How would you make a Transformers movie good?

[Guy Gardener]

Early 80s comedic movie staring dozens of Movie stars and dozens of TV stars from all the popular TV shows at the time, on a road race across America to win a million dollars.

Burt Reynolds ... J. J. McClure
Roger Moore ... Seymour
Farrah Fawcett ... Pamela
Dom DeLuise ... Victor Prinzim
Dean Martin ... Jamie Blake
Sammy Davis Jr. ... Fenderbaum
Jack Elam ... Doctor Nikolas Van Helsing
Adrienne Barbeau ... Marcie
Terry Bradshaw ... Terry
Jackie Chan ... Subaru Driver #1
Bert Convy ... Brad
Jamie Farr ... Sheik
Peter Fonda

And so many more.

It's like they were all at a party in real life, drunk off their tits, and "Someone said "Let's all do a movie together!" ...And then did.

 

[Starbreaker]

I think if you edit the first three Transformers movies down to about 90 minutes, there's some good material there. Especially the Jetfire scenes from TF2 and the moon opening from TF3.

1. 90 Minute movies
2. The fewer humans, the better
3. No scatological humor

 

[Guy Gardener]

I'm assuming that an electromagnetic pulse would indiscriminately take out Autobots and Decepticons alike, right?

It's a stupid weapon for Transformers to use.

Humans however?

Enhanced EMP weapons are speculated to exist, and I certainly saw one used in Oceans 11... But to do what that thing did without sterilizing half the city seems unlikely.

Armed correctly, with enhanced EMP weapons that fired from orbit can simultaneously remove a continent of Transformers, you have to wonder why man is just sitting their holding his dick rather than taking care of business.

 

[Ethros]

How would you make a truly excellent transformers movie?

Release it in 1986, follow on from the G1 cartoon, and put some rocking tunes in it... oh wait.



Various things. Just a different director mainly. As soon as I heard Bay was doing the 4th one I knew I'd be giving it a miss. And then seeing the trailers, and esp after reading the reviews, I know 100% for sure I'll be giving it a miss.

I've simply seen it all before. And it was shit then...

 

[Guy Gardener]

Can you imagine a Transfomer "dying" from too many porn popups?

"Oh my god, it's full of tits!"

I'm not saying that they want to watch human mating so much, but if %ninety of the internet is porn and %90 percent of that is malware & viruses... It should just be like at the end of War of the Worlds where the Martians wind up dying from the common cold.

OMG.

After a couple Transformer die from harmless advertising about penis enlargement and meeting hot Asian sluts in your area... The human economy is going to grind to a halt and die after the Cybertronians "clean" and "seal" the internet of all email-scams and data-mining and marketing popups...

 

[Hugo Rune]

I'd let this guy make it and bask in the nostalgia!!

http://mobile.theverge.com/2014/7/4/5870309/transformers-stop-motion-video


Hugo - Got tha touch!

 

[BeatleJWOL]

Exactly What It Says On The Tin:

TRANSFORMERS.

No humans.

75% of your problems are solved right there.

 

[Gaith]

Exactly What It Says On The Tin:

TRANSFORMERS.

No humans.

75% of your problems are solved right there.

Right, because Dredd proved that if you zero in on a small group of hardcore fans and given them exactly what they want and nothing more, making no concessions to the average ticket-buyer, you'll make riches beyond your wildest dreams.

 

[Guy Gardener]

Actually, no humans would be a great story.

The film starts with Megatron turning the last human into jelly with his foot.

Then they have to decide who owns the Earth now, Transformer or the cockroaches.

Of course, Earth is not the only planet in the solar system.

 

[Alidar Jarok]

Exactly What It Says On The Tin:

TRANSFORMERS.

No humans.

75% of your problems are solved right there.

Right, because Dredd proved that if you zero in on a small group of hardcore fans and given them exactly what they want and nothing more, making no concessions to the average ticket-buyer, you'll make riches beyond your wildest dreams.

The Stalone film wasn't received any better, so it's hard to draw lessons one way or the other with that film.

 

[LOKAI of CHERON]

Release it in 1986, follow on from the G1 cartoon, and put some rocking tunes in it... oh wait.

Beat me to it.

In all seriousness, that movie remains the finest Transformers to grace the silver screen thus far.

 

[Guy Gardener]

Did Stalone's movie fail so terribly that he had to do TV?

Boxoffice mojo says...

http://www.boxofficemojo.com/search/?q=dredd

I'm guessing that they are using real dollars, not adjusted for time or inflation, but Dredds opening weekend in 2,506 theatres was 6.2 million dollars, meanwhile Judge Dredd's opening weekend in 2,204 theatres 17 years earlier was 12.3 million dollars.

And if I may be crass and sexist for a second or two, the female lead in Judge Dredd was about 80 times hotter than the annoying child they had in Dredd trying to suffice the same position.

 

[Saul]

Don't let Bay Direct.

 

[Guy Gardener]

If someone shoots Bay, that will dectupple the price of onset security for even good movies, and probably add another $5 to every movie ticket to pay for the additional man power and surveillance.

Don't even wound Bay, please.

 

[Hartzilla2007]

Release it in 1986, follow on from the G1 cartoon, and put some rocking tunes in it... oh wait.

Beat me to it.

In all seriousness, that movie remains the finest Transformers to grace the silver screen thus far.

Yeah, becuase they should totally do a movie where most of the hero cast is slaughtered in like the first 5 minutes, to be replaced by a bunch of newbies to sell new toys (seriously the movie's intro credits character list thing is a big "who the f@#k are these people!?" moment) and where the main hero dies and is replaced by the idiot who got him killed becuase Ultra Magnus has fumble fingers.

 

[Guy Gardener]

So everyone else was disappointed by the real 2005 when it happened too?

 

[BeatleJWOL]

TRANSFORMERS.

No humans.

75% of your problems are solved right there.

Right, because Dredd proved that if you zero in on a small group of hardcore fans and given them exactly what they want and nothing more, making no concessions to the average ticket-buyer, you'll make riches beyond your wildest dreams.

Re: How would you make a Transformers movie good?

Do ya see "profitable" anywhere in that there thread heading? No dippidy they felt they had to add humans for it to make a profit (or even a dent, for that matter), seeing as that's exactly what they did!

 

[Guy Gardener]

Transfomers: Hamlet.

Keep the full script in old timey Shakespearian speak.

Cast List

• Hamlet – Bumble Bee
• Claudius – Megatron
• Gertrude –Rosanna (picked a name at random from a list of girl robots.)
• Polonius – Ironhide
• Ophelia – Arcee
• Horatio – Jazz
• Laertes – Starscream
• Rosencrantz and Guildenstern – Soundwave and Blaster
• Ghost of Hamlet's Father - Optimus Prime.

 

[Trekker4747]

Though maybe not critically and financially well received wasn't "Dredd" pretty well received by fans of the comic/character? Hell, I'm not a fan of either (and the Stallone movie) and I really enjoyed "Dredd."

 

[Guy Gardener]

They made one mistake.

No empire building.

Almost the whole thing was about being locked in a building with a horde of psychopaths.