doesn't have to be anything more than that. You can take the opportunity to get to know her better outside of an academic setting, and you can get a better read on the situation. You can find out what sort of things you have in common, and what she's looking for, if anything, in the relationship department. If you decide that you two aren't right for each other, then you can just leave it at that, and hopefully maintain your current amicable relationship.
 
JNG said:
You just have to ask your boss (or check a handbook or whatever to see) if it's OK. Some institutions will require TAs to keep hands off the undergrads no matter what, others only if you're the student's instructor. Asking the boss would be awkward, but considering you have years to...interact with the female undergrads if it turns out to be OK to do so, it's worth finding out. Do NOT guess. Check.
Click to expand...
This is a very good advice. It could be awkward to talk about it with your boss, but it's well worth the inconvenience. Better safe than sorry.

Tim M said:
Ashu said:
Just because she is just out of high school doesnt meant she lack maturity. While a lot of girls are immature, it's not fair to paint them all with the same brush.
Click to expand...
That, combined with the smaller fund of life experience on which to draw (as compared to a person in his late 20s) puts her in a distinctly different life stage. A ten-year age difference would be of little consequence in later life, but when we consider late teens versus late 20s, I think the difference is near-insurmountable.
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I agree that age difference should be taken into account, especially with a 19-27 gap, but it's not insurmountable. I know personal experience do not count for much, and every situation is different, but I'd like to say that when I started dating with my current girlfriend, I was a freshman in college and she was 25 and working as an accountant. Now, eleven years later, we are still together and very very happy. :)
 
My boyfriend is also in his first year of a PhD program and is a student teacher/teaching assistant. He is only 22, so some of the undergrads in the classes he teaches/assists are actually older than him, but because he is in a position of authority girls seem to be drawn to him. I don't know if it's for homework answers or they just like the "naughtiness" factor, but they are always trying to get him to go out to bars with him. Of course he declines and tells them that would be inappropriate. There's always that fantasy of getting it on with a professor, but reality comes to you when you realize all your professors are old and past their prime. So having a young, hot T.A. looks like the perfect solution to girls just out of high school looking to date more "mature" men who they aren't really supposed to be with.

He had the same problem when he was a tutor during undergrad. The younger girls he tutored were always more interested in getting to know him personally, and usually in that case it was because they wanted him to give them answers on homework. I feel lucky that I have a guy who is honest and ethical enough to firmly say no.

Now, other students in his PhD program are not so good about this...some of them will happily flirt back with undergrads and some of them even go out drinking with them. BAD idea.

She could just want to be friends, so despite everything I just wrote, I would say that it doesn't hurt to go out to coffee with her at least once. During this "meeting" you should be able to figure out (hopefully) what her intentions are. If you're really not sure, just ask her, or say something like, "just so you know I'm not allowed to date undergrads" or whatever the case is. You could even say it in a joking around way but one which still says it is a true thing. Just let her know that and then she will either say something like "hey I only want to be friends," or "oh, okay..." and look disappointed, or try to seduce you anyway. And then you can decide what you want to do from there....:lol:
 
Too young is below legal age.
Outside that and your own personal standards there is no "Too young".
 
Might as well take her up on it. Yeah, if she has something else in mind those are valid concerns, but in the short term, it's just coffee and conversation.

Having the interest of an attractive woman, even if nothing comes of it can be an ego booster. Sounds like you could use one.​

Another thought to keep in mind is that she could be a non-traditional student. Find out her age from her. Don't just assume it.​
 
This situation does not require much thought if you ask me.

Just go out with her for some coffee. Sit down, talk to her, get to know her a bit.
If you like her and if she still likes you then all is good.
If not then you've lost absolutely nothing. Move on.

At this point age should not concern you. Stop thinking about marriages, long term relationships, flings and all that.
Just do it.Go have that cup of coffee and see what happens.
 
If you have any influence on her grade, then I wouldn't go down this road at all. If you lead a discussion group that she is in, then I wouldn't go down this road at all. If you are not her teacher, grader, or discussion group leader, there's nothing wrong with a cup of coffee. If you get the perception that it's going to move to touching her boobies, then you need to check and make sure that it's copacetic with your responsibilities as a TA before she lets you fondle said boobies.

And I'm not being crass to be crass, I'm being crass to shock a point at you.
 
Maestro said:
If you have any influence on her grade, then I wouldn't go down this road at all. If you lead a discussion group that she is in, then I wouldn't go down this road at all. If you are not her teacher, grader, or discussion group leader, there's nothing wrong with a cup of coffee. If you get the perception that it's going to move to touching her boobies, then you need to check and make sure that it's copacetic with your responsibilities as a TA before she lets you fondle said boobies.

And I'm not being crass to be crass, I'm being crass to shock a point at you.
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I understand. I have absolutely no influence what-so-ever in making decisions about her grades. I do not have her in my classes and I do not look at her exams. I am just assigned to sit next to her in the lectures.
 
Maestro said:
If you have any influence on her grade, then I wouldn't go down this road at all. If you lead a discussion group that she is in, then I wouldn't go down this road at all. If you are not her teacher, grader, or discussion group leader, there's nothing wrong with a cup of coffee. If you get the perception that it's going to move to touching her boobies, then you need to check and make sure that it's copacetic with your responsibilities as a TA before she lets you fondle said boobies.

And I'm not being crass to be crass, I'm being crass to shock a point at you.
Click to expand...

Dude is at college. You'd have to be a lot more crass than that to shock him.
 
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