Hockey has an offside rule and it works awesome. Either you're over the line before the puck or you're not. There isn't any business of the referee judging "whether you're creating an advantage" or not. It's black and white. There's some grey area in other areas of hockey but I can't remember the last time someone bitched about an offside call.
Soccer works on a lot of the same basic mechanics hockey does. With due consideration to the nuances of the game, I don't see why hockey's offside rule couldn't be adapted to soccer to make it more exciting. The problem with the game isn't that nobody scores. It's that nobody ever looks like they're about to score. I think this would go some ways to fixing it.
You know, I'm not even going to read the rest of the thread. Your response here is too good. Let me just add to it: Put in a fucking blue line, call offsides the same way as hockey, and soccer's problems will all be solved.
Sorry I can't see that working in football, and frankly I like the offside rule the way it is, one of the great things about football is that it can be contentious and open to interpretation, that's part of the reason it flows a lot better than other sports. And whilst offsides can prevent goals, the reverse is also true. A defence that tries to play the offside rule a bit too much risks finding themselves standing around like idiots with their hands in the air while the striker runs through clear on goal.
It's amazing how much fun can come from just being able to shout and scream at the ref/linesmen