How the #$% is me mellowing out a bad thing?

[SeerSGB]

Let me explain: Typically I'm wound tighter than a cheap watch. I have a bad attitude, don't give a fuck, and generally a smart ass.

As I'm getting older, I find I don't like that part of myself as much as I used to. I'm tried of constantly being "on" for other people cause my reputation is that of brutal honesty and being no nonsense and take no prisoners; one person describes me as cut throat when I'm "in the zone".

So a few weeks ago I decided I'm going to change. I'm going to try to be a little more open to other ideals, more a team player, more a teacher, try to delegate the work and not micromanage things to death. Doing it partly for my health (stress reduction) and partly cause I've learned that, as much of a control freak as I am, I can't predict and control every outcome. It wasn't a easy thing to admit, but it was something that I felt had to be admitted.

Apparently people think I'm a total asshole now and don't want to be around me as much anymore cause they don't like the "new" me. They want me to still be (metaphorically speaking) kicking down the door and kicking ass to get things done.

So apparently: "Listen up you sorry mother fuckers..." is more acceptable than, "Okay we need to organize, focus on each other's strong points and divide up the work by..."

Even family's like "Why don't you do it, you can just go down there and chew their asses out."

So should I stay the course and just force folks to adapt, or should I just go back to blowing up over everything.

 

[Amaris]

Let me explain: Typically I'm wound tighter than a cheap watch. I have a bad attitude, don't give a fuck, and generally a smart ass.

As I'm getting older, I find I don't like that part of myself as much as I used to. I'm tried of constantly being "on" for other people cause my reputation is that of brutal honesty and being no nonsense and take no prisoners; one person describes me as cut throat when I'm "in the zone".

So a few weeks ago I decided I'm going to change. I'm going to try to be a little more open to other ideals, more a team player, more a teacher, try to delegate the work and not micromanage things to death. Doing it partly for my health (stress reduction) and partly cause I've learned that, as much of a control freak as I am, I can't predict and control every outcome. It wasn't a easy thing to admit, but it was something that I felt had to be admitted.

Apparently people think I'm a total asshole now and don't want to be around me as much anymore cause they don't like the "new" me. They want me to still be (metaphorically speaking) kicking down the door and kicking ass to get things done.

So apparently: "Listen up you sorry mother fuckers..." is more acceptable than, "Okay we need to organize, focus on each other's strong points and divide up the work by..."

Even family's like "Why don't you do it, you can just go down there and chew their asses out."

So should I stay the course and just force folks to adapt, or should I just go back to blowing up over everything.

You do whatever makes you feel better about yourself. If you want to change, then do so, regardless of what others do. They don't mind when you're "kicking ass and taking names" simply because then they don't have to do it. Don't put your health at risk just because they find it convenient for you to be constantly "on". That said, if you are really interested in relaxing your mind and changing yourself to a more flexible and passive attitude, I highly recommend meditation.

 

[iguana_tonante]

You should tell everybody that if you want to be mellow and accommodating, then by heaven's fuck, you will be mellow and accommodating, and they can fuck off and eat shit if they want. That should make everybody happy.

 

[Kestra]

You don't sound very mellow ...

 

[sidious618]

Maybe they're taking your mellowed out attitude as you not caring. You should just tell them it makes you feel better and they should be able to respect that.

 

[SeerSGB]

Maybe they're taking your mellowed out attitude as you not caring. You should just tell them it makes you feel better and they should be able to respect that.

Tried that, they still want the "old" me back.

You don't sound very mellow ...

What can I say, my family has a knack for killing a good mood.

 

[sidious618]

Maybe they're taking your mellowed out attitude as you not caring. You should just tell them it makes you feel better and they should be able to respect that.

Tried that, they still want the "old" me back.

Then you tell them they damn well better respect it because this is who you want to be.

 

[Nardpuncher]

Your description of yourself can't be very objective I have to say. It sounds a little too self-serving. I wouldn't be able to make any judgements or give advice based on "People see me as a badass that kicks down doors and gets shit done"

 

[SeerSGB]

Your description of yourself can't be very objective I have to say. It sounds a little too self-serving. I wouldn't be able to make any judgements or give advice based on "People see me as a badass that kicks down doors and gets shit done"

More like scream and cuss at people. Which what they want, I'm the "Conflict" guy in the family. Meaning: Screaming and cussing at people. Anytime there's a problem in the family or they get in a tough spot, my phone rings and I'm expected to go "stomp some ass".

Good example is this week: My ass hat cousin got picked up on one of the several warrants out for him (drugs, theft, parole violations, etc). But I'm the jerk in the family cause I said that he needs a professional counselor and needs to be the one to change his life. I was expected, even by his parents (which are having a fit over their little 20 year old darling sitting in lock up), to go down to the county jail and rip him a new one and ride his ass till his got his life together.

As for "getting shit done." I'll be the first to admit my attitude has caused me more problems than it solved, made things harder or impossible to get done. Burned a lot of bridges. And looking back I made a lot of mistakes and did things that made life harder for myself.

 

[Captain Ice]

Based on what you are saying here, they don't want you to change because, since they know that you'll kick ass, take names, and take no prisoners for them they do not have to do this for themselves.

You've made the decision to mellow out for yourself. Do it for yourself. Don't give in to their pressure to go back to being the familiar old you. If they stand in your way of doing this, then kick their ass.

I honestly think that you'll find that if you give them enough time, they will come around to the new you. You just need to show them that you are determined to do this.

 

[Snaploud]

On the one hand, it's good to look over your time on Earth and change your life for the better. It's natural to pick and choose your battles more as you get older.

On the other hand, it could also be a sign of a medical condition. Major changes in personality can theoretically be a symptom of something else. Try not to worry about it too much (don't want your to become a hypochondriac), but it's good to be aware of any changing medical situations.

As for your changing business relationships: you have obviously found a niche in your company (a reason why they would choose to seek you out). Your personality change may be beneficial for your own health. It may even be beneficial for your long-term career situation. There is, however, a chance that it won't be good for your current work environment. Change isn't always easy.

You could also just be in need of a vacation.

 

[sojourner]

Sounds like you need to tell the lot of them to "get of their asses and take care of their own shit" from now on.

 

[RJDiogenes]

Apparently people think I'm a total asshole now and don't want to be around me as much anymore cause they don't like the "new" me. They want me to still be (metaphorically speaking) kicking down the door and kicking ass to get things done.

Then, in addition to mellowing out, you need a new supporting cast.

 

[Hermiod]

^Careful, retooling a show with a new cast tends to lead to cancellation.

 

[Mr Awe]

So should I stay the course and just force folks to adapt, or should I just go back to blowing up over everything.

Jeez, the old you sounds like a real asshole. Glad you've changed and hope you can stick to it. I have no idea why anyone would what the old you back. That would be counter to common sense.

Also, I'm guessing that you have an overly glorified view of how people see the old you.

Mr Awe

 

[SeerSGB]

So should I stay the course and just force folks to adapt, or should I just go back to blowing up over everything.

Jeez, the old you sounds like a real asshole. Glad you've changed and hope you can stick to it. I have no idea why anyone would what the old you back. That would be counter to common sense.

Also, I'm guessing that you have an overly glorified view of how people see the old you.

Mr Awe

This what they're telling me how they saw the old me. I think the large part of it was the fact that I got so aggravated so easily that I micromanaged stuff to the point that I as doing other peoples work for them.

 

[propita]

Who wouldn't want someone to do all their work for them so all they had to do was sit around and get paid for doing nothing? Who wouldn't want all their parenting mistakes to be handled by someone else?

There'll be repercussions, but if what you're writing is an actual reflection of reality, stay your course. I'm trying to relax too. Not easy--and I'm not a "bad ass" in any way. Just anxiety-ridden.

Remember that all your bad-assery for so long means that your body has gotten used to the chemicals that get pumped out with such behavior. Now you're depriving it of all that. So you may get some physical reactions from this and a physical predisposition to continue in your old ways.

 

[SeerSGB]

Exhaustion, I know thats one thing. I'm a lot more tired than when I was going constantly. All so a bit more fidgety, like I don't know what to do with myself now that I've got more free time in a day. I have to keep telling myself "not my problem, let 'em work it out on their own" whenever I get the urge to jump in.

 

[Marie1]

It sounds like they want you to stay that way so you can bully people for them, solve their conflicts. But it'll hinder your outside relationships, and if it's exhausting (and endangering!) you, and you want to change- you can and you should. Everyone else can go jump in the lake.

 

[RJDiogenes]

^Careful, retooling a show with a new cast tends to lead to cancellation.

Could go either way. As long as he doesn't use Ted McGinley he could be okay.